losing interest or change in affection

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hey, just a question really. Me and my boyfriend have only been together about 6 months, at the start he was mad about me, always complimenting me, sending lovely messages, so affectionate when we were together etc which was great. Said he feels so lucky to be with me etc the usual.

Nothing has happened we haven't argued etc but i feel like he is really different with me aka nothing like he used to. He still messages and rings me etc but i just feel like the nice messages are not there anymore, we dont see eachother lots as we are from different cities so it should still be exciting etc, This weekend he came and he wasn't as affectionate as he usually is and seems to just snap at me a lot (nothing major but seems irritable).

I guess what i wanted to know is am i being unrealistic expecting him to carry on being exactly how he was at the start? Or is he losing interest? Anyone got any experience of this?
 
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hey, just a question really. Me and my boyfriend have only been together about 6 months, at the start he was mad about me, always complimenting me, sending lovely messages, so affectionate when we were together etc which was great. Said he feels so lucky to be with me etc the usual.

Nothing has happened we haven't argued etc but i feel like he is really different with me aka nothing like he used to. He still messages and rings me etc but i just feel like the nice messages are not there anymore, we dont see eachother lots as we are from different cities so it should still be exciting etc, This weekend he came and he wasn't as affectionate as he usually is and seems to just snap at me a lot (nothing major but seems irritable).

I guess what i wanted to know is am i being unrealistic expecting him to carry on being exactly how he was at the start? Or is he losing interest? Anyone got any experience of this?
Yeah it’s the honeymoon period, doesn’t last very long I’m afraid!
 
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Yeah, I was with my ex for 7 years and I dont remember it ever changing so quickly, I am sure we was in the honeymoon phase for years?! Cant be sure but I want to keep it cute and affectionate etc especially seeing as it is a long distance relationship!
 
Talk to him. Just have a chat - ask of everything with him is ok as he doesn’t seem himself - open up a conversation and see where it goes. It might not have anything to do with his feelings for you - there could be something else worrying him so just have a chat.
 
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Talk to him. Just have a chat - ask of everything with him is ok as he doesn’t seem himself - open up a conversation and see where it goes. It might not have anything to do with his feelings for you - there could be something else worrying him so just have a chat.
yeah I have tried as it was getting to me a bit, he said he didn’t realise that he wasn’t being affectionate anymore (don’t know how he can’t realise that but hey). Blamed it on being ill the last few weeks but he isn’t ill now and hasn’t been for a week and he’s still the same. I know the honeymoon period doesn’t last but didn’t think it would be over so quick haha
 
Are you the lady who posted a thread on gaslighting a couple of months ago? Sorry if I've got you mixed up with another poster X but i normally remember stuff, wasn't he being awful then and you split up?
 
hey, just a question really. Me and my boyfriend have only been together about 6 months, at the start he was mad about me, always complimenting me, sending lovely messages, so affectionate when we were together etc which was great. Said he feels so lucky to be with me etc the usual.

Nothing has happened we haven't argued etc but i feel like he is really different with me aka nothing like he used to. He still messages and rings me etc but i just feel like the nice messages are not there anymore, we dont see eachother lots as we are from different cities so it should still be exciting etc, This weekend he came and he wasn't as affectionate as he usually is and seems to just snap at me a lot (nothing major but seems irritable).

I guess what i wanted to know is am i being unrealistic expecting him to carry on being exactly how he was at the start? Or is he losing interest? Anyone got any experience of this?
Have an honest conversation with him and tell him how you feel, although they can stop making an effort when they feel they have got you if he was chasing you in the first place? If that makes sense
 
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yeah I have tried as it was getting to me a bit, he said he didn’t realise that he wasn’t being affectionate anymore (don’t know how he can’t realise that but hey). Blamed it on being ill the last few weeks but he isn’t ill now and hasn’t been for a week and he’s still the same. I know the honeymoon period doesn’t last but didn’t think it would be over so quick haha
I would talk to him again. Yes of course the initial honeymoon period fades off after a while but it sounds like he’s really pulled back on you which isn’t normal, particularly like you say when you live away from each other - you should still be in that exiting phase of really looking forward to seeing each other and it still being really intense, and can’t keep your hands off each other phase.

Just be honest with him. If he still says nothing is wrong, but you still feel like something is off it may just be that things have run there course yknow, he might not be the one.
 
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I had the exact same experience, however we'd been together longer.

It was as if a switch was flipped one Monday. I went from having a phone call or at least a text every lunch time to no contact all day, or the bare minimum at least. I pushed it off as I knew he was busy, but after it was the same the week after and I honestly felt so low and down I asked him. He swore he didn't realise he was doing it etc and was just busy, but it killed me every time I would go on my phone and see that he'd been active on WhatsApp and had ignored my message - but clearly had replied to someone else's. After a month he did 'perk up' a bit and we were fine - probably better than fine. Then, he turned up on my doorstep crying and broke up with me one evening quite randomly. I do chuckle now because I ended up comforting him... through my own breakup 😂 ?

