Jack Monroe #460 Foghorn Beghorn

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I know it's all bollocks but bear with me...

Why does she need to practise sleeping on a settee? What will happen if she just goes in cold? Will she fall off? Slip down the cushions, smol pixie style? Accidentally sleep on the mantle piece?

I had a snooze on my settee earlier, it was easy! Is this a talent I can monetise?
Maybe you could get people to pay to attend training courses on how to snooze on your settee 🤣

I was in a bookshop today and there it was - Grifty Kitchen - I actually looked at the hack about the tin opener substitute, just for the hell of it, then replaced it on the lowest shelf, which was where I had found it. 😁
 
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why’s she had 2 inspections in 7 months? I’ve either never had them or had them annually, do they not trust her to look after it? 😂 (all this landlady/crappy bungalow praise is making me lose my mind)
 
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Tea bag?

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Lads - since we are early in the thread I am finally in real-time (and we appear to be inter-chaoi) I thought I'd just give new frauen and herren a quick update on the wiki - we always say to read it at the beginning of each thread but actually it's now quite large, and it has grown organically, so it's not in the best possible order...

Anyway - here are some tips if you want some light bedtime reading:

- Start on wiki 1 - Jack for Dummies (first section) + read thread 31
- Wiki 2 has two really great sections to remind you of events from the beginning of the poverty - 'notable blogs' and 'notable events / chaoi' since 2012 - eminently penned by @witchofwestbyfleet

2022 was the first year that we properly documented the chaoi in real-time (although obvs we have receipts from previous years) - it starts on wiki 1 and got too long, so concludes on wiki 2. It's well worth a read as it's now in chronological order for the whole year.

It turns out there was a major chaos EVERY SINGLE MONTH of 2022! We started to log the thread titles along with the updates half way through the year, so it's easy to find the tea on a specific thread, if you want to read back in full.

There is lots more, but if you're new - these are good places to start :). HTH...

For info:
- Wiki 3 contains only frau fiction - some excellent works in this section :).
- Wiki 4 has all the chaos and receipts to date of 2023.
- I should also shout to the Slopalong - which also has its own page, and features Honorary Frau Andy...

Also paging @That Forensic Man - tenderstem if you could poss update the new stock take in the wiki, that would be marvellous - I saw it has increased to c.£160k recently! If it's too long to fit on Wiki 2 dear heart - feel free to move it to Wiki 4...
Done dear heart
New total £156,593 💰
 
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Pigeon on Masked Singer is Catherine Tate. She's only pretending to be that nasal.
 
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Frauen....coming from the past here as I've come back to about 30 pages to read so i'm going to assume some mini-chaos, or Jack has been being Jack. I'm partly behind because I decided to grunk thread #31.....well what a ride that was. so many people expressing concern and care for Jack but she couldn't help being the insufferable twit we all know.

Anyway I've had a really crappy day but i wanted to say thank you to the whole canal for helping cheer me up a bit just by being you...never change tenderstems xx
 
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That’s not how it works you absolute lying bleep. I know people with PDA and it absolutely does not matter how you ask!!! Another ailment added to the lying list.
PDA is also not just a quirk that 'many' autistic people have. duck off Jack you lying cxxx.
 
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An idle wonder, before I hit the hay: at what point do two nostrils become one? When does the septum collapse?
 
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I don't think they'd take the chance. I mean, look how much hot water she's got into with a cookbook - having to amend and/or withdraw, no sales, an absolute shitshow. A memoir would be far too big a risk, because it would involve other people in Jack's tall tales, the legal trouble they could be exposed to doesn't bear thinking about.
100% this...its all potential downside for them with almost no upside
 
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I know it's all bollocks but bear with me...

Why does she need to practise sleeping on a settee? What will happen if she just goes in cold? Will she fall off? Slip down the cushions, smol pixie style? Accidentally sleep on the mantle piece?

I had a snooze on my settee earlier, it was easy! Is this a talent I can monetise?
We need to compile a list of the BEST QUESTIONS EVER and these questions need to be on it.
 
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An idle wonder, before I hit the hay: at what point do two nostrils become one? When does the septum collapse?
Oh, now I have the Spice Girls singing “When Two (nostrils) Become One”rattling around in my head!

I don’t know the answer to your question, dearest heart.
 
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Jack: I signed a contract and I honoured that contract.

Also Jack: late or MIA for interviews, public appearances, etc.; had to get several deadline extensions for Grifty Kitchen; still (allegedly) working on the VBI which was promised a loooong time ago......
 
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