Losing Hope on having children

[Makeupaddict5]

Hi I feel this gossip site has been my saviour last few months. After miscarrying during lockdown I felt this site was an escape.

This is my reality.
I have a husband who I love dearly who is very supportive and he is 23 years older then me. We have an amazing relationship, bond and friendship.
Last year we decided to try for a baby. I was unlucky and on my 11th week 4 days we lost the baby. I was in utter shock, devastated. Was truly not expecting such news. I am fit, healthy, young (29 at the time ). I was arrogant in my mind never thought it would ever happen to me. I thought I would have a baby and try again after 8-10 months depending on how I felt. How wrong was I.

So over the course of the year I was trying to heal and we try again for a baby. For 10 months we keep trying. Using apps, fertility sticks, eating healthy, taking vitamins. I pretend I’m ok and focus on other things like work and the gym. But deep down I want a baby with my husband and before my period comes I almost lose my mind. Get pregnancy and continually get disappointed.
At the beginning on 2020 I told myself what will be will be. I had a relaxed attitude and guess what during lockdown I became pregnant. Sadly during lockdown I also lost the baby. I was heartbroken but this time I did not have any emotion I just got on with it. I decided to have medical management rather then the surgery as I felt 10 months ago I was under anaesthetic and I felt it wasn’t right for my body. The medical management did not work. So nearly 9 weeks later I am told I still have the remains inside me I will need to have the surgery. The doctors and nurses are shocked I feel so pain or have not felt unwell.
During my consultation with my doctor she told me I am able to conceive but I have a 50% chance of having a baby. She said I am in a young category but I’m seen as high risk as in total this is my third miscarriage. She said I’m a small percentage of women who repeatedly miscarry and sadly the chances of miscarrying again is pretty high.
We went through a plan after the remains are taken out that they will do genetic testing. After I get my period they will check my bloods etc.
Yesterday I pretending I was fine. But I don’t think I am. I am trying to be positive but I have to be realistic there’s a 50% chance I may not have a child or children.
We even spoke about if I was to conceive again what our course of action will be. Close monitoring, certain medication etc. The doctor mentioned it decreases the chance of miscarriage but I should realise this does not mean I will be able to carry full term. I am happy to try but I don’t know how much more pain I can take.
I wonder if anyone else has been in this position ?I am able to conceive but not carry out a full term pregnancy.
I feel very down but at the same time I’m pretending all is ok. I have tears in my eyes. I am a strong person takes a lot for me to cry. I don’t really know what to do, how to feel. I know in life you can’t have everything I just never thought in a million years that myself and others struggle to have children. I really did not realise how difficult it can be for some women.

 

[bookwormbex]

I just wanted to comment despite not being able to share your experiences. Your post is heartbreaking yet your 50% chance of being able to birth a baby is the biggest takeaway from this. You're not unable. I understand it must be so scary every time you get pregnant, not knowing if this baby will be strong enough to make it but your time will come, I truly believe 50% is a better chance than most other women struggling.
You must be so strong having to continually deal with grief. I bet when your time comes, you'll make a very good, inspirational mother. If you have it in you, and you want this, keep trying. You'll get there. X

 

[Sliceofpizza]

Im sorry to hear of your troubles, really sad and difficult. I’m unable to answer all of your questions but I would suggest getting your partners sperm fully tested and analysed too. Wishing you well

 

[Motherpuffin]

I have been lurking and not really commenting on posts, but I wanted to reply and send you massive hugs and say you’re doing amazingly. Just before reading your message I had a text from a friend to say she’s just delivered a happy healthy IVF baby after years of disappointment and heartbreak, having been given low chance of success. So I wanted to say stay strong, and you never know what will happen in the coming years. They had genetic testing and this definitely increased their chances of success to ensure that the embryos that they used had the best chance of surviving. Please be kind to yourself x

 

[Lulu Goss]

Hi, so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I don’t have any personal experience to share but a work colleague was in a similar position. She had four miscarriages and was told that she may not be able to carry a baby to full term. Her fifth pregnancy a year later was monitored all the way through and she had a healthy baby at the start of this year. I know she was on medication too, although I’m not sure what, but hopefully this gives you a little bit of hope that it could still happen x

 

[Tui]

I didn’t want to read and run, just to say I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, I miscarried in lockdown, never experienced it before but it was such a lonely experience and I didn’t get any help from the NHS at all.

