Congratulations to the thread title queen @TriviaNewtonJohn ! 77 reactions 
Also, congratulations to all of us for reaching the grand old age of 90. We are now a cabal of nonagenarian ninnies.
Recap of thread #89
Also, congratulations to all of us for reaching the grand old age of 90. We are now a cabal of nonagenarian ninnies.
Recap of thread #89
- Her stacked takeaway boxed meals in her defrosted freezer seemed to disprove Newtonās Third Law of Motion. This is Jack Law of Motion: There will be a gap of literal air between two allegedly full boxes of food. Thanks @Veronicaaa for this.
- Jack Monroe Food Safety 101: Donāt go wasting money on decent Tupperware to freeze your batch bullshit in! Literally just reuse your foil containers and cardboard lids until one or all of your family members can no longer feel the left side of their body. If Jack says so, that means itās o-kay.
- She locked her account and then opened it again. Cuckoo.
- She posted the same picture of a sandwich: one, twice, three times listeria.
- She made a really basic lentil soup sound hella complicated.
- Oh, do you like her lovely Denby bowl? Why, it was a charity shop purchase, of course. Gotta love a bargain! Or a patreon account!
- She makes dinner for 5pm so she can plate and shoot before the free (yep, itās free for everyone) light goes. Clocks go back soon, Jack
- She keeps the fat from sausages in a jar. For ... forensic reasons?
- Garbage risotto, anyone? Cockle popcorn? Anyone?
- She made a peri-peri sardine dip with which to dip radishes. Not sure what the sauce reminds me of exactly, but she āpulled it offā.
- Oh, god. Also peri-peri devilled eggs. Nefariousness on a plate. Plate probably from a charity shop or puddle.
- She tried to insert herself into a Daily Mail / comedian-with-the-cute-puppy drama. Still reaching for that sidebar!
- When, oh when is she going to publish her recipe for anchoĆÆade?!
- Brexit is jokes to her on Twitter. She just has that kind of humour.
- The Burberry scarf (yep that one) may in fact pre-date the puddle. Thanks Silver and Lilamay for your pursuit of the truth.
- She made massacre in a bowl for breakfast. Hold me.
- Someone tell me where she buys her velvet curtains, cause I also want to look like Iām miraculously 19 again.
- @Bugger13 finally solved the mystery of the livers (through the art of fiction) here.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ās āJack for Dummiesā post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jackās most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
āBabe, sameā
āI did a chaosā
āMy maverick brainā
āMy sad little faceā
āIām BUSYā
āI HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā
āI laughed up a lungā
One of Jackās followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as āgossip mavensā (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To āGrunkaLunkaā your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatās what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonāt be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itās what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some āRIP Vivā jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinās bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to āhorse spunkā - there may be some horse āspiritā lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: āThank you so Matt much, Mattā, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: āNow duck offā. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackās own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail āSheās Lyingā picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackās latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheās lying.*
Also:
Here is a link to Jackās Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering āTerrible!ā on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ās hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donāt discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jackās most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
āBabe, sameā
āI did a chaosā
āMy maverick brainā
āMy sad little faceā
āIām BUSYā
āI HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā
āI laughed up a lungā
One of Jackās followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as āgossip mavensā (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To āGrunkaLunkaā your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatās what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonāt be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itās what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some āRIP Vivā jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinās bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to āhorse spunkā - there may be some horse āspiritā lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: āThank you so Matt much, Mattā, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: āNow duck offā. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackās own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail āSheās Lyingā picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackās latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheās lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackās words: āShe [Louisa] leftā.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. āIt just does.ā
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jackās Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering āTerrible!ā on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ās hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donāt discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
She was constantly texting guys because she needed validation. She was extremely toxic and I just couldnāt be bothered with the lies anymore. Needless to say the PhD was never completed (and I donāt know or care about the excuse) and her current boyfriend is 10 years younger, so poor guy doesnāt know what heās in for. Sorry thatās long and off topic but everything Jack does reminds me so much of her. I feel strangely vindicated by everyone recognising the narcissistic pattern.
Needless to say, still waiting on my scarf, dammit! Going to have to create some more fake drama, thereās a Denby set I have my eye on for Christmas ..
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