Gawd bless these threads and us, we are now collectively octogenarian frauen and herren. Time to draw our old age welfare. Congratulations to @TriviaNewtonJohn for another phenomenally lovely thread title! 75 reactions 
seasoned pro! (With PBOB)
Recap of thread #79
seasoned pro! (With PBOB)Recap of thread #79
- Another poorly-written recipe went up on the website, this time for the the rainbow dhansak. Scum, subhuman scum.
- Sheâs wrestling with both her poverty book and her self-timer button. At least she has some decent headshots, should she ever choose interpretive theatre as a new career path. âJack Monroe: My Block of Ages.â I can see the billboard now: âBlank procrastination, sheer exhaustion and abject despair coming to a community centre near you. Tickets selling slowly.â
- Her âpatchyâ hairline and âslightly distinguishedâ temple say hi. We say, âA sphincter says what?â
- Burnout strikes again. She has no idea where September went. Babe, same. Are we here again?
- Tired of pictures of doggos, she now wants a real-life doggo. Just, no.
- She asked: âIf you could do three simple things in the evening before bed that would set you up better for the night and then day ahead, what would yours be?â Wash. My. Hands.
- âWhoopsie stickerâ breakfast consisted of blackened bananas, 10p potato cakes and last scraps of the cooking bacon. That whole sentence made me feel weak with longing for a better world, one without this breakfast in it.
- Oh, look at this PHENOMENALLY LOVELY, GORGEOUS flat that her friend is renting out. Sheâs imagining herself living there. Can you, dear one? Can you see her there? Can you?? <rattle, rattle goes the tip jar!>
- Howâs the, erm ... book going? Hella AF close to the deadline. Hella close.
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For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon âs âJack for Dummiesâ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jackâs most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
âBabe, sameâ
âI did a chaosâ
âMy maverick brainâ
âMy sad little faceâ
âIâm BUSYâ
âI HOOTED / I am FIZZINGâ
âI laughed up a lungâ
One of Jackâs followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausâąïž. She also recently referred to us as âgossip mavensâ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To âGrunkaLunkaâ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatâs what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonât be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itâs what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some âRIP Vivâ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinâs bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to âhorse spunkâ - there may be some horse âspiritâ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: âThank you so Matt much, Mattâ, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: âNow duck offâ. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackâs own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail âSheâs Lyingâ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackâs latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheâs lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a ÂŁ4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackâs words: âShe [Louisa] leftâ.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. âIt just does.â
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jackâs Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering âTerrible!â on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil âs hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donât discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
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