Lily Allen #4 Miss me? With Miquita Oliver

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The podcast is Lily going to work and paying the bills though. I imagine she's still on David's healthcare insurance.

Those skeleton trousers are veering into Eugenia Cooney territory though.
 
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The podcast is Lily going to work and paying the bills though. I imagine she's still on David's healthcare insurance.

Those skeleton trousers are veering into Eugenia Cooney territory though.
Yes that’s true…but I’m not sure it’s the right job for her if she can’t make it a little less like a therapy session. There’s an arrogance in thinking you should be paid for that.

Disclaimer - I’m not saying she shouldn’t talk about her problems at all. It’s good to bring the spotlight on mental health, especially in her position - you can seemingly have a lot going for you but still suffer. But the last few pods were ridiculous and that’s obvious when you compare it with the more professional offerings from her substitute hosts. Simon’s life sounds like it was troubled and complex at times, he has struggled hugely with his own mental health, but he talked openly on the pod about his emotions and experiences in a balanced way that is helpful to listeners experiencing similar things.
 
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I’ve been reflecting on all the people I know who have had traumatic experiences - which quite frankly make Lily’s experiences pale into comparison (I’m talking about people who have, between them, experienced gang rape, parental bereavement at an early age, childhood violence, incestuous rape, abusive relationships and other extreme traumas) and they don’t self-indulge like Lily does over her childhood and marriage breakdown. They work actively on their mental health issues but they generally aren’t self-pitying and selfish (we all have our moments of course)
I think the first sentence here is a bit harsh tbh. In the same way that comparison is the thief of joy, no one can make themselves feel better by thinking ‘oh well, at least I haven’t been gang raped’. Having said that, the last part of the paragraph I agree with. Lily’s problem is that she has access to therapists and rehab and whatever but doesn’t seem to have made any progress or in roads into what the root of her problems are, but again I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss the trauma of crappy parenting when she was a child. She has no one, including it seems the actual father of her children, who she can turn to.

Like, I actually find it bizarre that she’s left her kids with the man who’s apparently so traumatised her with his behaviour that she’s had to take herself away from the situation to go to some retreat. This is a man who she only knew for a short period of time before moving him into her home and isolating the family unit because of Covid regulations. He has no ties with the kids, apart from being married to their mother. I’m assuming they see him as father figure, but what happens if he decides to move on? She’s just repeating the same mistakes her parents made and so the cycle continues. I think she still has a good relationship with Harry Enfield who was her stepdad at one point, but that’s not to say that David will step up to the plate once they’re divorced (doesn’t say much for their biological father either, if I’m honest).
 
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I think the first sentence here is a bit harsh tbh. In the same way that comparison is the thief of joy, no one can make themselves feel better by thinking ‘oh well, at least I haven’t been gang raped’. Having said that, the last part of the paragraph I agree with. Lily’s problem is that she has access to therapists and rehab and whatever but doesn’t seem to have made any progress or in roads into what the root of her problems are, but again I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss the trauma of crappy parenting when she was a child. She has no one, including it seems the actual father of her children, who she can turn to.

Like, I actually find it bizarre that she’s left her kids with the man who’s apparently so traumatised her with his behaviour that she’s had to take herself away from the situation to go to some retreat. This is a man who she only knew for a short period of time before moving him into her home and isolating the family unit because of Covid regulations. He has no ties with the kids, apart from being married to their mother. I’m assuming they see him as father figure, but what happens if he decides to move on? She’s just repeating the same mistakes her parents made and so the cycle continues. I think she still has a good relationship with Harry Enfield who was her stepdad at one point, but that’s not to say that David will step up to the plate once they’re divorced (doesn’t say much for their biological father either, if I’m honest).
I understand what you mean but, having experienced a couple of the things I mentioned in my other post, the best therapy for me - and others that I’m friends with - has been working with other people whose current needs are greater than my own. I worked with the homeless and I felt incredibly grateful that, despite my experiences, I have a roof over my head and if something was to go wrong there, probably a sofa at a mates’ house that I could sleep on. It really balanced me out and I came home feeling much better about my own life.

