Keepsakes - how sentimental are you?

[cantthinkofaname2]

I wonder if you can use the record player as a compromise? Like it’s his house too (unfortunately lol) so if he truly wants that record player there then fair play, but on the condition it’s repaired/restored so actually functions so “earns” the space it occupies. Re the boxes - maybe suggest optimising loft storage eg it’s ok to have whatever you want but it must be compactly packed and accessible/used else it’s just hoarding. Maybe suggesting those shelving units that are great for outbuildings/lofts and limiting him to a few so you can still use it?

He might also benefit from grief therapy? Like this refusal to let go of anything feels fear based.

This is the thing, it has all been put in the loft in boxes and hasn’t been touched in years. Now it’s come to everything in the loft needs sorting, removing as it needs re-boarding and work on the roof done, it’s all back down in the house and he isn’t for sending half of it back up there never mind getting rid completely.

I give up. He’s not long started another row and begun throwing bags into the skip whilst glaring at me. I’m coming to the realisation that’s whilst this is equally our house, it will never be ‘mine’ to the point I can make decisions. Everything is always going to come back to ‘this was my gran’s, this is my mums’ and I need to make a decision on whether I can live the rest of my life like this.

Thank you for listening to me sound off

 

[cantthinkofaname2]

It’s not me who wants to keep everything, but my husband. My dad died a few years ago. All I have of his belongings is him (weird I know, silly family dispute meant the poor sods ashes are at my house ) which has his hat sat on top. I also have his guitar which is hung on a wall so made into a feature.

Besides that I have 2 boxes in the storage cupboard. One with my childhood photos in, the other our kids stuff which I add to from time to time.

My husband on the other hand. Now admittedly most of it was left behind by his mum (she moved abroad) but there is all sorts of stuff. A full loft full just gathering dust. We’re at the point in renovations 9 years down the line of living here that it needs clearing out but getting him to let go of anything is a pointless exercise that just ends in a row. Most of it belonged to his Gran so has sentimental value I understand that, but why oh why are we keeping an old record player that doesn’t even work properly because he has memories listening to records with her? If it worked fair enough but it doesn’t. And it’s huge. And he wants it in our living room

There’s boxes and boxes of records, drinking glasses. Fuck me, he even found a box of paracetamol dated 1998 in one of the boxes. But me saying no enough is enough, get rid, is me being selfish as every house has boxes of stuff what belonged to family years ago

 

[rainbowlemon]

I’m a fan of photographs, but It’s okay to let go of items that belonged to others though. You can’t keep everything.

You can take pictures of the items so you would still remember them.

 

[LittleMy]

I am quite sentimental. I’ve held onto old family photo albums (keep meaning to pass them back to my mum). I’ve made albums of my own family recently because I like having physical photographs to look back on instead of having them all stored on phones. I have my children’s baby books and memory boxes with all their first little bits (scans, hospital tags, cord clips, hats, first tooth, curls from their first haircuts etc). I still had my diary from when I was 12 until recently.

I did have old games consoles and tons of CDs, books and DVDs etc which I’ve been working through getting rid of as I don’t need the clutter (we stream everything nowadays anyway). My husband is the worst for collecting books instead of passing them on when he’s finished reading them, knowing fine well he won’t read them again.

I agree it’s perfectly fine to clear out things you have no need for. There’s no need to hold on to everything. I understand it can be hard for some people though, especially when it’s things belonging to a loved one who’s passed. It takes time.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I'm quite sentimental really. I have been with my partner for a long time and I've kept every ticket from every theatre show, concert, cinema, theme park trip etc that we've ever been on together I did try to dry out and frame some flowers from the first bunch he ever bought me but I mucked it up so they ended up in the bin but I would have kept them if I could.