Anyways, the point I am trying to make is do not ignore your gut. My gut was screaming at me that something was off as I would sit at my work desk and be silently crying because all the potential scenarios would be running through my head (i.e does he want someone else? am i not enough? have i done something wrong?) and it honestly ruined me for almost 5 weeks of my life, which isn't long but felt like a lifetime. I wish I'd have been straighter with him after I was making myself unwell over it and maybe then he'd have been honest with me about our relationship or would have bucked up his ideas? I don't know, but please don't take his behaviour as normal. Yes the honeymoon phase finishes, but he should still want to spend time with you or at least touch you when you are together. Once that's gone, you really need to speak to him for your own sanity xx
 
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I think it's natural in any relationship for the "soppiness" to dwindle. It's the honeymoon period. I've been with my partner 7 years and he's definitely nowhere near as soppy as he was at the start (*thank god - I'm not the affectionate type tbh*). I wouldn't say it's necessarily anything to worry about.

It might be worth having a little chat with him though, maybe just make sure he's ok? He might be stressed at work, or have family things going on, you never know.

If it seems like he's just completely changed overnight, then maybe there is something there, but you won't know unless you talk to him.

Also, are you affectionate back? Are you similar to him? Sending nice messages etc? If not, maybe he felt silly being that way if you weren't the same back.

I really hope you manage to speak to him and get to the bottom of it!
 
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Are you the lady who posted a thread on gaslighting a couple of months ago? Sorry if I've got you mixed up with another poster X but i normally remember stuff, wasn't he being awful then and you split up?
no that wasn’t me that’s my sister, she uses this all the time.. I look but don’t want to make an account (too scared someone can see and work out it’s me even though I know he’d never even go on tattle hehe). So I’m posting on hers.

P.s the gaslighter is gone has a new girlfriend but was messaging her abuntil about a month ago! I’m sure she won’t mind me posting this lol.
I had the exact same experience, however we'd been together longer.

It was as if a switch was flipped one Monday. I went from having a phone call or at least a text every lunch time to no contact all day, or the bare minimum at least. I pushed it off as I knew he was busy, but after it was the same the week after and I honestly felt so low and down I asked him. He swore he didn't realise he was doing it etc and was just busy, but it killed me every time I would go on my phone and see that he'd been active on WhatsApp and had ignored my message - but clearly had replied to someone else's. After a month he did 'perk up' a bit and we were fine - probably better than fine. Then, he turned up on my doorstep crying and broke up with me one evening quite randomly. I do chuckle now because I ended up comforting him... through my own breakup 😂 ?

Anyways, the point I am trying to make is do not ignore your gut. My gut was screaming at me that something was off as I would sit at my work desk and be silently crying because all the potential scenarios would be running through my head (i.e does he want someone else? am i not enough? have i done something wrong?) and it honestly ruined me for almost 5 weeks of my life, which isn't long but felt like a lifetime. I wish I'd have been straighter with him after I was making myself unwell over it and maybe then he'd have been honest with me about our relationship or would have bucked up his ideas? I don't know, but please don't take his behaviour as normal. Yes the honeymoon phase finishes, but he should still want to spend time with you or at least touch you when you are together. Once that's gone, you really need to speak to him for your own sanity xx
Thanks for this really insightful and sorry to hear you went through this! What was his reason for the break up if you don’t mind me asking? X
 
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no that wasn’t me that’s my sister, she uses this all the time.. I look but don’t want to make an account (too scared someone can see and work out it’s me even though I know he’d never even go on tattle hehe). So I’m posting on hers.

P.s the gaslighter is gone has a new girlfriend but was messaging her abuntil about a month ago! I’m sure she won’t mind me posting this lol.


Thanks for this really insightful and sorry to hear you went through this! What was his reason for the break up if you don’t mind me asking? X
He said a lot but I honestly see it as a blur now because I was in shock, the gist of it was that he wasn't ready for the relationship... after 11 months 😂 please don't be sorry, I'm honestly ok now! I just wish when my gut told me he was being 'off' I didn't allow myself to believe it was just me being paranoid/anxious, I did have reason to be and my thoughts were completely valid! X
 
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I think it's natural in any relationship for the "soppiness" to dwindle. It's the honeymoon period. I've been with my partner 7 years and he's definitely nowhere near as soppy as he was at the start (*thank god - I'm not the affectionate type tbh*). I wouldn't say it's necessarily anything to worry about.

It might be worth having a little chat with him though, maybe just make sure he's ok? He might be stressed at work, or have family things going on, you never know.

If it seems like he's just completely changed overnight, then maybe there is something there, but you won't know unless you talk to him.

Also, are you affectionate back? Are you similar to him? Sending nice messages etc? If not, maybe he felt silly being that way if you weren't the same back.

I really hope you manage to speak to him and get to the bottom of it!
yes I am very affectionate, not usually a massively affectionate person but I am with him and part of the reason why is because he was so affectionate to me etc. I’ve spoke about it he says didn’t realise that he wasn’t being affectionate... and he will try more as he didn’t realise.....

Only time will tell