Liz Jones #3 The FRS proclaimed she looked lovely and young, but then she soiled her Myla thong

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New thread! Many thanks to @Miss Lola for the title. Had to condense it a little to fit it in

Close runner-up was @Mediastar with "Catnip Lizard and the Poo Pants of Doom". We could keep that one for a future thread title?

Recap: As of this week, the MoS has shunted the Dreary to Mail+ where there are no comments. The change has come just in time for Liz's latest column about how she supposedly tit herself in a restaurant while on a date with the FRS. You can hear all about her bowel habits, sex life, abusing service staff, and is-she-or-isn't-she DOUBLE PARKING the FRS and David? on her weekly podcast; along with Nic's very sad, graphic recollections of past abuse by men, no content warnings given.

Liz's untrained hounds are all still alive, but she's being forced to relocate them because the landlord is selling her rented cottage despite Liz spending over £40,000 (or was it £59,000?) on renovations including a designer bath and a SMEG fridge in a fetching shade of Pepto-Bismol pink. She reminds us at every opportunity that she is antivax, anti-mask, and women shouldn't talk about the menopause because "we'll be unemployable!"

For the uninitiated, Liz's wiki page is here. @Bellagio10452 continues to await the result of a formal complaint against Liz for naming and insulting him in print.
 
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yay thank you @witchofwestbyfleet for the new thread and to @Miss Lola for the title..well this weekend was a rollercoaster, although down, sinking to the depths of depravity, seemed to be the trajectory of the musings..no words, really ooft

How long can the DM go on with this? Until she gets caught breaking an actual law (drink driving a good possibility) she just seems to rumble on, unabated, churning out tit..mind you I suppose we are here, albeit slack jawed in amazement about how rubbish she is, we read this crap..Why?

That is why we are here, we read this crap, full in the knowledge that we will never, ever treat other people, the way she does or behave in the self-absorbed, selfish and petty ways that she does.

Oh and we are real people, we do not need to try to validate ourselves via fictional characters, or imagine and write about ourselves as these, revered beings, to whom normal standards do not apply.

And the very obvious truth is that Jug Ears knows this, saw pics of her today when googling, when she was a plain jane teen, she didn't have huge tits, she wasn't even that thin, not fat either, just average..average boring liz

50 years later (that's 50 yrs since she was a teen, not that she's in her 50's) no change, not a thing, just a very unpleasant bully, who will always think she is better than other people...No, she is not
 
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"Morning Liz!"
"We're out of vodka, Fatso. What do I pay you for?"
"Well, actually, you haven't paid me for some time..."
"Shut it! I'm 40 minutes away from a bleeping deadline and I can't think without a drink... what have I done this week?".
"Well... you did tit your pants at the 'Spoons 'Grab a Granny all shots 50p' night..."
*clicks fingers* "That's right! Fish out that bottle of Algerian communion wine! I'll roll that story in a bit of Jonesey Glitter and no-one will be any the wiser! Bingo!"
"Well, I'm glad I was able to he...".
"Oh, before I forget, can you take the dogs on? The stench is putting off potential punters apparently. If you can't it's curtains for them. Your choice, I've got work to do...".
 
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Thankyou @witchofwestbyfleet , great title Miss Lola but ‘Catnip Lizard’ is inspired too!
Yes, talking of ye old demon drink.. isn’t she meant to be on the wagon? Yet she talked of supping champagne again.
If she’s an old Lush that would explain a lot of late.
The DM app isn’t even bothering to update her latest article now. Still last weeks effort. So all opportunity for comments closed down now.
 
