Jack Monroe #468 Remove my photo! Warned!

[FunnyFuneral]

Jack describing herself as a reporter and reads seven (SEVEN) newspapers a day. Send pathologistos, for I am

I'm on it babe x

I feel like saying this every time I see a coffin-o but will attempt to desist. My favourite the other day was "send diary-os" which made me laugh as a) you don't want anyone sending you THAT and b) you can source it yourself by means of Jack's "Get up and Go" prune breakfast muck.

Much love to all mithering ninny dear s xx especially those going through hard times xx

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I always imagine Jack to smell like my oldest dog. Aka farts and cow tit.

I always imagine her smelling like a pair of mens jeans that have been worn for many months but never washed, or a damp flannel that's been sat at the bottom of the laundry bin for days.

 

[pumbilical cord]

Just made a lovely chicken Kiev for me tea, sits down to catch up on Tattle…

Pickle says he will eat your Kiev if you don't want it.

Spoiler: pickle

 

[Yer_wha?!]

Just been to my local Asda and had my usual meander along the book aisle... Happy to report someone had already covered up the couple of copies of Grifty Kitchen up with a book by Dr Rupy (? think that was his name) had a little flick through it, some nice, well presented recipes

 

[jenny2603]

I imagine Jack Monroe to smell more like a hamster cage.

Apologies to all good and decent hamsters of the world.

There used to be a couple that came into my work who we named "Hamster Bedding". They were very pungent.

 

[Emmapism]

The three copies or so I saw in my Morrisons the other week are still there. Didn't bother to cover them as nobody is bleeping buying them anyway

 

[MavisBeacon]

Just been to my local Asda and had my usual meander along the book aisle... Happy to report someone had already covered up the couple of copies of Grifty Kitchen up with a book by Dr Rupy (? think that was his name) had a little flick through it, some nice, well presented recipes

Frauen are everywhere!

 

[WhyYouCry?]

Staying well clear until the rodent chat is over

 

[Geetbo]

The three copies or so I saw in my Morrisons the other week are still there. Didn't bother to cover them as nobody is bleeping buying them anyway

Whenever I go in Tesco I check to make sure none have sold. So far I haven’t been disappointed.

 

[WoolyMammoth]

Pickle says he will eat your Kiev if you don't want it.

Spoiler: pickle

View attachment 1910018

Frau+rat, he is a frat

 

[Django]

The three copies or so I saw in my Morrisons the other week are still there. Didn't bother to cover them as nobody is bleeping buying them anyway

Jack has never invaded Southern Europe so I am happy to say that I've never seen a copy of this bleeping pile of cockwank

 

[WoolyMammoth]

Staying well clear until the rodent chat is over

Hope your appointment went OK? Sorry I've been BUSY so haven't managed to spot if someone else has already asked.

 

[whatisityoucan'tface]

Jack, you can't really dismiss Peter Oborne for being a "DM journo" - he's a hugely respected writer and broadcaster. Yes, he did have a weekly column in the DM at the time, but he's better known for his long-running associations with the Telegraph and Channel 4. His views aren't exactly "stereotypical DM", either - they're eclectic, well thought-through, and often surprising.

Ugh. She acts like he's an unwanted guest at her event - but in reality, he has twice as many talks listed on the Greenbelt website as she does, and seems to have been doing stuff for them since 2010. And I found what looks like the initial lineup announcement for Greenbelt 2017 - again, Oborne is mentioned but Jack isn't.

More evidence of Jack thinking that the world revolves around her.

He extensively researched Middle East conflicts* and was very much against the neocon/pro-war right wing. Jack and her simplistic thinking again.

*Including the 2003 invasion of Iraq - around the time Jack was getting expelled for being a rebel/not being expelled but being a geeky bookworm (delete as appropriate)

 

[Django]

I always imagine her smelling like a pair of mens jeans that have been worn for many months but never washed, or a damp flannel that's been sat at the bottom of the laundry bin for days.

Jack smells like her laundry that is only washed at 30 degrees with half the recommended dose of laundry powder.....
.....HONKING

 

[kachoochoo]

i imagine she smells of not-quite dry laundry that's been left too long and a particularly obnoxious vape juice flavour

and she's definitely one of those who has to do the massive vape clouds that hit you in the face from 10 metres away

 

[noweverythingsucks]

There used to be a couple that came into my work who we named "Hamster Bedding". They were very pungent.

It took me way too long to realise that you weren't saying one of your colleagues brings their hamsters to work.

 

[WhyYouCry?]

Hope your appointment went OK? Sorry I've been BUSY so haven't managed to spot if someone else has already asked.

Spoiler: Appointment

Thank you for checking up, it went as I expected really. Very reassuring that it’s unlikely to be anything sinister but referred on for further investigation due to the nature of the problem

 

[Esiren]

Oh, Vlad!

 

[Country Bumpkin]

Who tf has feta that goes gooey.

It's probably gone off if it's gooey

 

[Hunsgraveyard]

Bloody hell, running at almost a thread a day! Jack still flounced off but quietly, softly, gently blocking people according to what they're posting. Did we work out the record time off twitter yet?

Meanwhile I've been BUSY doing things Jack has never done: working and looking after the kids. Any clues what she's been up to besides comedown and counting sideboards?