Exactly, the whole 'autistic people cannot lie' thing is just a lazy stereotype.
Jack Monroe #425 Looking gormless in an egg chair
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Jack Monroe Threads Wiki
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Hello ninnies - firstly massive apologies for the delay with this, my IRL job is wild atm. Not sharing the full long essay this time around as new fraus will get it now, but please see below for update AND fun insights bits making use of our new search results page data? Please let me know if you have any questions/recommendations for this. Thank you x
The money:
She opened the month of November 2022 on 659 subscribers, down 5.9% from prior month. This is the second highest month of churn since records began - long may it continue / let's hope it hits double digits!
Acquisition also down massively - she only gained 13 subscribers in the prior month, which is the lowest since Nigella promoted her.
Assuming an average per subscriber revenue of £3.50 less highest possible platform fees of 12%, this would assume a bare minimum £2.0k passive income for Jack. Please remember her very recent communications on Patreon re: 2 years of outstanding Patreon physical rewards due out and that it is absolutely impossible that all of her subscribers are paying the minimum £1 or £3.50 figures she's cited in the past as reason to not update her paying subscribers. Nudging this up to an assumed £5 average ps gives her £2.9k of passive revenue, up to £10 ps £5.8k... Please remember that we have no choice but to present 3 hypothetical revenue scenarios as, despite platform best practice, Jack chooses to hide how much money she makes via Patreon.
On the search page vs front page data:
For clarification, we now have scripts capturing both the front page data every 10 minutes + now the search results page data every hour, this work is comparing the two rolled up to a daily summary. Funnily today is the 1 month anniversary of us having this search results data automatically captured so HBD to it, anyway pls see graph and minor points of interest:
Remember previously we'd just have one drop figure and immediate guesstimates on revenue, whereas now Patreon have changed it for god knows what reason and drops occur over a 24 hour period? Looking at the past 5 months where this has occurred, that initial 7am subscriber count drop accounts for 70% of the total drop. So say at 7am she's lost 70 subs, we would predict that by 7am on the 2nd that'd show a total of 100 lost. This figure has ranged significantly from 39% - 81% over the past 5 months, but it's sitting within a 10% range for the past 3 so feel okay with sharing that now. As always, this could change lol. Patreon appear to be going thru it atm good luck to u lot huns x
She opened the month of November 2022 on 659 subscribers, down 5.9% from prior month. This is the second highest month of churn since records began - long may it continue / let's hope it hits double digits!
Acquisition also down massively - she only gained 13 subscribers in the prior month, which is the lowest since Nigella promoted her. Assuming an average per subscriber revenue of £3.50 less highest possible platform fees of 12%, this would assume a bare minimum £2.0k passive income for Jack. Please remember her very recent communications on Patreon re: 2 years of outstanding Patreon physical rewards due out and that it is absolutely impossible that all of her subscribers are paying the minimum £1 or £3.50 figures she's cited in the past as reason to not update her paying subscribers. Nudging this up to an assumed £5 average ps gives her £2.9k of passive revenue, up to £10 ps £5.8k... Please remember that we have no choice but to present 3 hypothetical revenue scenarios as, despite platform best practice, Jack chooses to hide how much money she makes via Patreon.
On the search page vs front page data:
For clarification, we now have scripts capturing both the front page data every 10 minutes + now the search results page data every hour, this work is comparing the two rolled up to a daily summary. Funnily today is the 1 month anniversary of us having this search results data automatically captured so HBD to it, anyway pls see graph and minor points of interest:
- Search results continually tracks lower than the front page results, even when a payday has occurred. I have no evidence for this but I feel like these could be cancelled annuals who'll churn once their year is up - as they could hypothetically still access benefits if they were provided hence being included in the front page number?
- In the days leading up to Patreon's payday we see this difference grow. From the 27th onwards we see the variance between numbers grow from 43 to 80.
