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GrunkaLunka

VIP Member
I love wanky poetry, it's hilarious. I'm actually considering retraining as an English teacher after Covid-19 has fucked off and cannot wait to have lots of this bollocks to mark 😂

She left.



She took

a cat, maybe two

I needed to see fucking Redcar

Nevermind

The butterfly was unexpected



Jealousy in a red lip

A rabbit quietly nibbling

carrots (50p/1kg, Sainsburys)

Kicking shins of men



We search the sideboards

hoping to find

Evidence

rinsed beans to vanquish the

ephemera



All Guinea pigs will be

removed

Eventually



This baggy CK bra

hangs on the hook

Empty promises



A school meal parcel containing

Neatly stacked mayo

It is what Vivienne wanted

May she rest in peace

Alas while hounded

Loneliness

Struck. Again.


 
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FridayFunDay

Well-known member
Coronavirus hit.
I begged. I begged.

That man got my job.
I was cheated
I kicked and stamped
I made a fuss

I got offered a show
I hooted. I hooted.

I could not go.
I coughed. I coughed.

But I made it as I am
A warrior, a hero.
I will not let my people down.

I made a fuss
She left. She left
Me with a shed

I have a mission
I'M BUSY I'M BUSY

Help feed the children they cried
I'M ON IT
I replied

But I'm not
I'm on the sideboard
Hoping for the sidebar
Of
Shame

I'll cut his hair from 2m away, dont tell me the rules
I didn't ask for your help or advice you fools

Blue tick
Be kind
Thank you for your time

I begged.
 
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LennyBriscoe

VIP Member
There once was a man called Jude

Who was actually quite rude

He stood at the bar

Blocking FUCKING REDCAR

It put me right off my food
 
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blurstoftimes

VIP Member
Did anyone else watch Girl, Interrupted as a young teenager and think that Angelina Jolie’s character was soooo cool in that ‘sexy but damaged and crazy’ way? Then you grow up and realise how ridiculous that whole trope is? I feel like Jack never grew out of that phase and thinks she has tjat whole crazy sexy thing going on, even though in reality she is more similar to Alan Partridge when he had a breakdown and ate 100 toblerones and drove barefoot to Dundee.
 
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colouredlines

VIP Member
Some people might
say that
randomly inserting carriage
returns between words does
not turn
your ranty facebook
status into
poetry. But a
friend
who I met at the Groucho and who was inconsiderately
blocking Redcar
from my view gave
me a first
edition copy of Shakespeare's First Folio
to say thank
you for the good work
I do so I know more about
poetry than you
 
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FrumpyCat

VIP Member
I used to have a guinea pig
It was very nice

I fed it lots of lovely food
Like rinsed beans and rice

To demonstrate democracy
I took it out to vote with me

I even took it to the pub
So it could meet my social hub

Once I gave it wine to drink
I should have poured it down the sink

Now my guinea's very dead
I think I'll get a cat instead.
 
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Silver Linings

VIP Member
Well.

She’d fucking eat herself if she was chocolate, wouldn’t she? As has been pointed out, more deliberate poses even though we saw her (all 135 of us) in motion 2 hours ago.

Picture the scene. You’re alone, in your studio, the job you’ve publicly buggered up through your own lack of preparation is finally over. You breathe a sigh of relief. The money is in the bank. Maybe, just maybe, you take it on the chin and try and come back stronger, prove those nasty tattle bitches wrong.

You contemplate this for a minute.

You nod, decision made. You clamber down of the sideboard, set your tripod up, take your shirt off and debase yourself for a few more minutes, contorting yourself into poses.

You ponder again what the everloving fuck you are doing.

You upload the photos to instagram, you write the text. Your finger hovers over the post button.

You smile (tentatively, ouchy mouth)

You post.
 
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Pocahontas

VIP Member
Moderator
Jack’s Rap

Y’all up in my niche
It’s completely distractin’
I’m meant to be BUSY
But instead I’m reactin’
To your lies, your hypocrisy, your jibin’ and your bitchin’
When all I’m tryna do is work 60 hours in the kitchen
A day
Being me is more than you could take
At least I’m bein’ honest
At least I’m not fake
My lips are too painful to respond to your lyin’
But I’ll slather them in lipstick and pretend I’m just fine

(then, in the style of Peace Out):
Dear heart.

<mic drop>

I’m SO sorry. It’s a quiet work day 😬
 
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SoulRebel

VIP Member

She still doesn't get it and the fucking Hellman's sign is back to front. On a more positive note, Unilever are now changing the name of Fair and Lovely skin whitening cream 🤢 and I now follow the gorgeous Alexis Adjei on IG. She was the first one who reached out to Jack about Hellman's when BLM on IG became a thing and what did Melissa do nothing but said I have messaged you.
PS - New baby grandson is now breathing without support and starting to breastfeed. Still a teeny chap but no longer having to sleep with a disco mask on due to baby jaundice. My daughter has said that she is never doing a pooh again.
 
