Welcome to your one-stop hog roast for Dinky Disney Dipshit, Kyle Pallo. Grab a chugger™ and some nummies™, pull up a chair and join the fun as us lowlifes™ and hatters™ critique the Daily Dump he calls a vlog.
Personal note: this will be my last recap for a while, for positive reasons, I’m going to be very busy business-wise over the holiday season and I won’t have much time to keep up with Dinky Disney Dipshit’s shenanigans. So for now, over to you, folks…
(Title by me, thanks for your votes!)
Chapter 13 of our ongoing chronicles of Kylow Rent’s catastrophes turned out to be unlucky for some, well, mostly for Kyle. Hurricane Ian’s damage to Pop Century turned out to be minor compared to the damage Kyle did to his own reputation with the fallen tree clickbait vlog of him puddle-jumping instead of hunkering down in his apartment ten minutes away. Criticism online spread faster than his waistline and he was lambasted by respected news outlets as far away as San Francisco and Argentina!
After clickbaiting his critics with a vlog titled I made a mistake that turned out not to be an apology Kyle doubled down with a second non-apology video in which he pretended to smoke a joint and popped some balloons. Touché! How better to respond to criticisms of being an insensitive bastard in the face of human tragedy than to pretend to smoke a joint and pop balloons? It’s genius. Oh, wait, no it bleeping isn’t. What planet is this cretin on?
Barely able to disguise his fury at the tsunami of negative attention he’s been getting, (and refreshingly almost all of it not from us!), he explained that making thumbnails of totally fictional storm damage and then puddle jumping in the wake of a deadly national disaster wasn’t the absolute checkmate of dick moves that he could have made, and was just part of his Art of making compelling content, telling a story, and playing the YouTube game. Here we were thinking Kyle was documenting his real life, nope, in his own words it’s just a story and a game. Don’t you feel played? Or rather if you don’t feel played by now are you clinically brain dead? Then Kyle sealed the deal by tweeting that he was Keeping it real! If only he had he wouldn’t have been called out by international news for fictional clickbait, would he?
Meanwhile, over on Jojo’s channel we were treated to a completely predictable but nevertheless monumental toothy ego-fest of how his mental health was suffering from having to deal with so much totally deserved criticism of his copycat fictional hurricane damage clickbait. Aw. It seems not every day is a blessed day to have international newspapers report on what an immature, insensitive tasteless turd you are in the wake of a lethal national calamity. Thoughts and prayers, rainbows, unicorns, mystic crystals and inspirational memes go out to him, obviously, because we care more about his loathsome bony ass than the 100+ people killed in the storm. Oh, wait...
The next day Kyle uploaded a TRON themed Daily Dump that featured about a minute of video showing us a TRON backpack sandwiched between nineteen minutes of so much padding the vlog resembled Latrice Royale from RuPaul’s Drag Race. The day after that we were expected to endure Kyle and Jojo getting blind drunk on adescent through the thirteen levels of hell, double date with two mystery girls whose faces were obscured in the thumbnails, as if we care who they are – we pity them, and doubly pity their parents. I suppose we should be thankful Kyle didn’t ask the two girls to walk around with paper bags over their heads thus objectifying them completely. All did not go well, however, because the following day Jojo vlogged that Kyle abandoned the date to go home to edit his vlog, and he ignored Jojo in a park the next day. So much for their totally staged BFF reunion. With friends like these...
Then disaster struck! For some reason Kyle’s videos were demonetized by YouTube! Which means he wouldn’t be paid. We know because he told us many times, like he was hinting for us to send him money or something, not that he’d do such a thing, we all know he doesn’t accept moneys (sic), apart from the advertising and fan payments that completely finance his playboy lifestyle, of course. He tweeted that not being paid was a bug and we hoped not, but sadly for once he was telling the truth, and YouTube fixed things.
Oh no! In response to a podcast criticizing Kyle and Jojo we were called Toxic Fandom by a wannabe vlogger that none of us had ever heard of, and with a video as sycophantic, inaccurate and illogical as his that’s not surprising. He was obviously just inserting himself into Kyle’s scandal in the hope of getting views. Bottom feeding off the bottom feeders of a grifter; the vlogging equivalent of The Human Centipede. As for insulting us, ignore it, he’s clearly just jealous of our success. Haters gonna hate. If you don’t like us stop watching, etc.