Gratitude goes a long way in supporting good mental health and sometimes you have to take yourself out of your privilege and change your perspectives to see your blessings.

It’s not unusual for people to have nobody to turn to. Lily has a positive relationship with her mum now by the sounds of it (though not perfect). She has a good friend in Miquita and probably others. She’s luckier than many in that respect. Not to harp on at length about my friends again but my closest friend lost both her parents and she has no siblings and only a couple of good friends and can’t afford therapy - that’s what not having anybody looks like.

I just can’t sympathise with Lily as much as she sympathises with herself, she really hasn’t had it that bad comparatively.
 
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Early developmental trauma which includes emotional neglect and attachment difficulties can have a profound effect on people, including very privileged people, leading to emotional and psychological issues, addiction etc. Think we need a lot more nuance in understanding how people get damaged by their experiences. Its not always the obviously traumatising stuff that impacts people.
 
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Yel

Moderator
I think unless Lily can get back to where she was pre-puppy gate then the pod should end.

Or they should change it so it isn't focused on their private life - maybe with a weekly expert guest or something.

As we all know from influencers it's very bad idea to turn your private life into the product.
 
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I agree…some of the friends who I’ve mentioned and myself have experienced neglect and abuse in childhood as well as these traumas in later life - it hugely affects how you deal with things as an adult and your overall resilience. But Lily seems to struggle more than most with similar disadvantage backgrounds and I think part of that is that her life is so comfortable, she has the time and space to indulge her woes in a very unhealthy way. She needs to widen her focus.

I acknowledge her negative press will have contributed to her mental health issues too though and I don’t have any experience of that.
 
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There's no 'one size fits all' for trauma. Sometimes, your head is so fucked you can't see the wood for the trees, irrespective of status, wealth and fame.
 
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I've stopped listening since Lily took a break. I can just about tolerate Miquita with Lily to counterbalance her, otherwise she's insufferable
Same. Hope she comes back soon - I'm usually in the office one day a week and they were usually my commute listen!
 
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Ngl, if Simon did a (filmed) podcast sitting in silence with famous people, I'd be up for it.
 
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Yel

Moderator
Was anyone else thinking how good Simon looked? Is it genetics or a good regime?
Such a close up shot and he looks under 30, not 45

 
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I dunno if it’s just me but I find it a bit weird to go and spend time around people who have it worse than you to make yourself feel better 🤣 I think we should just do whatever makes our trauma feel better without being like uh thank god I’m not this lot!
 
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I dunno if it’s just me but I find it a bit weird to go and spend time around people who have it worse than you to make yourself feel better 🤣 I think we should just do whatever makes our trauma feel better without being like uh thank god I’m not this lot!
It’s not really that simplistic. You get an enormous sense of reward from genuinely helping people to have greater wellbeing and the secondary benefit is that you get a very real sense of just how bloody lucky you are in the wider scheme of things.

I don’t think we should ‘just do whatever makes our trauma feel better’ if it just passes our trauma onto our children.
 
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It’s not really that simplistic. You get an enormous sense of reward from genuinely helping people to have greater wellbeing and the secondary benefit is that you get a very real sense of just how bloody lucky you are in the wider scheme of things.
how do the people worse off than you feel knowing that’s why you’re there? There are a million other ways to get through trauma without using those worse off than you. That’s quite simple
 
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how do the people worse off than you feel knowing that’s why you’re there? There are a million other ways to get through trauma without using those worse off than you. That’s quite simple
What? How do they feel knowing I’m there to help them? That’s the primary motivation as I’ve explained. The secondary benefit has sometimes been coming away and thinking…wow, I’ve really not had it that bad.

I’m quite insulted you think I’m ’using’ the people I support. I helped a homeless woman access support following a late term miscarriage last week and I can assure you my concern was 100% with her and not myself. This is my point - helping other people takes you ‘out of yourself’.
 
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What? How do they feel knowing I’m there to help them? That’s the primary motivation as I’ve explained. The secondary benefit has sometimes been coming away and thinking…wow, I’ve really not had it that bad.

