I split up with my husband 6 months ago (he was cheating on me, my decision to split up)
I’ve been so lonely in that time, resentful even as to why he gets to be happy with someone else whilst I’m on my own, my life is still the same, kids, home, work, he gets to go on holiday ignoring his kids in the process, I cry every single day, I feel old, fat & ugly thinking nobody else will ever want me, I’m so lonely, don’t really have many friends due to my ex husband & his controlling ways, a job I absolutely hate.
I need some help, I’ve lost 6 stone due to stress & not eating properly as well, I have zero motivation, I dread going to bed at night & then getting up, my GP has put me on antidepressants because my mood is so low, I just want to be happy again. Anyone got any advice please?
Hi Bogwoppit,
I wonder if councelling would help you to process what happened with your ex so you can let go of the resentful feelings you have. The feelings of resenting him and his choices that you describe are completely normal under the circumstances but sometimes we can get stuck feeling them and need help to let them go. Talking it through with someone who is trained in counselling can help you order the feelings in your mind and then you can process them and release them faster. Your local IAPTs service usually runs on a self referral basis so give them a call and they will pop you on a waiting list for free therapy. If councelling isn't an option then write all your feelings down. Write him a huge long letter about everything that's happened and how it's made you feel and then burn it in your garden along with a photo of him (haha is that a bit mad
)
It's important to remember that his actions are because of him, they reflect him, not you, young models get cheated on... It says nothing about you as a person and everything about him. There is a great book on amazon called this is me letting you go... Read the reviews and see if you think that might help you..
It might be that you need to work on loving yourself. You mention you feel old and fat (I'm sure you are lovely just as you are) but maybe have a glow up? Start small, have a pamper night, a hot bubble bath, dye your hair, paint your nails, buy a new outfit, have your eye brows done professionally or do them yourself. Make a plan to see family or a friend,arrange a play date with a mum from school maybe. Do you have any hobbies you have forgotten in the business of life that might bring you some joy? Follow all the self love people on Instagram (I quite like Megan Rose Lane).
How about going for a walk in the evening with your little ones. The fresh air and exercise will be good for your mental health.
I have found that eating well always improves my mental health. It's difficult to want to nourish yourself better when you feel like shit and don't love yourself but I think it's the single most important thing you can do to feel better. Again start small and just change up your dinner to something nice and healthy. Take a good multivitamin too.
Get out in the sunshine while we have this heatwave the vitamin D can do amazing things for mood!
My last advice is to find a fight within yourself to push back and say I'm going to use this shitty situation im in right now to power me forwards.... As bridget jones said "I
will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect. Instead, I choose vodka. And Chaka Khan" only definitely don't choose vodka.... Choose loving yourself and believing in yourself...
And one day I might take my own advice and do all of the above to get me out of my shit place
. Know you're not alone anyway... this place here has some lovely supportive people on lots of whom are dealing with similar, someone is always around for support when you need it here