Kyle then continued to create fresh, artistic, compelling content by using the same formula he’s been using for years. It goes like this; spend half a vlog talking incoherent drivel on the way to an experience or to buy something, show the something, spend the second half talking incoherent drivel on the way back. Ta da!
He bought a statuette of a draygun (sic) in Epcot priced $150, available in Walmart for $50, and then (without even a hint of irony) spent an entire vlog praising Bob Chapek’s business sense for Disney’s recent universally unpopular price rises, which didn’t go down too well with most of his viewers, who called him out of touch and a shill, which of course he is. Fortunately Kyle clearly doesn’t need to worry about being ripped off when his fans pay for his lifestyle – his new car proved that!
Then it was off to Holloween bleep Nights (sic) where Kyle sampled some Zombie Brains made out of callyflower (sic), but sadly eating them didn’t boost his intelligence by as much as a neuron. He met up with old friend Frank, (sadly, not -enstein), who according to Kyle is Tim Allen’s son, and seemed like a nice guy, but a quick Google search revealed Tim Allen only has two daughters, so surprise surprise, Kyle turned out to be a fake-ass name-dropping barefaced bleeping liar, yet again. Unless, of course Frank is an FTM Trans-man, in which case he must have been an unusually tall and masculine woman before transition.
Not having a media invite (unlike every other Florida vlogger) Kyle couldn’t film inside the HHN houses, but we got to see a couple of seconds’ worth of Jojo’s shaky, crappy recycled vlogs instead. Confusingly, Kyle mentioned he wouldn’t be drinking, so we assumed he’d be driving home in his sexy convertible money pit, but he then proceeded to drink beer for the rest of the night. Perhaps that explains why we can’t even attempt to describe how he pronounced ‘chupacabras’. Lora said hello, briefly, stayed with Frank, and Kyle went home, proving to us all that Frank and Lora have a lot more taste than Kyle. As if we needed that confirmed.
Next we were expected to sit through an especially boring vlog of Kyle staying at a cabin at Wilderness Lodge, which must have taken him three days to film considering how many times he had to drive his golf buggy somewhere, get out and set up his camera, reverse the buggy away and then film himself approaching and driving past the camera, reversing back to the camera, and getting out of the buggy to collect it, and then drive a few yards down the road to repeat the whole bizarre process again. We hope nobody was watching him do this because we imagine they’d have had him committed, although Kyle might have liked that because so far he hasn’t filmed a staycation from within an asylum. Ironically my autocorrect just changed staycation to stagnation; it seems everyone’s a critic. The next day we got some more Wilderness Lodge footage and yet another Genie+ vlog, which illustrated that the price increase makes Kyle’s vlogs no less tedious than they usually are. Thank God Microsoft Word no longer has that bloody paperclip or it would be advising me to shoot myself by now.
Next our hero surprised us by flying home to Wisconsin like he told us he was going to weeks ago. He bought Smart Water for the flight, which he drinks all the time, and obviously doesn’t work. Kyle’s window seat had a great view of the wing of the plane, but unlike that episode of The Twilight Zone it didn’t have a horrible little goblin hanging from it whilst smashing the engines up, probably because it’s statistically unlikely for one flight to be frequented by two of them. Kyle’s professional clown Dad gave him a lift from the airport, sadly not in a clown car which kept breaking down – then again it wasn’t a BMW. When he got home Kyle’s dog Rocco was so excited to see him he ignored Kyle and ran off down the street. Kyle then played X-Box and hung out with his sister and mother. Nothing spectacular, then, but perhaps his most inoffensive video in weeks, but that’s not saying much, considering the tit-storm of his past few weeks.
Day 2 in Saukville began with Kyle discovering trees have orange leaves during Fall. Who knew? He then spent the afternoon making us and his sister cringe by pulling odd faces and skipping down the aisles of Home Depot, Target and CostCo whilst mostly ignoring the Halloween merchandise he’d gone there to show us. He then spent the rest of the day setting up Halloween decorations with his Dad and eating junk with his Mom. Compelling is not the word, literally.
