Jack Monroe #601 Replican't

[Captainmouse]

SMOTFA is anchovy fishing

 

[HotesTilaire]

No hats, no food pics. This is a tit Christmas.

Best Xmas ever, you mean! When people pray for Peace on Earth and goodwill to all, this is what they were hoping for. Not a single chainsaw pudding or smidge of gold lustre.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Best Xmas ever, you mean! When people pray for Peace on Earth and goodwill to all, this is what they were hoping for. Not a single chainsaw pudding or smidge of gold lustre.

Courtesy of @Marmalade Atkins voila! The Christmas Chainsaw of Monroe. Don’t forget to crank up the volume.

Enjoy!

(Slop warning)

Jack Monroe #558 I own a fridge! This is my cooker! Look at my rug! Look at my duvet!

Merryspacechristmas you lovely bleeps xxxxx

tattle.life

Fucken scarlet for her. How can one person be so proudly and perpetually catatonic reprisedly incompetent with such aplomb?

 

[WoolyMammoth]

Just eaten a load of pringles. Lips still normal size. Any tips? Do I need to smack myself with the tube? Thanks fraus.

 

[Hold my beans]

Nothing for a week. Not a degloved sausage

Hope Cooper is getting the care and attention he needs

 

[WoolyMammoth]

View attachment 3336141
Those 2005 song lyrics are pretty prescient tho. No doubt teen goth/grunge ro-deee-oooo (darn tootin’) Jack took some life lessons from these fine psephologists.

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

Spoiler: 😬 #awks for 36 year old Jack tho

Life hasn't turned out quite the way I wanted to be

I also enjoy an alternative, based on another nickeljack classic, how you remind me....very little cause to alter the lyrics... Except maybe man to woman, and first person to third person references....

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
It's not like you to say "Sorry"
I was waiting on a different story
This time, I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking
And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, "Are we having fun yet?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

Just eaten a load of pringles. Lips still normal size. Any tips? Do I need to smack myself with the tube? Thanks fraus.

A good start, Wooly. You just need to nip out tomorrow and get some lip fillers for the full, desired effect. HTH

 

[allybongo]

Is it pronounced carabiner or carabiner?

 

[Onestorytoomany]

She is probably wonderfully and deliciously tangled up with her new beau honking about how wonderful and amazing her christmas is, now he scooped her up from the mere drunken husk she was... whilst crunching sardine flavoured icecream and slurping lukewarm peach tea, made from tinned peaches and used bath water strained through a carabiner.

 

[WoolyMammoth]

A good start, Wooly. You just need to nip out tomorrow and get some lip fillers for the full, desired effect. HTH

Hi SRE. This isn't what Jack does. She just eats pringles and jumps around planes claiming other people's lids as containers for this weeks shiiiit friiiidge slop. She can't afford fillers. She is poor. Please retract your statement.
---

Is it pronounced carabiner or carabiner?

It's pronounced "hopelessness" (rhymes with mither).

P. S. @MancBee aka captain toothpaste affiliate should know more about the lip area than he's letting on. But seems not to be offering me the help I need.

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

Hi SRE. This isn't what Jack does. She just eats pringles and jumps around planes claiming other people's lids as containers for this weeks shiiiit friiiidge slop. She can't afford fillers. She is poor. Please retract your statement.
---


It's pronounced "hopelessness" (rhymes with mither).

P. S. @MancBee aka captain toothpaste affiliate should know more about the lip area than he's letting on. But seems not to be offering me the help I need.

 

[I'm not actually here]

Just eaten a load of pringles. Lips still normal size. Any tips? Do I need to smack myself with the tube? Thanks fraus.

Shan't.

 

[griftalo]

Is this when your pasta has or hasn't been soaked for hours on hours on end?

I’d suggest a bin.

 

[I'm not actually here]

Hi SRE. This isn't what Jack does. She just eats pringles and jumps around planes claiming other people's lids as containers for this weeks shiiiit friiiidge slop. She can't afford fillers. She is poor. Please retract your statement.
---


It's pronounced "hopelessness" (rhymes with mither).

P. S. @MancBee aka captain toothpaste affiliate should know more about the lip area than he's letting on. But seems not to be offering me the help I need.

Gutted. Meant to buy the toothpaste. Is it too late or should I just send money to some random PayPal account instead and pray? (stuck on bicarb and h202 until a fraud responds).

ETA bib lol

 

[Soup or Noodle]

I've read that and didn't take to him either, so you're not the only one. He comes across as pretty self-centred in lots of it.

I'm a bit drunk and now totally done. What a waste of £1.98 on the two books - I could've bought a roll and a bag of crisps

 

[BeardyBap]

Hi SRE. This isn't what Jack does. She just eats pringles and jumps around planes claiming other people's lids as containers for this weeks shiiiit friiiidge slop. She can't afford fillers. She is poor. Please retract your statement.
---


It's pronounced "hopelessness" (rhymes with mither).

P. S. @MancBee aka captain toothpaste affiliate should know more about the lip area than he's letting on. But seems not to be offering me the help I need.

Dear WoolyStem, I can only imagine that they had to discontinue that one particular flavour of Pringle after the alarming reports of extreme allergic reactions some people had in the Southend area, HTH.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Just eaten a load of pringles. Lips still normal size. Any tips? Do I need to smack myself with the tube? Thanks fraus.

You put the open end of the tube over your lips, suck the air out and got to an aesthetician for 100ml of filler upper and lower. HTH x

 

[hoopdedoo]

Nickelback (Chad Kroeger's band) and guest deserve each other.

From informed sources Mr Kroeger is full of himself and has in the past been absolutely horrid to staff and to his neighbours (he may still be, but he lives elsewhere now). So he and guest have a lot more in common than writing crap song lyrics.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Is it pronounced carabiner or carabiner?

It possibly depends on how drunk you are.

Either is acceptable, but I prefer "carabiner"

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

Pronounced caramither.