I agree that although things look bleak right now, 50% is still a good chance medically. It’s going to be a hard and emotional journey but I really hope you get there in the end.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

@Makeupaddict5, I just want to tell you something positive. Not my situation, but my friend. About 10 years ago she became pregnant (she was 31 at the time) and sadly lost the baby at 10 weeks. She became pregnant again very quickly (only a few months afterwards) and again lost her baby. She became pregnant again not quite a year later and said she KNEW she was going to have a miscarriage despite getting signed off work and literally doing nothing, but sit on the sofa, and yes, she had another miscarriage at 8 weeks.

It was only after the third miscarriage that doctors began to take her seriously. She was able to get pregnant easily but had difficulty carrying the baby to full term. Now I'm not entirely sure what her situation was, but I know it was something to do with bloods and that she would have to be carefully monitored if she became pregnant again.

She became pregnant with for a fourth time and was under constant supervision and I know she was receiving regular injections, but I'm sorry I don't know exactly what they were.
Number 4 had a happy outcome. She had a healthy baby girl at 37 weeks and a year and a half later had another little girl.

So please don't give up hope. I wish you all the best and hope that you and your husband will have every success with having a baby.

 

[judsmum]

Ah. Masses of love to you. My story is as follows!

Aged 22 and married for 2 years -no baby. Tried and tried and was eventually referred for tests, At first, the results showed that due to my husbands Undescended testicals as a baby he had a insanely low sperm count (as in 10 sperms per sample as opposed to millions!) we were referred for IVF but as per our PCT guidelines I was considered ‘too young’ for funded IVF. So, we paid for it ourselves.
The first two resulted in positive tests but miscarriage shortly after, the 3rd was a failure. Cycle 4 was a positive but a late miscarriage. By then I’d had enough. I had looked into recurrent miscarriage in great detail by then and through our clinic I had requested what’s known as Chicago Tests. They take about 40 gallons of blood (joke!) and send it to a specialist clinic in Chicago who test for all manners of blood disorders and gene issues. They came back and it transpires I have an endless list of problems that cause miscarriage including but not limited to High NK cells and issues with my blood coagulating ie sticky blood. Whilst these things caused massive worry it was such a relief because it meant there ‘was a reason’ and they could be treated. On my next treatment I had clexane to thin my blood, steroids throughout to supreme my immune system Due to NK issue and high dose folic acid alongside other B vitamins because of my homozygous MTHFR - that cycle failed. But then, following the same protocol I conceived and that little boy is currently on his bike even after miscarrying his twin.
The worst feeling is recurrently losing babies and being told it ‘sometimes just happens’ - it doesn’t help us and when there are tests that can be done to find a potential reason then it stands to reason that they should be available readily.
This will be a worrying time and heartbreaking and all the rest that comes with it - there were many moments during those horrific times where I thought I would never become a mother but I did, I can’t say it was hard but it was worth it. Please keep ya up to date and please feel free to DM etc if you end up with the same kind of thing as I did!

 

[TheScarletgirl]

OP i am sorry to hear what you are going through . I do know a few people that tried years for a baby with issues and have manged to have a full term pregnancy.

 

[Makeupaddict5]

Thank you so much for your messages was very comforting in my dark days.
I think after having a consultation with my doctor and realising I still have the miscarriage remains in my body and was told I would need surgery was a lot to handle as I felt like my third miscarriage journey was not over.
It's finally over and I am in a happier place. I feel peaceful again.

My doctor is extremely knowledgable and we have agreed on a course of action together before I next conceive and when I have conceived. She is very assuring and has a great sense of humour which makes me feel more relaxed.
I guess when the doctor sent us a letter about our Maternity care and journey I felt disheartened to read we have 40%-50% chance of carrying a baby. When I read all your messages on here I feel there is light and I should relax more as plenty of women go through struggles in their own way trying to conceive or having a baby/children.
I have a supporting and loving husband, we are fortunate to go privately and I am blessed in so many ways just the knockbacks have been extremely hard, lonely and isolating.
My mindset has changed completely and I know I will have days of feeling vulnerable but I will tell myself these days will pass.
If anyone wants any advice on miscarriages I am here to help as my doctor has given me a lot of recommendations on how to prevent miscarriage and what to do before you plan to conceive. I am happy to share.
Hopefully one day I can come back on this thread and tell you we have a healthy baby. Otherwise I am going back to enjoy tattle for the gossip site it is.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and personal stories from your friends and yourselves.
Means the world. ))