Day 3 in Saukville began with a tour of Kyle’s Dad’s Halloween decorations which were admittedly pretty great. Then he helped his Dad marinade some chicken with honey, spices, and Worcestershire Sauce, and thank Mary mother of baby Jesus and Christ on a bike he didn’t try to pronounce it. Kyle then took Rocco for a ride around his abandoned hometown (did they know he was coming?) and told us all how much he appreciates everyone whostill supports him, except for all of the fans he has canceled along the way for calling him out on his bullshit, of course, curiously, he didn’t mention them/us. Then it was home to watch a Packers game, and they turned out to be a pathetic bunch of useless losers, so no wonder they’re Kyle’s team. Then his grandparents arrived, Rocco barked at them, and everyone ate BBQ chicken, Mac & Cheese. Nobody seemed to mind the complete absence of anything resembling a vegetable. Well, with the obvious exception of Kyle, of course.
After clickbaiting his critics with a vlog titled I made a mistake that turned out not to be an apology Kyle doubled down with a second non-apology video in which he pretended to smoke a joint and popped some balloons. Touché! How better to respond to criticisms of being an insensitive bastard in the face of human tragedy than to pretend to smoke a joint and pop balloons? It’s genius. Oh, wait, no it bleeping isn’t. What planet is this cretin on?
Barely able to disguise his fury at the tsunami of negative attention he’s been getting, (and refreshingly almost all of it not from us!), he explained that making thumbnails of totally fictional storm damage and then puddle jumping in the wake of a deadly national disaster wasn’t the absolute checkmate of dick moves that he could have made, and was just part of his Art of making compelling content, telling a story, and playing the YouTube game. Here we were thinking Kyle was documenting his real life, nope, in his own words it’s just a story and a game. Don’t you feel played? Or rather if you don’t feel played by now are you clinically brain dead? Then Kyle sealed the deal by tweeting that he was Keeping it real! If only he had he wouldn’t have been called out by international news for fictional clickbait, would he?
Meanwhile, over on Jojo’s channel we were treated to a completely predictable but nevertheless monumental toothy ego-fest of how his mental health was suffering from having to deal with so much totally deserved criticism of his copycat fictional hurricane damage clickbait. Aw. It seems not every day is a blessed day to have international newspapers report on what an immature, insensitive tasteless turd you are in the wake of a lethal national calamity. Thoughts and prayers, rainbows, unicorns, mystic crystals and inspirational memes go out to him, obviously, because we care more about his loathsome bony ass than the 100+ people killed in the storm. Oh, wait...
The next day Kyle uploaded a TRON themed Daily Dump that featured about a minute of video showing us a TRON backpack sandwiched between nineteen minutes of so much padding the vlog resembled Latrice Royale from RuPaul’s Drag Race. The day after that we were expected to endure Kyle and Jojo getting blind drunk on a
Then disaster struck! For some reason Kyle’s videos were demonetized by YouTube! Which means he wouldn’t be paid. We know because he told us many times, like he was hinting for us to send him money or something, not that he’d do such a thing, we all know he doesn’t accept moneys (sic), apart from the advertising and fan payments that completely finance his playboy lifestyle, of course. He tweeted that not being paid was a bug and we hoped not, but sadly for once he was telling the truth, and YouTube fixed things.
Oh no! In response to a podcast criticizing Kyle and Jojo we were called Toxic Fandom by a wannabe vlogger that none of us had ever heard of, and with a video as sycophantic, inaccurate and illogical as his that’s not surprising. He was obviously just inserting himself into Kyle’s scandal in the hope of getting views. Bottom feeding off the bottom feeders of a grifter; the vlogging equivalent of The Human Centipede. As for insulting us, ignore it, he’s clearly just jealous of our success. Haters gonna hate. If you don’t like us stop watching, etc.
Kyle then continued to create fresh, artistic, compelling content by using the same formula he’s been using for years. It goes like this; spend half a vlog talking incoherent drivel on the way to an experience or to buy something, show the something, spend the second half talking incoherent drivel on the way back. Ta da!
He bought a statuette of a draygun (sic) in Epcot priced $150, available in Walmart for $50, and then (without even a hint of irony) spent an entire vlog praising Bob Chapek’s business sense for Disney’s recent universally unpopular price rises, which didn’t go down too well with most of his viewers, who called him out of touch and a shill, which of course he is. Fortunately Kyle clearly doesn’t need to worry about being ripped off when his fans pay for his lifestyle – his new car proved that!