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Thankyou @witchofwestbyfleet , great title Miss Lola but ‘Catnip Lizard’ is inspired too!
Yes, talking of ye old demon drink.. isn’t she meant to be on the wagon? Yet she talked of supping champagne again.
If she’s an old Lush that would explain a lot of late.
The DM app isn’t even bothering to update her latest article now. Still last weeks effort. So all opportunity for comments closed down now.
Is that the Mail+ app? On Twitter she linked to the column which has been placed on Mail+ and there are no comments
 
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Is that the Mail+ app? On Twitter she linked to the column which has been placed on Mail+ and there are no comments
No.. until today the main DM app updated her column in the YOU section. It also technically allowed comments but basically none got through. The ‘we are no longer accepting comments’ came on pretty sharpish?
Yes..she is being updated on Mail Plus but not on main Daily Mail app anymore. I looked an hour ago, still last weeks moanfest.
 
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She’s getting it in the neck on Twitter for the comments she’s been making about the Lionesses. She’s said they’re 11 Kathy Beatles and that they all have Pantene hair( her new version of Garnier Fructis type insult.)
She’s now doing a volte face and applauding Julie Burchill’s very competent article about womens football.
Incidentally Burchill has in the last six months been contracted to do more articles for DM than she has. Jonesie always did a regular ‘Companion piece’ alongside her diary, fashion, wigs, procedures, pet hates etc. Since Christmas they’ve more or less dried up whilst Burchill’s have markedly increased?
Hmm..it’s all heading downwards for the Catnip Lizard methinks?
 
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She’s getting it in the neck on Twitter for the comments she’s been making about the Lionesses. She’s said they’re 11 Kathy Beatles and that they all have Pantene hair( her new version of Garnier Fructis type insult.)
She’s now doing a volte face and applauding Julie Burchill’s very competent article about womens football.
Incidentally Burchill has in the last six months been contracted to do more articles for DM than she has. Jonesie always did a regular ‘Companion piece’ alongside her diary, fashion, wigs, procedures, pet hates etc. Since Christmas they’ve more or less dried up whilst Burchill’s have markedly increased?
Hmm..it’s all heading downwards for the Catnip Lizard methinks?
I'd rather have "Pantene hair" than her frizzy, tar-black rat's nest.
I was thinking earlier, her hair is probably curly (or would be if she hadn't fecking ruined it with the harshest possible dye over the years) - nicely styled curls would soften her naan-face.
 
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It'd be tough to outdo the thong-shitting so this week she's written about house-hunting. Or rather not house-hunting; she cancelled several viewings this week because Gracie is ill and Liz was not allowed to bring her (whining "but I'd be allowed to bring a screaming toddler that draws on the walls!") She rehashes her sacking from CBB and makes the guilt-tripping claim that being forced to move house killed her previous dog Sam / Michael / Badger. Do you think she might be trying to send a message to her current landlord here?! Although she swears she's totes not, because she's just found her dream property, she just can't view it till Gracie recovers! She gets in a reference to Marie Helvin again and calls her previous landlady a witch. Without a home, she "feels like a balloon in the wind" and "her mortgage offer stipulates that she must work until she's 85."

She also claims on the podcast that she "married an Indian because she fancied Naveen Andrews and Nirpal was the closest she could get." This is a bit like an Indian man saying "I wanted to marry a blonde white woman cuz I love Marilyn Monroe. Here's my wife, who bears a striking resemblance to Gemma Collins." There's a HILARIOUS ANTIDOTE about Nic and a wine glass, thankfully she doesn't share any past traumas without warning this time
 
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She also claims on the podcast that she "married an Indian because she fancied Naveen Andrews and Nirpal was the closest she could get." This is a bit like an Indian man saying "I wanted to marry a blonde white woman cuz I love Marilyn Monroe. Here's my wife, who bears a striking resemblance to Gemma Collins."
And both are equally racist, in my view.
 
