Loneliness

[BoujeeBabe]

Has anyone else felt/still feeling depressed and lovely during Lockdown? I'm 36, but never been a social butterfly with lots of friends - I enjoyed going out and about alone, and always enjoyed going out for food and/or a coffee with my close friend, but I haven't seen her for months and afraid to now because she's socialising with different people and is away on trips a lot, plus my anxiety is high and I just don't want to go far, so I'm anxious and nervous, especially as my main bubble and second home is my parents, who are vunerable as they are the only people I'm seeing.

I'm living with my boyfriend and we have 2 lovely dogs, but he works long hours and I feel lonely and miss human interaction. Transport is an issue as it takes an hour's bus ride to get into town, and I'm trying to reduce my spending as I'm only working part time. My depression is like a rollercoaster and I have a few health issues I'm trying to get to the bottom of, so that's not helping, but I wish I had more people to call on, for a natter, be it online and face to face for a socially distanced coffee. I'm lucky I'm not ill and have my parents and boyfriend, but sometimes I cry so hard and don't want to get out of bed knowing today will be the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be the same as today....

 

[Snazzy]

I can relate to your story. Wouldn't be a social butterfly either, just one close friend living nearby & others that live other parts of the country.

I have being having the exact same feeling - will today be the same as yesterday etc - well put !!!

My husband is exhausted when he gets home from work & doesn't want to chat ...

I do struggle to get out of bed, I work p/t also - I have to talk myself into it, actually telling myself just put one foot in front of the other !!

Maybe we can help each other out with tips & hints

 

[BoujeeBabe]

I can relate to your story. Wouldn't be a social butterfly either, just one close friend living nearby & others that live other parts of the country.

I have being having the exact same feeling - will today be the same as yesterday etc - well put !!!

My husband is exhausted when he gets home from work & doesn't want to chat ...

I do struggle to get out of bed, I work p/t also - I have to talk myself into it, actually telling myself just put one foot in front of the other !!

Maybe we can help each other out with tips & hints

Thank you for your reply, it means a lot. But I'm sorry you feel the same, it's horrible, isn't it? Before lockdown, I was quite active with regular shifts in work and going out and about, even when alone, and although it has always bothered me, I sort of realised I just needed to get on with it, but given the circumstances we are all in now, and feeling more anxious, it's really hit me that I've got no one, especially around here as I only moved in with my bf because of lockdown, and although I'm happy, I feel isolated and extra lonely.

I'm more than happy to try to help with hints and tips, and vice versa - anything to get me/you out of this depressive state....

 

[Reverend]

Has anyone else felt/still feeling depressed and lovely during Lockdown? I'm 36, but never been a social butterfly with lots of friends - I enjoyed going out and about alone, and always enjoyed going out for food and/or a coffee with my close friend, but I haven't seen her for months and afraid to now because she's socialising with different people and is away on trips a lot, plus my anxiety is high and I just don't want to go far, so I'm anxious and nervous, especially as my main bubble and second home is my parents, who are vunerable as they are the only people I'm seeing.

I'm living with my boyfriend and we have 2 lovely dogs, but he works long hours and I feel lonely and miss human interaction. Transport is an issue as it takes an hour's bus ride to get into town, and I'm trying to reduce my spending as I'm only working part time. My depression is like a rollercoaster and I have a few health issues I'm trying to get to the bottom of, so that's not helping, but I wish I had more people to call on, for a natter, be it online and face to face for a socially distanced coffee. I'm lucky I'm not ill and have my parents and boyfriend, but sometimes I cry so hard and don't want to get out of bed knowing today will be the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be the same as today....

I totally get what you are saying, because my mum is feeling very similar, but she lives on her own since my dad died. I go up as often as I can and spend an hour or 2 with her, but she knows that after I have gone she is back to being on her own.

Her social life and interests all collapsed due to covid, and several of them are unlikely to start again until after xmas at the earliest, so she is finding it hard to imagine the future.

I am happy to reply to you if you wish to DM me. I am a man, so I will understand if you don't feel comfortable or you are worried what your boyfriend says. I can;t say I am a therapist, but will try to reply asap.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

Think lots of us are feeling the same way so please don’t feel you are on your own with this. These are weird times!

You mention that you work part time- could you not go out for a coffee after work with someone you work with? Just for a chat away from work and to break the monotony of lockdown for a bit?