I’m quite insulted you think I’m ’using’ the people I support. I helped a homeless woman access support following a late term miscarriage last week and I can assure you my concern was 100% with her and not myself.
I took you saying that you feel better knowing you could have it worse, you could go to a friends etc so at least you wouldn’t be homeless, as being a reason for you being there. Not the sole reason but a reason. Because you said it was a reason.

I originally said separately that there are better ways to get over trauma than comparing yourself to those worse than you. You then quoted me. And now you’re offended by that. Okay? I guess

Edit I said then when I meant originally
 
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I felt Simon was very aware of how Miquita was presenting him to the world so he had to actively rewrite the script! She wanted him to be the same as her with popworld being held up on a pedestal as the best time of their lives. He knocked that myth by saying he wasn’t happy with it, he had lots of fulfilling work since then, he works hard on his mental health and he is in a relationship. Miquita was pretty rude by ignoring anything about him that didn’t relate to her. I think she’s spiteful and jealous underneath the naive exterior.
 
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I felt Simon was very aware of how Miquita was presenting him to the world so he had to actively rewrite the script! She wanted him to be the same as her with popworld being held up on a pedestal as the best time of their lives. He knocked that myth by saying he wasn’t happy with it, he had lots of fulfilling work since then, he works hard on his mental health and he is in a relationship. Miquita was pretty rude by ignoring anything about him that didn’t relate to her. I think she’s spiteful and jealous underneath the naive exterior.
Nailed it. For Simon, Popworld was a tiny part of his story; for Miquita, it’s her entire identity. Well, apart from skipping and detective screenplays
 
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I understand what you mean but, having experienced a couple of the things I mentioned in my other post, the best therapy for me - and others that I’m friends with - has been working with other people whose current needs are greater than my own. I worked with the homeless and I felt incredibly grateful that, despite my experiences, I have a roof over my head and if something was to go wrong there, probably a sofa at a mates’ house that I could sleep on. It really balanced me out and I came home feeling much better about my own life.

Gratitude goes a long way in supporting good mental health and sometimes you have to take yourself out of your privilege and change your perspectives to see your blessings.

It’s not unusual for people to have nobody to turn to. Lily has a positive relationship with her mum now by the sounds of it (though not perfect). She has a good friend in Miquita and probably others. She’s luckier than many in that respect. Not to harp on at length about my friends again but my closest friend lost both her parents and she has no siblings and only a couple of good friends and can’t afford therapy - that’s what not having anybody looks like.

I just can’t sympathise with Lily as much as she sympathises with herself, she really hasn’t had it that bad comparatively.
‘The homeless’

‘I helped A homeless woman’

‘ Gratitude goes a long way in supporting good mental health and sometimes you have to take yourself out of your privilege and change your perspectives to see your blessings.’

‘ You get an enormous sense of reward from genuinely helping people to have greater wellbeing and the secondary benefit is that you get a very real sense of just how bloody lucky you are in the wider scheme of things.’

‘ I’ve been reflecting on all the people I know who have had traumatic experiences - which quite frankly make Lily’s experiences pale into comparison (I’m talking about people who have, between them, experienced gang rape, parental bereavement at an early age, childhood violence, incestuous rape, abusive relationships and other extreme traumas) and they don’t self-indulge like Lily does over her childhood and marriage breakdown’

‘ Lily seems to struggle more than most with similar disadvantage’

I hope you don’t say all this to the people who make you feel so much better about your own incredibly lucky life.
You sound very naive and blinkered for someone who has witnessed so much ‘actual trauma’ amongst your many ‘resilient’ friends.
How you know exactly what trauma lily has or hasn’t experienced?
How do you know what is trauma to each individual and how each person’s experiences shape them and how they experience events and feelings?

Praising people for how ‘resilient’ they are is not the compliment you think it is.

I hope you are not teaching any of this attitude to vulnerable or traumatised people, what a way to make others feel bad about how they handle their pain whilst you pat yourself on the back for being better off than ‘the homeless’.
 
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