When my Nanny passed away and we cleared her flat out I found myself wanting to keep everything, passports, pictures, her mug she always used But it became too much and I think you have to draw a line and only really keep things that have true meaning. In the end I decided on keeping her diary that she filled out everyday, because it meant a lot to me that I could read back on her thoughts and I found it comforting as it felt like I was having a conversation with her. She'd left all of her jewellery to me in her Will so I obviously had that and the only other thing I kept was an old photo album because it had lots of pictures in of us together when she used to look after me.

I think unless something has a specific meaning, or is useful then it seems silly to keep everything. Especially if things don't work or genuinely won't be used. When clearing things out, my Dad always used to say if you haven't looked at, used, or thought about an item in the last 12 months then chances are it can go. If it were that sentimental you'd have done one of those three things with it in the last year.

If you have photos of your first bunch of flowers you can ask a florist to make up the same arrangement. There’s lots of people on Etsy who also dry and frame flowers so you could have a copy.

 

[Kim Mild]

This is really interesting . Both my parents have passed and I inherited their stuff, a lot of things had been passed to them from their parents/ grandparents.

In a way I feel like I am just looking after some things in order to pass them on to my children. I don't mind storing a bit jewellery and the odd antique. I also think it would be quite sad if someone didn't have the opportunity to have anything of their grandparents.

I did find having to sort out an entire household of belongings a quite a burden and a lot of things that had no significance to me were just disposed of.

I try to use the things I keep. I have antique crockery to use , rather than to be saved.

@cantthinkofaname2 can he keep these in a storage facility, rather than in the house. A house is for the living occupants.

 

[cantthinkofaname2]

So this is an ongoing debate in our house at the moment. Massively complicated as we live in my mother in laws old house and she left behind a lot of stuff! Generations worth

How sentimental are you? What keepsakes do you have? I’m talking cards/pictures the kids made, hospital tags. Your grandma’s watch.

Where do you keep it? Is it ever looked at? Used?

 

[cantthinkofaname2]

I had a argument with my dad about not keeping stuff, we got a ton of stuff from my grandparents, great aunt, great great grandparents etc an it's all kept in the attic in boxes

I don't mind keeping the odd few things, there's a watch still in its original box with it's receipt from 1912, an I've two little wind up toys that were my great grans, but honestly like I told him, wtf am I to do with all these boxes upon boxes of stuff, I won't be using any of it

He doesn't want to sell anything, an he wants me to keep them to pass them on, but really I don't want all of this, its going to go from one attic to another to another if my kids don't sell, I honestly feel like his generation may be about the last that really kept heirlooms, am not really interested in it much, I don't want to use it an I don't see the point in just keeping it in boxes either if someone else can get use out of it, he seems to think that if I have kids they will keep it an pass it to there's but honestly I see absolutely no chance in that happening, if I don't get rid of it then they certainly will

This is exactly it and how I feel! There is nothing of any value at all, MIL made sure of that before she left. It’s just all not what I’d even call heirlooms. Who wants a bible from 1947? There’s not even any handwritten things in it to associate it to his gran!

Not being rude but it sounds as if the siblings still see that property as your MIL’s hence not taking it? And maybe your husband even still sees it as his mum’s hence not wanting to make permanent decisions re binning stuff without her. It must be hard to navigate an arrangement like that but if it’s stressing you this much could you always look for an alternative living arrangement so the house can stay as the museum of family they want it to be?

I wish it was but they genuinely don’t want it. MIL doesn’t have room for it where she now lives she says give it to her kids. None of her kids, well besides my husband want it. To quote one brother he actually said ‘why would I want a load of manky old teeth, shit I wrote when I was 6 and to read back my school reports? I know I was a little bastard at times’

The worrying thing is this won’t even be the last time I have to go through this. M&FIL split when they were young. I dread to think of what’s in his house what my husband will no doubt cling on to for dear life

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

So this is an ongoing debate in our house at the moment. Massively complicated as we live in my mother in laws old house and she left behind a lot of stuff! Generations worth

How sentimental are you? What keepsakes do you have? I’m talking cards/pictures the kids made, hospital tags. Your grandma’s watch.

Where do you keep it? Is it ever looked at? Used?