- Prior to payday the difference was tracking at the low 40s, after payday mid 40s, so again I believe (with no evidence) that these would be more cancelled annuals. I'd suspect a lot of these were the Nigella acquired cohort so leading up to Jan I'd expect to see this ~40s number continually increase until they eventually churn when their annual has expired so the number would fall closer to 0.
Remember previously we'd just have one drop figure and immediate guesstimates on revenue, whereas now Patreon have changed it for god knows what reason and drops occur over a 24 hour period? Looking at the past 5 months where this has occurred, that initial 7am subscriber count drop accounts for 70% of the total drop. So say at 7am she's lost 70 subs, we would predict that by 7am on the 2nd that'd show a total of 100 lost. This figure has ranged significantly from 39% - 81% over the past 5 months, but it's sitting within a 10% range for the past 3 so feel okay with sharing that now. As always, this could change lol. Patreon appear to be going thru it atm good luck to u lot huns x
I’m not sure why he isn’t asking the local authority for help making adjustments?
I know, right? Imagine in a time of massive budget cuts & officer attrition, and someone tried to pitch the idea:No Celebrity Squad? I don't know about anyone else but I am shocked at this.
"Commander, I'm seeing lots of scammers on social media complaining they are being trolled and abused for stealing money. Can I have some budget for a team, some computers, a few desks and also an office so we can use up valuable resources pandering to these conmen and conwomen?"
"Get the duck out of here. Never mention this bullshit again unless you want a yellow notice"
I previously tried to reimagine this scenario:
Jack Monroe #345 I've had to mute that Bootstrap fella
Clearly she didn't keep any wealthy friends from the Allegra/LJC days .... I wonder why ...
tattle.life
I never seen the £20 account, but it wasn’t that harpy who was fundraising for her kids school uniforms was it? She had previous for iPads, prescriptions and all sorts.
This might be my aneurysm. So before the big grift it was her friends she was leeching money from. She’s a bleeping joke. Get a job Jack and stop relying on everyone else to fund your idol lifestyle.Just remembered that ten years ago (October 2012) she moved in a Yaris with some carrier bags. My, what a lot of tit she’s accumulated since then.
View attachment 1710772
Back in those innocent days when she quit jobs and expected her friends to stump up deposits and move her in their cars while she set up her “little craft business” as opposed to now where she feels entitled to have strangers fund her to do duck all.
View attachment 1710774
You can see why the poor mite wanted to move though, given that even though she could afford the £725 rent at her old place in the Royal Mews, it had…no parking and NO GARDEN!
View attachment 1710775
(Glad she never publicly posted exactly where she lived or anything. You know, given that she had such a terrifying former teacher stalker at the time)
He did, Hotes. It’s part of his shared ownership agreement that he makes the changes himself. He acknowledged this in his tweets but still asks for money because it isn’t right. Apparently.
No, I think her previous fundraiser was for course fees/educational costs. It's not an account I'd encountered before.
You are so right. Why in the name of God would she expect anything more than a 2 bed? She was 24 ffs. At 24 it never would have occurred to me to feel entitled to anything beyond my 1 bedroom in a shared flat and I actually worked. Granted Jack had a child but 2 bedrooms was / is ample for them. The fact that she was hoping for something bigger at that age without having done anything to earn it is very telling. Also, given that (big) home ownership has been her dream for so long, you’d think she would have gotten a job and not pissed all of her grifted cash up against a wall. She 100% believes that was her personal pocket money and that the Twitter community owes her a house as well.
JFC.
Not to take it off topic (sorry Mods) but after a dog around that person definitely has form.
ETA Jack’s earlier tweet has had barely any interaction. Which to be fair feels quite rewarding.
Last edited:
What she also fails to mention is that in the midst of her (£725 a month two bedroom) living on a tenner a week terrible pov, she was apparently feeding herself, her son and her two cats for a tenner a week.
They must be those special Google cats (see also Coopsy) which is why their food isn’t included in the weekly shopping budget. They don’t need to eat food cos they don’t have bumholes to poop it out of. Like all the people in her life, they just exist to please and serve her.
