Learning to trust again after a betrayal

New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
A couple of years ago, my boyfriend cheated on me, and then we broke up when I found out. It absolutely shattered my ability to trust anyone when because he had categorically denied that there was anyone else until I caught him.
About a year later, I found out that my mum had lied to me about something. It wasn’t something big, and she had the best of intentions, but again, someone I trusted most in the world lied to me and hid things from me.

Since then, my ability to trust anyone, or believe anything that people say to me, is gone. I hate the person that I’ve become but I’m so scared of letting my guard down and being hurt again.

How do you move on from those feelings that nobody is sincere and start to trust people again? I never thought either of those people would hurt me, until they did, and it’s changed something in me. Maybe it was a lesson I needed to learn, and actually you should just never trust anyone but yourself. I feel kind of broken right now and tired of feeling like this. Please help.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 2
I’m so sorry you have gone through these things. It’s a huge cliche but time really is the biggest healer. Plus, when it comes to relationships, it’s just finding that right person who makes you feel safe and secure.

my husband left me out of the blue in 2011. It honestly smacked me in the face him leaving - he told me he didn’t love me anymore and had tried but couldn’t keep going anymore. I was absolutely blindsided but had to accept his decision.

6 months later it was discovered his “new” girlfriend was actually 8 months pregnant and he left me when they found out she was pregnant. I was shattered because I suspected absolutely nothing at all. I don’t know how long they had been having an affair for, I never found that out. But it was happening whilst I was visiting my terminally ill cousin (who died 2 weeks before he left) and while he was “at football practice”.

I also found out that he had confided in a few people about the pregnancy but no one wanted to tell me. So trust in people was well and truly fractured.

I started dating, but the dating world had changed a lot! We now had social media, dating apps, smart mobiles - every tool that could allow a person to be deceiving and I trusted no one. Every date/relationship I have as paranoid and most of them proved me right eventually. I was a mess and in a dark place.

however, my turning point was meeting my now husband. He’s honestly one of the good guys. I instantly felt protected by him and that I could trust him. I let my guard down and allowed myself to believe in him and our relationship and it’s paid off (so far!!).

I’d also highly recommend counselling as they can help release some of those negative thoughts inside. However you need to believe in yourself. It’s so bleeping hard to let go of the awful horrible things that have happened to you, but honestly you can be happy and move forward again xx
 
  • Heart
  • Like
Reactions: 8
Agree with you both of you, wish I had some words of advice but sadly I’m in the same position, my (now ex) husband walked out on me 6 years ago for someone else, I was also completely blindsided and didn’t see it coming! But now I don’t trust anyone as a result ☹ I’ve dabbled in online dating and did have one brief relationship but he treated me awfully and was very immature so I ended it which has only fuelled my lack of trust! Plus the dating apps are awful 😆 it’s not hard to see why us vulnerable people are still single! I get the “you’ll meet someone when the time is right” it’s not happened yet😩
 
  • Heart
  • Like
Reactions: 3
Thank you both for your replies ❤

@PeneLope111 I’m so sorry about what happened with your husband, what a horrific thing to have had to go through 😔 my issues seem so pathetic in comparison, you’ve really been through it. I’ve thought about counselling but I’m worried they’ll laugh me out of the room for getting so worked up about such small things (in the grand scheme).
I’m so glad things have worked out with your current husband, you sound like you deserve all of the happiness in the world.

@allthingschocolate I’m sorry to hear you’ve been in the same boat, it truly is such a horrible feeling. I really hope things improve for us and we learn to trust again - it only takes one bad man/relationship to destroy your belief in everyone!
 
  • Heart
Reactions: 1
Thank you both for your replies ❤

@PeneLope111 I’m so sorry about what happened with your husband, what a horrific thing to have had to go through 😔 my issues seem so pathetic in comparison, you’ve really been through it. I’ve thought about counselling but I’m worried they’ll laugh me out of the room for getting so worked up about such small things (in the grand scheme).
I’m so glad things have worked out with your current husband, you sound like you deserve all of the happiness in the world.

@allthingschocolate I’m sorry to hear you’ve been in the same boat, it truly is such a horrible feeling. I really hope things improve for us and we learn to trust again - it only takes one bad man/relationship to destroy your belief in everyone!
Oh gosh your situation is definitely not pathetic at all lovely! You saying that in itself concerns me as you are invalidating your own feels. A professional counsellor won’t laugh at you - one persons issues might not be another’s, but they are definitely not too small. Please look for someone locally to speak to - you are worth it and your feels completely valid xx
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1