I’m not sure if you’re asking this because you want to have a clear out - in which case I totally agree with @rainbowlemon it’s ok to get rid of things, there are lots of options beyond landfill now so you can see it as liberating that item to its next stage of life!

My dad is dead so as a result I have 2.5 photo albums of me as a baby (I was his first born) under a chest of drawers in my room. Next to it I have my pre-21 memories box which is a shoebox filled with teenage stuff through to just leaving uni. When my sister next visits she’s leaving a big plastic box of some of his clothes, I’m going to get those memories bears made for my siblings with them. One of my brothers wears some of his stuff which at first I thought was fucking weird but sort of get it now. One of my sisters gave me a bear he’d bought similar to one I adored as a child and that sits on my (at home, obvs!) work desk, my toddler loves it though so sometimes it ends up around the house. I’ve also got a hot water bottle cover I’ve had since I was a child.

I’ve got one small plastic box of tiny baby clothes for my toddler and her baby blankets. We’ve got those paperchase kraft boxes full of her artwork and some printed photos but I never kept on top of doing that lol. I have a lot of framed photos up downstairs. I find it easier to not hoard her clothes even though the temptation is defs there because I like that they were loved here and now will be loved by another mum who’s picked up a fun charity shop bargain!

I suppose the same method I use re charity shop might help you - I build an IKEA bag up and let it sit in a corner/my car boot for a month. If my toddler hasn’t asked for it or I’ve not missed it, it can go on happily.

 

[Snippysnips]

This is exactly it and how I feel! There is nothing of any value at all, MIL made sure of that before she left. It’s just all not what I’d even call heirlooms. Who wants a bible from 1947? There’s not even any handwritten things in it to associate it to his gran!

we have stuff of value which is why I don't understand why he won't sell it an give himself a nice holiday or have the garden done, someone else might enjoy using some of the stuff, there's antique sets of dishes that's all full collections as well as silver, but there's also stuff that I've no idea where it come from or who's it was, we have postcards sent during WWI, haven't a clue who the people are an neither does he, none of the names match the family tree so I've no idea why things like that are being kept when it could have been stuff a relative's bought from a shop, it might not even be our family's stuff an he's having a fit cause I want to ditch it

But I totally agree with you, there has to be a time where you think this has to go, I mean at some point someone is going to get rid of it, it's all well saying you will keep it an pass it down but is the next generation going do the same? As generations go on I feel they aren't as bothered about family stuff as the previous, as much as id like to pass the two little toys to my kids I doubt they will be interested in them when it's all going to be high tech stuff they are growing up around an will probably view them as rubbish

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

It’s not me who wants to keep everything, but my husband. My dad died a few years ago. All I have of his belongings is him (weird I know, silly family dispute meant the poor sods ashes are at my house ) which has his hat sat on top. I also have his guitar which is hung on a wall so made into a feature.

Besides that I have 2 boxes in the storage cupboard. One with my childhood photos in, the other our kids stuff which I add to from time to time.

My husband on the other hand. Now admittedly most of it was left behind by his mum (she moved abroad) but there is all sorts of stuff. A full loft full just gathering dust. We’re at the point in renovations 9 years down the line of living here that it needs clearing out but getting him to let go of anything is a pointless exercise that just ends in a row. Most of it belonged to his Gran so has sentimental value I understand that, but why oh why are we keeping an old record player that doesn’t even work properly because he has memories listening to records with her? If it worked fair enough but it doesn’t. And it’s huge. And he wants it in our living room

There’s boxes and boxes of records, drinking glasses. Fuck me, he even found a box of paracetamol dated 1998 in one of the boxes. But me saying no enough is enough, get rid, is me being selfish as every house has boxes of stuff what belonged to family years ago

I wonder if you can use the record player as a compromise? Like it’s his house too (unfortunately lol) so if he truly wants that record player there then fair play, but on the condition it’s repaired/restored so actually functions so “earns” the space it occupies. Re the boxes - maybe suggest optimising loft storage eg it’s ok to have whatever you want but it must be compactly packed and accessible/used else it’s just hoarding. Maybe suggesting those shelving units that are great for outbuildings/lofts and limiting him to a few so you can still use it?