Then it was off to Holloween bleep Nights (sic) where Kyle sampled some Zombie Brains made out of callyflower (sic), but sadly eating them didn’t boost his intelligence by as much as a neuron. He met up with old friend Frank, (sadly, not -enstein), who according to Kyle is Tim Allen’s son, and seemed like a nice guy, but a quick Google search revealed Tim Allen only has two daughters, so surprise surprise, Kyle turned out to be a fake-ass name-dropping barefaced bleeping liar, yet again. Unless, of course Frank is an FTM Trans-man, in which case he must have been an unusually tall and masculine woman before transition.
Not having a media invite (unlike every other Florida vlogger) Kyle couldn’t film inside the HHN houses, but we got to see a couple of seconds’ worth of Jojo’s shaky, crappy recycled vlogs instead. Confusingly, Kyle mentioned he wouldn’t be drinking, so we assumed he’d be driving home in his sexy convertible money pit, but he then proceeded to drink beer for the rest of the night. Perhaps that explains why we can’t even attempt to describe how he pronounced ‘chupacabras’. Lora said hello, briefly, stayed with Frank, and Kyle went home, proving to us all that Frank and Lora have a lot more taste than Kyle. As if we needed that confirmed.
Next we were expected to sit through an especially boring vlog of Kyle staying at a cabin at Wilderness Lodge, which must have taken him three days to film considering how many times he had to drive his golf buggy somewhere, get out and set up his camera, reverse the buggy away and then film himself approaching and driving past the camera, reversing back to the camera, and getting out of the buggy to collect it, and then drive a few yards down the road to repeat the whole bizarre process again. We hope nobody was watching him do this because we imagine they’d have had him committed, although Kyle might have liked that because so far he hasn’t filmed a staycation from within an asylum. Ironically my autocorrect just changed staycation to stagnation; it seems everyone’s a critic. The next day we got some more Wilderness Lodge footage and yet another Genie+ vlog, which illustrated that the price increase makes Kyle’s vlogs no less tedious than they usually are. Thank God Microsoft Word no longer has that bloody paperclip or it would be advising me to shoot myself by now.
Next our hero surprised us by flying home to Wisconsin like he told us he was going to weeks ago. He bought Smart Water for the flight, which he drinks all the time, and obviously doesn’t work. Kyle’s window seat had a great view of the wing of the plane, but unlike that episode of The Twilight Zone it didn’t have a horrible little goblin hanging from it whilst smashing the engines up, probably because it’s statistically unlikely for one flight to be frequented by two of them. Kyle’s professional clown Dad gave him a lift from the airport, sadly not in a clown car which kept breaking down – then again it wasn’t a BMW. When he got home Kyle’s dog Rocco was so excited to see him he ignored Kyle and ran off down the street. Kyle then played X-Box and hung out with his sister and mother. Nothing spectacular, then, but perhaps his most inoffensive video in weeks, but that’s not saying much, considering the tit-storm of his past few weeks.
Day 2 in Saukville began with Kyle discovering trees have orange leaves during Fall. Who knew? He then spent the afternoon making us and his sister cringe by pulling odd faces and skipping down the aisles of Home Depot, Target and CostCo whilst mostly ignoring the Halloween merchandise he’d gone there to show us. He then spent the rest of the day setting up Halloween decorations with his Dad and eating junk with his Mom. Compelling is not the word, literally.
Day 3 in Saukville began with a tour of Kyle’s Dad’s Halloween decorations which were admittedly pretty great. Then he helped his Dad marinade some chicken with honey, spices, and Worcestershire Sauce, and thank Mary mother of baby Jesus and Christ on a bike he didn’t try to pronounce it. Kyle then took Rocco for a ride around his abandoned hometown (did they know he was coming?) and told us all how much he appreciates everyone who
Personal note: this will be my last recap for a while, for positive reasons, I’m going to be very busy business-wise over the holiday season and I won’t have much time to keep up with Dinky Disney Dipshit’s shenanigans. So for now, over to you, folks…
(Title by me, thanks for your votes!)
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the interactive livestreaming service often linked to YouTube.... emphasis on "interactive." That fu*kwit barely holds his own when he can edit one of his insufferable vids.
