Documenting the litany of misfortunes braved by Actor, Activist, Internet Irritant (and my old school chum) Jameela Jamil, as she fights valiantly against the white cishet patriarchy for the benefit of the oppressed*/co-opts any cause that she thinks will get her the most media attention. Also documenting how she was inspired to become who she is today by her abusive mother, who, not to be outdone, has her own tall tales of spousal and stranger violence and her own catalogue of illnesses.
Please add to the recap of Jameela's trials and tribulations, as I'm bound to have overlooked some:
- cervical cancer twice that everyone on The Good Place apparently knew about but haven't once come to her defence
- mother says she Jameela is suffering from cervical cancer right now but doesn't want anyone to know (good job then, Shireen!)
- breast lumps removed/breast cancer scare/breast reduction, contradictory about timeline (2014, 15 or 16?) - possible cover for boob job and being sacked from Radio 1 where she accused colleague of bullying
- pre-cancerous breast cells 2016
- bee attack/car accident that left her variously bedbound/zimmer frame/wheelchair (variously 2002 or 2003)
- bee attack/car accident in LA where she took refuge in a juice shop
- bee attack outside the UN (fell into a UN peace prize recipient and nearly got shot)
- bee attack with Mark Ronson (who describes one or two bees)
- accident with Olly Murs causing concussion, broken elbow, broken arse, despite video evidence showing otherwise
- this also caused a broken tooth still held in by eyelash glue till this day
- boyfriend describes endless concussions, high fevers, six months of seizures
- allergic to peanuts (favourite snack) and shellfish from birth
- or alternatively as a result of mercury poisoning to her gut due to leaking fillings, which then healed and allergies went away
- allergic to peppers but still eats them
- allergic to her own tears
- coeliac
- had multiple teeth knocked out by kids with tennis rackets in a racist attack aged 7
- recipient of multiple racist death threats on social media
- mother says J's spine was damaged by a schoolmate with a log and another schoolmate gave her a concussion
- had crutches taken away from her as a teenager on a dance floor while kids laughed
- never had a birthday party (even though I went to one)
- teenage girls specially went round to her home to tell her they were going out and she wasn't invited
- was somehow extremely fat at school despite subsisting only on two-litre bottles of Highland Spring
- eating disorder
- Hashimoto's disease
- OCD
- PTSD
- multiple suicide attempts, usually when someone else is talking about suicide or her contradictions are being exposed, most recently blamed on Piers Morgan for exposing her bullying of Caroline Flack (even though J was threatening suicide before he did that)
- multiple rape victim
- nearly dragged into a car by a man aged 15
- 'grabbed by the vagina' on Oxford Street in the middle of the day in her school uniform until she bled
- had her leg ejaculated on on three separate occasions as a teenager, all on tube escalators
- taught EFL (or variously English literature) despite not being qualified
- model but preferred to say she wasn't/was/wasn't
- came out as queer when are was criticised for judging a show about Ballroom culture, but steadfastly maintains a heterosexual relationship
- knocked over by a dead sea lion while out swimming
-kidney stones.
*Actual footage of Jameela in battle:
Mod edit sorry but that title doesn't fit, lopping off her name and using txt speak and missing spaces means it's sadly too long!
Please add to the recap of Jameela's trials and tribulations, as I'm bound to have overlooked some:
- cervical cancer twice that everyone on The Good Place apparently knew about but haven't once come to her defence
- mother says she Jameela is suffering from cervical cancer right now but doesn't want anyone to know (good job then, Shireen!)
- breast lumps removed/breast cancer scare/breast reduction, contradictory about timeline (2014, 15 or 16?) - possible cover for boob job and being sacked from Radio 1 where she accused colleague of bullying
- pre-cancerous breast cells 2016
- bee attack/car accident that left her variously bedbound/zimmer frame/wheelchair (variously 2002 or 2003)
- bee attack/car accident in LA where she took refuge in a juice shop
- bee attack outside the UN (fell into a UN peace prize recipient and nearly got shot)
- bee attack with Mark Ronson (who describes one or two bees)
- accident with Olly Murs causing concussion, broken elbow, broken arse, despite video evidence showing otherwise
- this also caused a broken tooth still held in by eyelash glue till this day
- boyfriend describes endless concussions, high fevers, six months of seizures
- allergic to peanuts (favourite snack) and shellfish from birth
- or alternatively as a result of mercury poisoning to her gut due to leaking fillings, which then healed and allergies went away
- allergic to peppers but still eats them
- allergic to her own tears
- coeliac
- had multiple teeth knocked out by kids with tennis rackets in a racist attack aged 7
- recipient of multiple racist death threats on social media
- mother says J's spine was damaged by a schoolmate with a log and another schoolmate gave her a concussion
- had crutches taken away from her as a teenager on a dance floor while kids laughed
- never had a birthday party (even though I went to one)
- teenage girls specially went round to her home to tell her they were going out and she wasn't invited
- was somehow extremely fat at school despite subsisting only on two-litre bottles of Highland Spring
- eating disorder
- Hashimoto's disease
- OCD
- PTSD
- multiple suicide attempts, usually when someone else is talking about suicide or her contradictions are being exposed, most recently blamed on Piers Morgan for exposing her bullying of Caroline Flack (even though J was threatening suicide before he did that)
- multiple rape victim
- nearly dragged into a car by a man aged 15
- 'grabbed by the vagina' on Oxford Street in the middle of the day in her school uniform until she bled
- had her leg ejaculated on on three separate occasions as a teenager, all on tube escalators
- taught EFL (or variously English literature) despite not being qualified
- model but preferred to say she wasn't/was/wasn't
- came out as queer when are was criticised for judging a show about Ballroom culture, but steadfastly maintains a heterosexual relationship
- knocked over by a dead sea lion while out swimming
-kidney stones.
*Actual footage of Jameela in battle:
Mod edit sorry but that title doesn't fit, lopping off her name and using txt speak and missing spaces means it's sadly too long!
Last edited by a moderator: