Vlog Monday 21st September - 'I did not enjoy buying this'. DISCLAIMER - I did not enjoy watching this. She literally has the IQ of a crushed grape.
- She starts off saying 'hi from my new hair'. She obviously meant to show us in the last vlog, but she took the week off and all will be revealed in this vlog. We already know Lydia. You advertised it EVERYWHERE. Even duct tape can't stop her stupid. But it could muffle the sound.
- She's been up since 5am. She's got a conference call with the C Line with Chanel. She's telling them about her story on YT and her key to success. She has a lot of work on this week. She's back to back having everything backed up when she took a week off. She's backed up with carbs in RL. You. Will. See. She's going to smash the call with Chanel though. She puts this on a time lapse. We hear nothing. Standard. You would have to increase your IQ by 20 percent Lydia just to be up to befuddled.
- She's obsessed with her hair, although there's still a lot of redness and breakage. She's going to leave it for now. She always likes for her hair to look natural. She likes people thinking 'is that a colour or is that her natural colour?' You really are the type of person who blows out somebody else's candles on their birthday.
- Another Intimissimi ad. She's gravitated to khaki silk pyjamas now. They're a shade of green only tree lizards should be sporting. She's wearing By Terry tan as she's got laser later on in the week, but she still likes to be tanned. Your head is so far up your ass Lydia, you can almost see the stick that is in there.
- She's now recapping her talk with Chanel on their YT channel about growth and engaging an audience. You need to leave your ego at the door is the advice she wanted to get across. It doesn't need to be a shiny polished place on YT. People come for the realness and authenticity. No really. She actually said this. If ignorance ever goes up to £5 per barrel, I want drilling rights to your head Lydia.
- She did have a video to go out on Monday, but she's leaving that week in that week. Cue sob story about Lumi again. Lumi had an explosion of vomit. She was very worried hence four visits to the vet. But not worried enough to not go out on the Friday evening. Lumi deteriorated the next day. She now has bald patches and a bad haircut. Sounds familiar Lydia.
- She had to transport Lumi around the house to constantly listen to her breathing which is why she needed a week off. She was dehydrated, hypothermic, unstable. Lumi that is. Not Lydia. Ok, this is obviously Lydia too. On the daily. Lumi is now diagnosed with Pancreatitis. Lydia can't pronounce this obviously.
- She lisps 'oh what's this' - it's the hula hoops and flowers from Depop Dee. The flowers are......wait for it......Lilies. Most people live and learn. Lydia just lives.
- She has 2 shoots next week. All the outfits are already picked. She highlights you are going to just die. Every time you get dressed Lydia, remember if you do actually die that's your ghost outfit forever. Cue Lydia ordering a whole new wardrobe now. Sorry Earth.
- She's working with Intimissimi, but she wants to give them a shout out as they've been so understanding that her videos didn't go out last week. That'll be about four weeks in total then. But she has new silky beautiful lingerie goodness. She has some new favourites. She feels sexy in them. If your ego was anymore inflated Lydia, the earth really would rotate around you.
- She's stocked up on some more basics. Again. They stop her from being swallowed up by the silhouette of her winter clothes. You are so basic.
- She acknowledges your girl has a new life going to the gym. She doesn't like loose vests, but tight fitted ones so she can see all her gains. I think I just vommed more than Lumi did.
- She now has her Christmas pyjamas. Yay. In the middle of a mini heatwave in September. Oh and her self care pyjamas. These are for her. Everyone should have some pyjamas just for them apparently. She likes to have a few different colours of them. You have your head so far up your ass Lydia, you can actually chew your food twice.
- She didn't feel that great about her new Dior bag purchase due to Lumi's vet bills. Not enough to take it back though Lydia? She's waiting for the joy that this bag should bring. Especially as it's in HER colour. A twilly sold it to her. She emphasises this is her fifth lady Dior. She'll be exceptionally cross if it does come in mini as the SA said it doesn't come in this size. She felt forced into getting the small. What an actual dense cabbage. It's a celebratory (she mispronounces this word) purchase as she's now officially changed her name. The initials on the strap are LMG. She hates the strap and has switched it with the one from her mini. This is clearly a metaphor for she hates her new married name hence why it took years for her to get it changed.
- She's trying to do more focused content when she finally gets the time to. Have you been shopping lately Lydia?! Rhetorical question as evidently nearly having dead cat #2 hasn't put you off, work yes, online shopping definitely not. My point though, they're selling lives, you should go get one.