He might also benefit from grief therapy? Like this refusal to let go of anything feels fear based.

 

[cantthinkofaname2]

I am quite sentimental. I’ve held onto old family photo albums (keep meaning to pass them back to my mum). I’ve made albums of my own family recently because I like having physical photographs to look back on instead of having them all stored on phones. I have my children’s baby books and memory boxes with all their first little bits (scans, hospital tags, cord clips, hats, first tooth, curls from their first haircuts etc). I still had my diary from when I was 12 until recently.

I did have old games consoles and tons of CDs, books and DVDs etc which I’ve been working through getting rid of as I don’t need the clutter (we stream everything nowadays anyway). My husband is the worst for collecting books instead of passing them on when he’s finished reading them, knowing fine well he won’t read them again.

I agree it’s perfectly fine to clear out things you have no need for. There’s no need to hold on to everything. I understand it can be hard for some people though, especially when it’s things belonging to a loved one who’s passed. It takes time.

That’s the sort of things I’ve got from our little girl. Accessible, stored properly so it can be added too. But we’ve also got his Mum’s numerous boxes with all the same stuff in from him and his brothers. I’ve asked his mum does she want it shipping over, she said no. I’ve asked his brothers do they want their bits. No.
Am I allowed to get rid of it? Resounding no so no one they ‘belong’ to actually wants it all, instead I’ve got to live with it. And 3 kids, every single birthday card, Christmas card, Mother’s Day card, pictures drawn at school. There’s even teeth which is just grim There’s a hell of a lot to the point it took me 2 full days to sort it all and at least try and organise it somehow.

I do get the time thing too. But it’s not as if his gran passed recently/mum moved away. Gran died in 1998, mother in law inherited all her stuff. We moved in this house in 2014 and have lived with it all since

I do realise I sound a bitch with all this by the way

 

[Elle Woods]

I'm quite sentimental really. I have been with my partner for a long time and I've kept every ticket from every theatre show, concert, cinema, theme park trip etc that we've ever been on together I did try to dry out and frame some flowers from the first bunch he ever bought me but I mucked it up so they ended up in the bin but I would have kept them if I could.

When my Nanny passed away and we cleared her flat out I found myself wanting to keep everything, passports, pictures, her mug she always used But it became too much and I think you have to draw a line and only really keep things that have true meaning. In the end I decided on keeping her diary that she filled out everyday, because it meant a lot to me that I could read back on her thoughts and I found it comforting as it felt like I was having a conversation with her. She'd left all of her jewellery to me in her Will so I obviously had that and the only other thing I kept was an old photo album because it had lots of pictures in of us together when she used to look after me.

I think unless something has a specific meaning, or is useful then it seems silly to keep everything. Especially if things don't work or genuinely won't be used. When clearing things out, my Dad always used to say if you haven't looked at, used, or thought about an item in the last 12 months then chances are it can go. If it were that sentimental you'd have done one of those three things with it in the last year.

 

[cantthinkofaname2]

This is really interesting . Both my parents have passed and I inherited their stuff, a lot of things had been passed to them from their parents/ grandparents.

In a way I feel like I am just looking after some things in order to pass them on to my children. I don't mind storing a bit jewellery and the odd antique. I also think it would be quite sad if someone didn't have the opportunity to have anything of their grandparents.

I did find having to sort out an entire household of belongings a quite a burden and a lot of things that had no significance to me were just disposed of.

I try to use the things I keep. I have antique crockery to use , rather than to be saved.

@cantthinkofaname2 can he keep these in a storage facility, rather than in the house. A house is for the living occupants.

