Well rinse my beans, another group frauen effort in the thread title! Congratulations to @byropaw for the words, and @bignose28 for nominating them. Working together, we can make a change ...
Recap of thread #88
Recap of thread #88
- She indulged in one of her ‘twice-yearly’ designated rest and relaxation slots and had a nap after the school run. She also wants to embrace anything hygge.
- She produced some food - more maverick sandwiches and yet more bowls of what looked like various iterations of Shrek’s dirty bathwater.
- She’s particularly furious at being sent a PR email that offered her Caviar vodka. I mean, how dare they, it’s not vegan.
- She was still going on about multiple radios and one of the Mrs Js.
- First time I’ve ever heard of a butter sausage. Surprise, surprise, she put it in a curry.
- She wants to be explicitly clear that she eats mostly vegan. Anchoïade, Tesco’s finest mackerel, and devilled eggs, oh my!
- She has half a million eyes (across various social media platforms) on her and just wants to cook sausages without writing an essay and feeling the ouches. What kind of sausages do you use, Jack? ANY, now get to duck.
- She knows how to colour inside the lines.
- Don’t be suggesting omega supplements to her so that she doesn’t have to eat the fishies. They’re. Not. In. Her. Budget.
- She’s been trying to moderate social media (code: she hasn’t been on Twitter for a few hours).
- Does bombproof cupboard cardboard cheese count as vegan? Don’t be saying that she should buy nutritional yeast, it’s too Expensive.
- Jack, those chicken thighs are DEAD. Please stop resurrecting them.
- She has made 17 ready meals from an indeterminate amount of shops.
- Jack Monroe Food Safety 101: Don’t muck about with all that defrosting properly in the fridge lark. Just chuck it in the microwave and nuke it to kingdom come.
- She’s in a ‘good bit’ at the moment, which means a ‘disaster is probably imminent.’ Pie Jesu.
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For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
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Oh wait, didn't happen did it!