I think Laurie must also be a (Labra)Google dog, as she apparently doesn’t need food as part of the weekly £20 shopping budget either.
Last edited:
But but even if you fully own your own home, the local authority will make necessary adaptations!
Started writing an angry rant about what a gigantic head she is for considering it a “relief” not to have to apply for social housing, but she’s not worth my anger. She wound me up enough last week with her ‘working-class single mums are underrepresented in publishing’ nonsense. And you’ve already said all the important bits here anyway dear @MancBee
She’s worth me saying she’s a revolting stuck-up little wannabe though.
Oh and Southend Foodbank is beginning to distribute the three tonnes of food they received in donations through their harvest appeal, which is quite a big deal, but you wouldn’t know that if you followed Jack Monroe, Southend’s Number One Poverty Princess. She’s a charlatan on all levels.
Editing to clarify, for any lurkers or occasional posters who missed all this last week, that it’s not nonsense that working-class voices are underrepresented in publishing, it’s just that middle-class people like Jack are a big part of the reason for that. Just realised my post made it look like I thought it’s nonsense, it’s not, but Jack is nonsense.
Last edited:
Funnily I think it was her incessant whinging about her housing situation that first turned me against her back in the day
She must have mentioned the £725 back then because I remember thinking ?? but most of us are paying that and some for a room in a flat share PLUS commuting costs whilst you’ve got the entire flat to yourself and wfh? She used to whinge about wfh a lot too iirc when back in the early 2010s it was v rare, especially for people in their early career. She’s always had it made and never once shown gratitude FFS how many times?!
*Taps Sign* (also, *checks notes*)
It’s the SATIRICAL COMIC TWIST that she writes with, ok?! Do people want her to STOP BREATHING or something?
The average local rent for a 2 bed at that time was more like £625-£650 as well, as the LHA rate was something like £625. I moved in to a 2 bed flatshare a bit before her poverty fairytale and the rent was £600 on the whole flat, landlord didn’t give a crap about the place so it had dated kitchen and bathroom but plain decor so wasn’t awful, the managing agent was ok, and the flat was in a decent road. So she could have moved somewhere plenty cheaper and still had two bedrooms in a decent area. Instead she chose to leverage the fact she could no longer afford her high-end-of-the-local-market rent into an entire career carefully, softly, gently based on lie upon lie upon lie.Funnily I think it was her incessant whinging about her housing situation that first turned me against her back in the day
To be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if Content is a proper spite dog. She was still with Old Not-Harold when she went to look at the litter. I wonder if it was Harold who was interested in a Labradoodle, not Jack and that upon being dumped, Jack then IMMEDIATELY (even before she was looking for cock on Tinder, right?) got Content in hopes of getting him back/spiting him if not. See also: getting kitten after LJC LEFT, naming kitten after LJC’s beloved dead dog.
I think the above scenario is unlikely, (but only because it’s not plausible you’d get a last-minute dog from a decent breeder). I absolutely would not put such a thing past Jack in any way, shape or form. Getting that dog was 100% tied to Harold seeing sense and buggering off into the sunset faster than roadrunner at the end of a Loony Tunes cartoon.
Quoting self but I was on a mini-grunk earlier when I wrote that, and I’ve just clocked from Vali’s earlier post with the screen grabs (linked below) that far from saying she couldn’t afford her rent, Jack says she actually COULD afford the £725 per month, which blows my mind because none of us actual working poors in my social circle could have done that at the time. Even a whole decade on, and a decade in which both purchase and rental prices have massively increased in the town, the LHA rates are still ‘only’ £790 per month, which does indicate how toppy her rent was at the time.
Jack Monroe #425 Looking gormless in an egg chair
Ey up! Someone’s been grunking the canal! Why didn’t she just use some of her big John Lewis boxes, loose drawers and big plastic storage cases for packing purposes? :unsure:
tattle.life
No, different harpy.
Ah but then the local authority will sort a proper OT assessment and get you the appropriate adaptions that you need, asking for money on Twitter means lots of cashos to spend on what you want.
- Status