I think that’s part of the issue. There’s just so much of it he struggles with what to keep and what to get rid of.
The record player is a prime example. I understand there’s memories there, of him visiting his gran’s and sitting there listening to old records. But most of the records what’s been kept aren’t hers, they’re his mums so we’re talking David Essex, Saturday Night Fever. Absolutely not his type of music. He wants to keep the entire lot for a record player that doesn’t even work. Which can’t even be that old as it’s got an (also not working) CD function, so it’s not like it’s one his Gran had since she was a young girl.

We’ve even got furniture, sets of drawers, chairs. I compromised a couple of years ago with a humongous set of drawers and had them placed on our landing. They look massively out of place as the rest of the house has slowly been renovated and brought up to date. I won’t even mention getting rid of them or even upcycling to bring them in line with the rest of the house as I know it’s a total no way. I’ve asked many times. I don’t understand why, they’re about 100 years old, tatty, knobs have fallen off. So whilst they’re at least now practical and are used they just makes the landing look messy. His reasoning is they’re good solid drawers what belonged to his gran

I absolutely understand and don’t expect him to get rid of it all, photos, jewellery etc. But we’re, well he, doesn’t seem able to draw a line

 

[cantthinkofaname2]

Is his brother single?

No. Range from mid 30’s to mid 40’s. Both married have their own homes

 

[iieee]

Is his brother single?

 

[LittleMy]

That’s the sort of things I’ve got from our little girl. Accessible, stored properly so it can be added too. But we’ve also got his Mum’s numerous boxes with all the same stuff in from him and his brothers. I’ve asked his mum does she want it shipping over, she said no. I’ve asked his brothers do they want their bits. No.
Am I allowed to get rid of it? Resounding no so no one they ‘belong’ to actually wants it all, instead I’ve got to live with it. And 3 kids, every single birthday card, Christmas card, Mother’s Day card, pictures drawn at school. There’s even teeth which is just grim There’s a hell of a lot to the point it took me 2 full days to sort it all and at least try and organise it somehow.

I do get the time thing too. But it’s not as if his gran passed recently/mum moved away. Gran died in 1998, mother in law inherited all her stuff. We moved in this house in 2014 and have lived with it all since

I do realise I sound a bitch with all this by the way

Oh god I’d say you’re not being unreasonable at all then in that case. I couldn’t put up with all that either, I’m with you - get rid. Why do you need to keep all these things when no one else wants them?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

That’s the sort of things I’ve got from our little girl. Accessible, stored properly so it can be added too. But we’ve also got his Mum’s numerous boxes with all the same stuff in from him and his brothers. I’ve asked his mum does she want it shipping over, she said no. I’ve asked his brothers do they want their bits. No.
Am I allowed to get rid of it? Resounding no so no one they ‘belong’ to actually wants it all, instead I’ve got to live with it. And 3 kids, every single birthday card, Christmas card, Mother’s Day card, pictures drawn at school. There’s even teeth which is just grim There’s a hell of a lot to the point it took me 2 full days to sort it all and at least try and organise it somehow.

I do get the time thing too. But it’s not as if his gran passed recently/mum moved away. Gran died in 1998, mother in law inherited all her stuff. We moved in this house in 2014 and have lived with it all since

I do realise I sound a bitch with all this by the way

Not being rude but it sounds as if the siblings still see that property as your MIL’s hence not taking it? And maybe your husband even still sees it as his mum’s hence not wanting to make permanent decisions re binning stuff without her. It must be hard to navigate an arrangement like that but if it’s stressing you this much could you always look for an alternative living arrangement so the house can stay as the museum of family they want it to be?

 

[prozacprincess]

I’m definitely not sentimental about stuff. I was once, but I’ve gotten more ruthless with things over the years.
People that visit my house always thinks it’s odd that I have empty cupboards when they’re always buying storage stuff. I have things on display that I find beautiful but I never keep anything just because someone bought it for me. My husband on the other hand often needs reigning in when it comes to keeping stuff he longer uses or is broken … there are 3 vacuum cleaners in his workshop

 

[rainbowlemon]

There's also this lady too. Whose minimalislm channel I like.