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She is incredibly racist and the only reason she hasn't been "cancelled" over the way she writes about Indian men is her total irrelevance
This, as well as the racism, she also makes appalling comments about a number of people, whether they have disabilities, less than perfect teeth, fat or are simply working in a job that jug ears sees as them being "beneath her" she really is a rude and vile person, and in today's woke climate (ok wokery can go too far) but she is so nasty about people, that I cannot understand why the DM keep printing it, only people who are as vile as she is would be likely to agree or think it is funny to belittle someone just because they work in retail. Therefore I can only assume, like you, that the reason she hasn't faced any consequences, is that nobody complains, because the majority of genuine, decent people just don't read her crap... we only read it and comment here to have some right to reply to her outrageous lies and nastiness, and when you consider how many people comment on Tattle life about a variety of people, the numbers for this thread are very low comparatively... so it's as simple as that, mostly no one cares about what jug ears has to say.

I'm really glad this thread exists and am grateful to all who contribute, due to my amazement that week after week, the poison continues to flow and wondering am I the only person who thinks her writing is awful and nasty, how the feck does she get paid for this drivel. So I'm glad I'm not alone.
 
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This, as well as the racism, she also makes appalling comments about a number of people, whether they have disabilities, less than perfect teeth, fat or are simply working in a job that jug ears sees as them being "beneath her" she really is a rude and vile person, and in today's woke climate (ok wokery can go too far) but she is so nasty about people, that I cannot understand why the DM keep printing it, only people who are as vile as she is would be likely to agree or think it is funny to belittle someone just because they work in retail. Therefore I can only assume, like you, that the reason she hasn't faced any consequences, is that nobody complains, because the majority of genuine, decent people just don't read her crap... we only read it and comment here to have some right to reply to her outrageous lies and nastiness, and when you consider how many people comment on Tattle life about a variety of people, the numbers for this thread are very low comparatively... so it's as simple as that, mostly no one cares about what jug ears has to say.

I'm really glad this thread exists and am grateful to all who contribute, due to my amazement that week after week, the poison continues to flow and wondering am I the only person who thinks her writing is awful and nasty, how the feck does she get paid for this drivel. So I'm glad I'm not alone.
Excellent post 👏👏👏
Agreed. She has made some truly hideous slurs over the years. Truly offensive. Her appalling book ‘eight and a half stone’ as a prime example. I too am at a loss as to how this dreadful woman has not been cancelled. Others have, for far less. It’s truly perplexing.
 
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Morning! And what a beautiful day it is, to be sure! Tune up your tiny violins and brace for an avalanche of poor-me-ness and a quagmire of emotional blackmail! Together with some laugh out loud moments "How come Marie Helvin and Belinda Earl can get jobs on various boards"? Because they have talent and ability and are unlikely to tit themselves in the boardroom, love.
Enjoy!
 

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"Moving won't suit Gracie" it's not up to Liz, it's up to the landlord. Looks like her attempt to stall the sale by demanding the buyer pay her extra for the designer bath and puke pink fridge didn't work, so now she's using her dogs as an obstacle. And oh yes, dear sweet supportive Isobel whose business Liz tried to ruin twice. First by telling the world that said business was reportedly haunted (which Isobel explicitly wanted kept quiet), then disparaging David's personal hygiene when he was working for Isobel and handling food
 
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Btw, you know Jonesey utterly failed to read the room on Twatter regarding the Lionesses? Well, she tried to perform an epic volte face by jumping on an article by Burchill (which was surprisingly good) and giving it the big 'un... but got Burchill's Twatter handle completely wrong, so all that groveling was for nought. Oh dear.

"Moving won't suit Gracie" it's not up to Liz, it's up to the landlord. Looks like her attempt to stall the sale by demanding the buyer pay her extra for the designer bath and puke pink fridge didn't work, so now she's using her dogs as an obstacle. And oh yes, dear sweet supportive Isobel whose business Liz tried to ruin twice. First by telling the world that said business was reportedly haunted (which Isobel explicitly wanted kept quiet), then disparaging David's personal hygiene when he was working for Isobel and handling food
Don't forget Isobel got a fat slice of the profits when Jones bought Lawn House. She persuaded Jonesey to pay over the odds and the old Colonel was more than happy to show his gratitude!
 
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