I would give your close friend a ring too, she probably misses you as much as you miss her! Might be a bit awkward to begin with, and if you’re worried about seeing her face to face then maybe just FaceTime her first to break the silence. If she’s been busy with trips and other people during lockdown then she’ll probably have lots to tell you about so that might take the pressure off a bit! Make sure before you leave each other, you make a date for another catch up or a coffee so you have something to look forward to as well.

Another thing that sounds silly is to make it a mission to have a chat with someone you don’t know every couple of days. I’m socially anxious (trying to get better!) and my CBT therapist advised me to try and speak a sentence to a stranger every couple of days. If you have dogs then they are a great ice breaker, say hello to fellow dog walkers when you are out with them. Comment on their dogs, ask if they know of any local walks. It’s a small thing and you might feel stupid to begin with but honestly you’ll feel better for it afterwards.

Finally, book in a date night with your boyfriend! You don’t have to go out, just make an occasion of not doing the same old thing day in day out. Make time for proper conversation with each other. Have dinner at the table, dress up and make it special or even just go for a walk together with the dogs. It might help you feel less isolated and lonely.

Hope this all helps, don’t be too hard on yourself!
X

 

[BoujeeBabe]

I totally get what you are saying, because my mum is feeling very similar, but she lives on her own since my dad died. I go up as often as I can and spend an hour or 2 with her, but she knows that after I have gone she is back to being on her own.

Her social life and interests all collapsed due to covid, and several of them are unlikely to start again until after xmas at the earliest, so she is finding it hard to imagine the future.

I am happy to reply to you if you wish to DM me. I am a man, so I will understand if you don't feel comfortable or you are worried what your boyfriend says. I can;t say I am a therapist, but will try to reply asap.

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry your mam feels they way, I really do feel for her. I know so many people are worse off than me, but sometimes you just feel as if you can't get out of that depressive feeling and that you're the only one.

Okay, thank you for the offer of a chat, I appreciate it.

Think lots of us are feeling the same way so please don’t feel you are on your own with this. These are weird times!

You mention that you work part time- could you not go out for a coffee after work with someone you work with? Just for a chat away from work and to break the monotony of lockdown for a bit?

I would give your close friend a ring too, she probably misses you as much as you miss her! Might be a bit awkward to begin with, and if you’re worried about seeing her face to face then maybe just FaceTime her first to break the silence. If she’s been busy with trips and other people during lockdown then she’ll probably have lots to tell you about so that might take the pressure off a bit! Make sure before you leave each other, you make a date for another catch up or a coffee so you have something to look forward to as well.

Another thing that sounds silly is to make it a mission to have a chat with someone you don’t know every couple of days. I’m socially anxious (trying to get better!) and my CBT therapist advised me to try and speak a sentence to a stranger every couple of days. If you have dogs then they are a great ice breaker, say hello to fellow dog walkers when you are out with them. Comment on their dogs, ask if they know of any local walks. It’s a small thing and you might feel stupid to begin with but honestly you’ll feel better for it afterwards.

Finally, book in a date night with your boyfriend! You don’t have to go out, just make an occasion of not doing the same old thing day in day out. Make time for proper conversation with each other. Have dinner at the table, dress up and make it special or even just go for a walk together with the dogs. It might help you feel less isolated and lonely.

Hope this all helps, don’t be too hard on yourself!
X

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Most of my colleagues are married with children, so that's difficult. I'm off on holiday for the next fortnight, so although I'm glad of the break, I'm missing the conversations.

I take one of the dogs for walks regularly, so I know I need to do it more as I've not felt like it, but she's so easy to walk and is no trouble, but honestly, it's an effort to move sometimes, I feel that exhausted and fed up.

My friend and I stay in contact and I miss her, she's away this week, but I'll speak to her on the weekend, probably.

I'm going back home next week for a few days, so that'll be nice and I'm hoping I can go for a drive with my parents to the beach, if not, it'll be just nice to spend time with them.

My boyfriend and I went to our local restaurant on Thursday and it was lovely, so I'll see about doing that next week.

Thank you for your advice and tips, I will take some on board, it's just that I'm zapped of energy and even the smallest thing all seems too much.

