Well done to @03jessig for the thread title!! What a weekend it’s been 
“Not designed very well, this. You minge bags got the cheap one..”
After being taken on a three hour drive to Alton Towers for an hour in Cbeebies World and the Aquarium before being shoved back in the carseat like a prawn cracker in a chippy bag for a three hour drive back, Olive’s birthday apparently ended like a Hallmark Christmas film when she miraculously took her first steps on her first birthday in front of her whole family. Don’t let the fact that the only footage of this event actually shows her being launched like a dysfunctioning Catherine Wheel by her mum and then plunging towards her dad and hitting the deck make you disbelieve this really happened. Let the fact that her mother will say literally anything for a few likes sway your opinion instead..
It’s Saturday and Kate made an interesting outfit choice for ‘Olive’s best friend’s’ birthday party, deciding to look like a beanbag filled with mayonnaise wearing Mr Tumble’s Aunty Jean’s cast-offs. Fear not though, the pink jumper and blue dungarees were solely for being matchy-matchy with Baby Bespoke and not because she and Delo have started an adult baby relationship and she needed something big enough to cover her human nappy..
Imagine, if you will, a beautiful fairy glade, with lush green grass, flowers that sparkle in the sunlight, and mischievous pixies and elves frolicking in the trees. Now imagine that glade has been overtaken by tasteless chavs who are setting fire to the bins, and teenage girls drinking Mad Dog 20/20 at the end of their GCSEs and you’ll be close to the mismatched bargain basement Kardashian shitshow that was Laughingstock 2021. Obviously the rain was so bespoke that it stopped the minute the Makeups made their grand entrance to the sounds of Olive’s favourite local live band - The We’re Playing for Frees. There were condemned pipe-cleaner fairies swinging ominously from the bushes, we had 17 varieties of balloon arch - one for each vendor who said they’d gift her, a cake on a swing like some sort of budget circus act, a ‘couture bounce house’ (or ‘bouncy castle’ as it’s known to literally everyone else in the known universe), seating on the floor, seating on hay bales, seating on bar stools, personalised crisps, and strange biscuits shaped like Always Ultra Pads but coloured like the result of a cat eating a pack of balloons and then coughing them up with their hairballs.
Galumphing around in the middle of it all like one of the pink hippos from Fantasia was the Tripletum Fairy, matchy-matching with the birthday girl again, who couldn’t look less impressed with the set up, not even with the one single dreamcatcher hanging bizarrely in the classy jumpy bungalow. Surprising, I know, a one year old not the least bit interested in a backyard full of hay bales and beige and white and green.
A couple of Trolls, who were almost certainly customers of Walter White, provided the entertainment for the children. Unfortunately, the children were much more interested in finding food to eat that wasn’t personalised, white, beige, or the colour of cat sick, so Delo made sure the 4321st free gift of the day was well used and spent the majority of the evening bouncing round on his Size 5 trainers, absolutely spellbound by a giant felt Poppy head held on by spit, Velcro and hope.
Even though she doesn’t even read here (does she Matt) and despite there being no evidence of any messages and the only bad pictures she has shared are the ones already shared on here, the Human Rucksack has addressed the ‘fake account’ that has apparently been stalking her for weeks and sending messages to them both. Captain Obvious will soon be contacting Jackhammer to inform her we all know she’s set the account up herself in an effort to garner some sympathy after realising her weekend display has just made her look like an absolute beggy, braggy twit..
And finally, Delo’s hair…
As always, Read the Wiki..
“Not designed very well, this. You minge bags got the cheap one..”
After being taken on a three hour drive to Alton Towers for an hour in Cbeebies World and the Aquarium before being shoved back in the carseat like a prawn cracker in a chippy bag for a three hour drive back, Olive’s birthday apparently ended like a Hallmark Christmas film when she miraculously took her first steps on her first birthday in front of her whole family. Don’t let the fact that the only footage of this event actually shows her being launched like a dysfunctioning Catherine Wheel by her mum and then plunging towards her dad and hitting the deck make you disbelieve this really happened. Let the fact that her mother will say literally anything for a few likes sway your opinion instead..
It’s Saturday and Kate made an interesting outfit choice for ‘Olive’s best friend’s’ birthday party, deciding to look like a beanbag filled with mayonnaise wearing Mr Tumble’s Aunty Jean’s cast-offs. Fear not though, the pink jumper and blue dungarees were solely for being matchy-matchy with Baby Bespoke and not because she and Delo have started an adult baby relationship and she needed something big enough to cover her human nappy..
Imagine, if you will, a beautiful fairy glade, with lush green grass, flowers that sparkle in the sunlight, and mischievous pixies and elves frolicking in the trees. Now imagine that glade has been overtaken by tasteless chavs who are setting fire to the bins, and teenage girls drinking Mad Dog 20/20 at the end of their GCSEs and you’ll be close to the mismatched bargain basement Kardashian shitshow that was Laughingstock 2021. Obviously the rain was so bespoke that it stopped the minute the Makeups made their grand entrance to the sounds of Olive’s favourite local live band - The We’re Playing for Frees. There were condemned pipe-cleaner fairies swinging ominously from the bushes, we had 17 varieties of balloon arch - one for each vendor who said they’d gift her, a cake on a swing like some sort of budget circus act, a ‘couture bounce house’ (or ‘bouncy castle’ as it’s known to literally everyone else in the known universe), seating on the floor, seating on hay bales, seating on bar stools, personalised crisps, and strange biscuits shaped like Always Ultra Pads but coloured like the result of a cat eating a pack of balloons and then coughing them up with their hairballs.
Galumphing around in the middle of it all like one of the pink hippos from Fantasia was the Tripletum Fairy, matchy-matching with the birthday girl again, who couldn’t look less impressed with the set up, not even with the one single dreamcatcher hanging bizarrely in the classy jumpy bungalow. Surprising, I know, a one year old not the least bit interested in a backyard full of hay bales and beige and white and green.
A couple of Trolls, who were almost certainly customers of Walter White, provided the entertainment for the children. Unfortunately, the children were much more interested in finding food to eat that wasn’t personalised, white, beige, or the colour of cat sick, so Delo made sure the 4321st free gift of the day was well used and spent the majority of the evening bouncing round on his Size 5 trainers, absolutely spellbound by a giant felt Poppy head held on by spit, Velcro and hope.
Even though she doesn’t even read here (does she Matt) and despite there being no evidence of any messages and the only bad pictures she has shared are the ones already shared on here, the Human Rucksack has addressed the ‘fake account’ that has apparently been stalking her for weeks and sending messages to them both. Captain Obvious will soon be contacting Jackhammer to inform her we all know she’s set the account up herself in an effort to garner some sympathy after realising her weekend display has just made her look like an absolute beggy, braggy twit..
And finally, Delo’s hair…
As always, Read the Wiki..
“beanbag filled with mayonnaise wearing Mr Tumble’s Aunty Jean’s cast-offs” 
