Jack Monroe #350 Can you crochet a web of lies?

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Life is so much harder for Jack than other people.

*Scene, Jack enters her local shop*

Jack: Good Morning, has my copy of Grifter Weekly arrived yet?
Shop Man: DIE WHORE!

*Scene, Jack enters the Post Office*

Jack: Hi, I'd like to send a parcel to Nottingham
Post Office Man: I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS. DIEEEEEEEEE!
Christ. I've become hysterical 😂. We work with someone whose life is like this. Everywhere she goes people are apparently shouting at her, every work situation is so difficult and ends with her arguing (it doesn't). We sit in team meetings all quietly thinking 'WTF, who are these people?' trying not to make eye contact with each other because we'll start laughing.
 
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Well there’s her, the sideboards and her massive ego. FFS.

Go well. X
I think someone once collected a list of all the Jack personalities, based on whatever she was pretending to be an expert in that day? Polish Jack, Army Jack, Fire Jack. All 34 of them exodusing would be pretty funny, they'd all whinge about being shoved aside on their way to the door
 
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I can’t get past the boiling down soap lie. I just can’t. The first, and most important, question is why? Use soap as soap, easy. My second question is - wouldn’t it just set again back to it’s hard soap state? So pouring it into a bottle would you not end up with a bottle of hard and unusable soap? Or does the water (how much?) prevent this? What bottle is she pouring it into? A glass one would be impractical at best, a plastic one would melt surely, unless she’s leaving the gloopy soap mix to set in the pan and then somehow pouring the set mixture into a plastic bottle. Why? It’s absolutely nonsensical. I am on the verge of trying this out myself to answer my own questions, but OH says I can’t ruin one of the pans and is it a step too far to buy a pan just to make JMs homemade soap made from soap? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
I just googled it and IT’S A THING!
9DAA1109-90DA-4864-B3BB-586EA3BB84C3.png

Hilariously, the comments underneath reveal that it’s NOT A VERY GOOD THING!
“It’s reset....just add more water”.
“It’s too watery....just add another bar of soap”
“It’s not melting...get out your blender”
“It’s gone mouldy...just add preservative”
“It’s not lathering up....fuck it and go to Asda”

OK - I lied about the last one but, I’ll not be spending money on soap, a soap pan, a blender, coconut milk (or oil), preservative, electricity, bottles....🙈
 
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Christ on a bike, I can’t cope. It’s like the holy trinity of shitshows all decided to chaos in the same week, Jackanory, The artiste formally known as Jordan and Alice Evans. I don’t even read the news anymore. I don’t have time. My husband is wondering whether I am going to leave him for tattle as it’s getting very serious 😂😂😂 what a week to be alive.
Can you do a brief synopsis? I don’t have the stamina to visit those threads. I’M EXHAUSTED.
 
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You can’t dissolve an insolvent company - so if it owes a bounce back loan, that will stop it. You could have a creditors liquidation but the the creditors have a lot of control. I know some stupid people who think they can just not pay it back, not realising that the written off loans in the news relate to the ones given to professional scam artists from abroad, the uk resident companies and their directors will remain on the hook.
so I don’t think she got one of those loans if she managed to dissolve the company and settle with HMRC.
I'd dearly love to know when Hands left her employ and if she actually received any furlough money.
 
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I predict a 3 to 7 day leave-of-twitter.
Lots of mentions from squigs.
When she comes back there will either be no mention whatsoever of what's gone on and just a pic of Coops will land, or there will be hints that she's been on a Ward, she doesn't want to talk about it right now, she'll tell everyone when she's ready.
She'll be ready about 3 days after when someone brings everything up again and she needs to cry about her fragility.
Tweet. Sleep. Repeat
 
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Yeah, was just reading this piece from American writer Lauren Hough (who I like) about another internet liar/grifter (Ana Mardoll) who just dissapeared from Twitter. Next to addressing the grifter and describing the dynamics also talks about what it meant for her to be called anti-trans by this grifter and his flying monkeys when there was no such evidence. Anyway, it reminded me a lot of Jack Monroe.

That's spooky. I've just read that and yes, there are a lot of parallels with Jack. Well worth a read for anyone who hasn't read it.
 
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I'm sorry, Jack dropped the N-word? Claiming she was getting called the N-word over quote unquote 'moonshine mash'? She was off the chain even then!
Also, her son is 12 now, she wrote this 5 years ago and said her sons mobile number was saved in the new phone. Did 7yr olds have mobile phones 5 years ago? I have an 8yr old nephew who would not be arsed with one.
 
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Can you do a brief synopsis? I don’t have the stamina to visit those threads. I’M EXHAUSTED.
Katie and Cole are still weapon grade cunts 😂
There is a 3 year DV TR now against malice, she didn’t show as predicted and the evidence presented was even worse than anticipated. It includes all social media so no more drunken diatribes or ….
 
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