It was to help people cook recipes with limited food available. Matt could have nailed it. Jamie did. Jack did not.
Jack Monroe #601 Replican't
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I know it's early but... thread title?
This needs explaining. The misery just seems off those place mats. The peas on their own are creating a misama of despair. If this is the level of festive knees up round her, then I feel that she will never k ow happi ess as she has no basic understanding of it. She will spend her time trying to create a replicant of happiness without anything to work with and keep finding herself clutching broken hearts in bombed out, suitcases halls, something something...
That's not a Christmas dinner. That's Christmas rations. "One slice of beef and two roast potatoes each. I said two Brian, put that other one back!"
Festive cheer is being rationed as well.
Y'know, if you have huge norks but can't afford an industrial strength bra, you can make your own from some deftly arranged cloth, 3 carabiners and an S hook
.
Dear god are we counting carabiners?
This popped up in my photo memories yesterday, was this the one with the pears? 
Mmm, it's not Christmas until I've had my wasp casserole.
It’s the festive season ffs, why why why why??This popped up in my photo memories yesterday, was this the one with the pears?
That's four lovely ingredients ruined by putting them where they don't belong.
roast beef and roast potatoes, allegedly
What, and I mean this in the most polite way possible, the absolute frig is going on here…This popped up in my photo memories yesterday, was this the one with the pears?
This is an abstract from her proto-lesbian years as a photographer and depicts the sometimes endless search for the clitoris.
Dunno but one of those chickpea lads is doing Munch’s The Scream
I’ve never seen the baked wasps before!
“Fishfinger comic lasagne“ and “thrice boiled beetroot water” pasta with “raw flour blended with oil and a cheese slice” sauce for me, on the most offensive slop list
I’ve never seen the baked wasps before!
“Fishfinger comic lasagne“ and “thrice boiled beetroot water” pasta with “raw flour blended with oil and a cheese slice” sauce for me, on the most offensive slop list
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Somehow in all the horror excitement over Grifty Kitchen, I missed the tip about making washing-up cloths.
If you hem the cloths with glue, even with a hot iron and a tea towel (equipment that all povs have on hand in working order) placed on top of the cloth, the glue is going to dissolve the very first time the cloth is placed in hot water, or washed. Guest also forgot to mention that the ironing should be done on top of another towel, or on an ironing board, unless you would like a nice scorch mark on your bungakitchen counter.
Hemming something like this is just about the simplest kind of sewing that anyone can do (except for cack-handed fools like guest). Or you could just cut the spare material into the right size square, and trim any loose ends as they happen.
Thank[space]you, rattle rattle.
If you hem the cloths with glue, even with a hot iron and a tea towel (equipment that all povs have on hand in working order) placed on top of the cloth, the glue is going to dissolve the very first time the cloth is placed in hot water, or washed. Guest also forgot to mention that the ironing should be done on top of another towel, or on an ironing board, unless you would like a nice scorch mark on your bungakitchen counter.
Hemming something like this is just about the simplest kind of sewing that anyone can do (except for cack-handed fools like guest). Or you could just cut the spare material into the right size square, and trim any loose ends as they happen.
Thank[space]you, rattle rattle.
Even in the early days she was wanging on that you could use cat food tins for napkin rings. I didn’t click on until the other year that she was using the expensive little gold tins. I’d been imagining she suggested rinsing and chopping the other end off a 400g tin of Kit e Kat, to put a napkin in.
Also if you have napkins but no rings, simply fold the napkin. #hoteshacks
Also if you have napkins but no rings, simply fold the napkin. #hoteshacks
The very very best bit of the GK launch and safety backlash was the neckbeards and rage nanas getting into some serious contortions to insist that #JackShacks are perfectly sensible thankyouverymuch right up to and beyond the point where the publishing house was issuing disclaimers and the Trussel Trust was trying to distance itself.
If not a blatant lie (FREQUENTLY?!?), squig at the very least has no idea what a boning knife is.
Gold star for elaborate scenario
Fuckinell two man job was it?
Grylls advocates sucking the water out of elephant plops, maybe not a great comparison mate.
Either batshit or taking the piss, can’t decide.
Thankyou Professor.
That’s the bar then is it, missis?
OK there are more trolls than sycophants represented here, clearly.
Don’t have a meldown, folks.
Allow her to briefly explain:
If not a blatant lie (FREQUENTLY?!?), squig at the very least has no idea what a boning knife is.
Gold star for elaborate scenario
Fuckinell two man job was it?
Grylls advocates sucking the water out of elephant plops, maybe not a great comparison mate.
Either batshit or taking the piss, can’t decide.
Thankyou Professor.
That’s the bar then is it, missis?
OK there are more trolls than sycophants represented here, clearly.
Don’t have a meldown, folks.
Allow her to briefly explain:
I'm gonna imagine that she only got the DKL gig because an end-of-her-tether LJC called in some favours in a time when nobody wanted to leave their house.Just like the time Jack demonstrated exactly how incompetent she is by chucking a massive bleeping tantrum to get the presenting gig on a cooking tv show she’d unfathomably decided she deserved (despite having zero aptitude for cooking, presenting, or even just being on TV/being a remotely pleasant human being), then went on national tv and promptly Slopalonged her own five year old slop concoction.Some more lesser-seen DKL slop pics (containsIt was never great to begin with, View attachment 3337259but by DKL it looks like it was sat congealing in that Guardian pan, wizening for five years one month then slopped ceremoniously onto some equally unappetizing rice (probably left over from some five year old Guardian risotto horror or other). She made this on national tv in a bleeping tv studio FFS!
View attachment 3337262Just like the poor sad wizened nonagenarian Christmas chicken, it’s basically culinary Theoden. View attachment 3337273
)
View attachment 3337264Even Matt (Matt of the forearms, not Matt not of the forearms) couldn’t save this one by making it himself View attachment 3337265View attachment 3337266DKL ss @heretoreaditall2019 and @Brian Butterfield Slops: talentless insufferable irredeemable tragic twit’s own.
POBP
Too short...Plenty Of Black Pepper. (Might be some fag ash in there too by the looks of it)
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