- She advises it's been a busy one after she's been forced to take time off. She has a busy week next week. She's a little bit scared. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
- She informs she's having a gourmet dinner. We're not going to know what's hit us. It's gluten free pizza. Ali needs to check the freezer outside to see if there's another pizza so they can have one each, but if not it's pizza and chips. Lydia you're actually impossible to underestimate.
- She acknowledges she's fallen off the healthy bandwagon again as she could barely get out of bed. Words cannot describe your ineptitude. But numbers can. 9.5/10.
- She's going for her acupuncture appointment now. She highlights things are back on track now. She proclaims if you expect your new life to be smooth sailing you're writing yourself up to fail, she'll tell you that for free. I wouldn't necessarily pay for your thoughts Lydia. A penny maybe. But that still seems a bit pricey. She's all or nothing apparently. I say you're definitely nothing Lydia.
- Oh she spots a chicken and then a snazzy moo moo with their car roof down. She literally is the evolution of an overgrown sperm cell. She's not going to let these things throw her off though. She spent a few days in bed but she's back now. She went for a run, but she's not even opened her new gym kit yet. Oh the bleeping suspense.
- She's learnt a lot about herself these last few weeks. She completely overlooked decaf coffee, she tells us again for free. The moment she drinks coffee she has anxiousness and her ability to function goes out of the window. She's ordered decaf coffee, but it's not arrived it. Screw it she declares, she's having a normal coffee. Instantly she was in bits. She's definitely giving up coffee. For good. No wait she tells us for now. Until she's a bit better. Or whatever. She used to rip people for drinking decaf. She actually says 'you can all tear me a new one in the comments'. She's no stranger to kicking habits. She kicks habits in her sleep apparently. She feels amazing for going for a run. Ali has old man knees so couldn't go further than 4.5K. She's going to pin him down later though to get the new timetable done. Pull your bottom lip over your head Lydia and just swallow.
- The only thing she isn't doing is journaling. She has so much to do at night; schedule the next day, read a book AND journal. Whenever she feels horrendous it falls out the window. That's the bleeping point of journaling. It's meant to be cathartic during challenging times in life. She's now actually asking for tips on journaling. You really need to shut your mouth Lydia because all stupidity is leaking out.
- She says 'wow she looks tired'. Original. She went into her acupuncture appointment and the lady was like 'woah what is this?' I think this too every vlog Lydia. She went on a different route home and it felt like she was in the Cotswolds. She's going straight on Rightmove when she gets in to google the houses she's just seen. Get a damn life you unseasoned salmon kebab.
- Talking of food, she says she's going to have a healthy meal, you know given it's day #1 of her new life. Ali has made her pasta. Standard. She had pasta for lunch too. Actual double standards. Speaking of pasta she's just received the delivery of mac n cheese from Josephine and Charlie. It's from Dexter and Dickens actually when they saw Lumi was a poorly possum. She highlights 'wow you make it yourself'. It's pasta and cheese Lydia that you heat up. It's hardly Madagascar vanilla, hemp milk, a single feather from a Dodo bird, all cooked by a virgin handmaiden is it?! Your brain is so small if you were to transplant it inside the head of a fly it would still rattle.
- It's cheese week which is her fave. Never. Would. Have. Guessed. This. Never.
- Ali is doing the bins. She doesn't do bins apparently. The trash must get taken out tomorrow. Be ready Lydia.
- She got surprised with another 'complimentary commission of a special piece that was custom painted with their initials' for sending business their way. She had wine and cheese when they gave it to her. Got out of bed for that one then Lydia?
- She text Amelia all about acupuncture, reflexology, therapy and massages. They must have a 'red hair don't care' squad now. Chewbacca could be their mascot. Just a suggestion Lydia. She wants a personal yoga and meditation teacher to come to the house now. You're literally the human equivalent of paying for a soda cup and filling it with water.
- She talks about the yoga retreat being cancelled because of COVID restrictions then goes 'ohh a maximum support sports bra' whilst opening another package. Ali must be using the family brain cell right now.
- She wears the same sports bra every time she goes running apparently. GRIM! You literally have the same amount of brain cells as chromosomes Lydia and it's definitely an odd number.
- She can't work out if this video is going to be really long or what. She's doesn't really know what's going on in the next vlog. It's too bad stupidity isn't painful. You'd be affiliate linking aspirin by now. She's going to get in bed with her husband now and......journal.
Disgusting twit.
And she talks about eating 6 packs in a row. She literally just talks tit! That can be her prologue to her autobiography. You're welcome Lydia. 
I promise." When the REAL Lydia comes out its sincerely scary and such a brutal witch vs the hula hoops lisping fake crap.
I completely forgot to include this. It's so hard to watch and write at the same time when there's just classic after classic. 