I hope you are well

 

[Cucumber and eggs]

i was thinking about this thread earlier and wondered if it was still active. Been feeling it the last few days, especially change in weather and being stuck in with 3 kids. I dont get anytime to myself but feel incredibly lonely and fed up all the time. Even if I have my husband and kids around me. Just constantly bored and fed up of the same mundane things every day. Would love to go out with a friend for a coffee etc... but I dont have any. Ive joined the gym but still havent plucked up the courage to go due to social anxiety. Im my own worst enemy sometimes.

 

[bobthedragqueen]

So sorry to hear you’ve been feeling a bit lonely! It’s definitely been a strange year and I think we are all experiencing highs and lows which are manifesting differently dependent on the person.

Would you consider joining Bumble BFF? It’s a way to connect with girls in a similar situation to yourself in your local area. I really enjoyed it when I joined and although I never met any one, it definitely brightened my day speaking to different people with similar interests. Just a suggestion x

I hope all feel better soon!

 

[BoujeeBabe]

i was thinking about this thread earlier and wondered if it was still active. Been feeling it the last few days, especially change in weather and being stuck in with 3 kids. I dont get anytime to myself but feel incredibly lonely and fed up all the time. Even if I have my husband and kids around me. Just constantly bored and fed up of the same mundane things every day. Would love to go out with a friend for a coffee etc... but I dont have any. Ive joined the gym but still havent plucked up the courage to go due to social anxiety. Im my own worst enemy sometimes.

Ahhh hello. Can I just say your profile photo made me smile!

The saying that you can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely is very true, IMO. I'm sorry you are also suffering, I wish we could all meet for a socially distanced coffee seeing as we are in the same boat.

In regards to the gym, maybe go early morning so it's quieter, meaning you might few less anxious.

I've got things I could do, such as wordsearches, colouring and starting a jigsaw I bought before lockdown, but I have zero motivation or want - I need to look into that and try to pull myself out of it.

So sorry to hear you’ve been feeling a bit lonely! It’s definitely been a strange year and I think we are all experiencing highs and lows which are manifesting differently dependent on the person.

Would you consider joining Bumble BFF? It’s a way to connect with girls in a similar situation to yourself in your local area. I really enjoyed it when I joined and although I never met any one, it definitely brightened my day speaking to different people with similar interests. Just a suggestion x

I hope all feel better soon!

Thank you for your reply. It's been one thing after another this year - bad weather and local flooding near my home in January and February, then Covid from March, so I'll be glad to see this year over with.

I didn't know there was such a thing, tbh - I read about this Rent-A-Friend site in the paper, so I'll look at Bumble and let you knoe, thank you.

Take care of yourself

 

[birdiefly246]

i was thinking about this thread earlier and wondered if it was still active. Been feeling it the last few days, especially change in weather and being stuck in with 3 kids. I dont get anytime to myself but feel incredibly lonely and fed up all the time. Even if I have my husband and kids around me. Just constantly bored and fed up of the same mundane things every day. Would love to go out with a friend for a coffee etc... but I dont have any. Ive joined the gym but still havent plucked up the courage to go due to social anxiety. Im my own worst enemy sometimes.

Sorry you're in a bit of a rut! I was like that at the beginning of lockdown. I think it was the all work and no play that got to me. I was still working but got moved to a different store which I hated and there was no relief from anything.

With the gym, try going midday, I normally go at lunch time to the classes between 12-2 everyday and I find it the best time to go. The most I've had in the class is 5 and the most I've seen in the gym is about 20 but that was a saturday. If you go on weekdays (hopefully it's do-able for you with the kiddies) it should be quieter. Mine is dead at that time. There's usually 2 of us in the class and around 7 people in the gym (big gym). If not I would say go after 8 or the last hour. My gym shuts at 10pm and it's dead there after 9. Hope that helps xx

 

[FlipFlop0706]

The motivation thing is the biggest hurdle I think when you’re feeling low. Start small though and go from there. Sounds stupid but I got to a point where I made a list of just one small thing I wanted to achieve each day. Silly things like dusting a room or just reading a chapter of a book or going out to the garden. Writing it down before bed and then ticking it off last thing at night makes you feel slightly productive and is a nice way to finish the day.

It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just Something small but enjoyable that you think is manageable.

In addition, is it worth popping to the GP for a chat about how you are feeling? Mine has been amazing.

Keep us all posted, sounds like a few of us are in the same boat!