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HarderFaster

VIP Member
Jack on her way back to Tattle now the unbearable lies about her cat ownership have started again:



ETA also please stop goading Jack directly on Twitter after the recent drama? Don't make me give you a hard stare.
 
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Ellabella

VIP Member
I actually woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat. I realised I said I don't like cats (I don't) but that my avatar is a cat and I thought "shit, what if they think I'm as bad as Jack, a complete liar?" 🤣🤣
 
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Marj24

VIP Member
Firstly I don't in a what a decent vet has to say about the deformed kitten so this is just conjecture (M'lord). But if the kitten is paid free and happy within its limmitations, the kindest thing to do is nothing.

If the kitten is in need of many surgeries (which will be paidful) to correct it's deformities you need to ask is that kind.?

Ten years ago I took a beloved 18 year old cat to the vet. She had a growth on her chin. The vet told me it was cancer. He gave me two options, the first he did not recommend, that was to remove the cancer. That would involve removing her entire chin and leave her needing to be fed by syringe. The other was to do nothing while she as she was happy and eating well, she didn't know she had an unsightly lump!

We followed the second course, she had a happy few extra months. We knew when the time had come, she struggled to eat and failed to groom. The kindess thing was to say goodbye.

If you love an animal, don't put it through unnecessary pain, also don't introduce a pet into a home with a small child, who is likely to become attached if it is possible you may need to go along a grim reality to be kind. But then I'm not a narc.
 
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peperomia

Well-known member
Thanks for letting me know.
I'm sorry if I offended you - I know nothing about ADHD, and now I know this.
You didn't say anything offensive, no need to apologise! Most of the criticism here is totally fair and constructive. It is a completely relevant point to make during a broadcast interview that you don't interrupt your guests and it stifles the conversation flow.

Yeah it is a factor of the disorder but it's rude to not even apologise and try to minimise/work on it. For me it's a manifestation of how quickly my thoughts move/impaired processing/stress/excitement at sharing knowledge.

That's one of the reasons I decided to stop lurking tbh as I can provide appropriate context and she's doing neurodiverse and chronically ill/disabled people an unbelievable disservice with her behaviour and it gets on my fucking (pancake burned) tits so much.
 
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panda_eyes

VIP Member
She definitely has/had rabbits as I always prick up my ears when I hear about rabbits (truly the best pets, although I'm a very biased mad rabbit lady).

1593505035372.png


Above image from google as tweet deleted, obvs.

Then I found this:

1593505088210.png

Recipe here

 
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Flumps

VIP Member
Reminds me of the 'Cool Girl' trope from Gone Girl. A woman who pretends to enjoy burgers, craft beer etc all while effortless maintaining a perfect size 8. Some people do have fast metabolisms but it generally ain't possible!

The body posi movement has generally been coopted by 'acceptable' bodies just like hers and it's very frustrating.
I have some issues with the body posi movement of late, not that I think we should be fat-shaming anyone, and I am fat, and have struggled with weight all my life. So dull to love food and also have a metabolism that would be extremely helpful if I lived in a cave 10000 years ago, less so when I live in a time when I can buy 5 delicious doughnuts for less than a £1, but I figure it gives me a right to an opinion here, and I have issues with the extreme ends of the movement.

Anyway, that's not my point, photos like JM's upthread are depressing, because I would (at times) have given almost anything to look like that, and the ultimate message I get, when my head is in a bad place, is if that body is potentially challenging to some people, then I must make people feel sick when they look at me. And I've got my head much more screwed on about how I look now than I ever have before, so there must be those out there who feel even worse.

It really is just another one of those times where JM could do with sitting down and shutting up and listening to other people. She has no idea on this.
 
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So I've been lurking a few days (since around thread 31).

I came to Tattle for another influencer but took a look at who else people seemed to be talking about. When I saw the Jack Monroe thread I thought 'Isn't she the food bank cook? How on earth can she have 30+ threads worth of drama?!'

I took a look at thread number 1 and saw the Jamie Oliver debacle and I've been lurking the last few threads. Jack is like social media over-sharer No.1. She has no filter or separation between work/professional Jack and personal Jack. If I were Hellman's I'd be horrified that she's announcing to everyone that she's doing the branded content 'off her tits on pills'.

I also watched a bit of the mayo-cake re-upload. She spends ages on the intro going woe-is-me, I'm so doomed. All she needed to say was 'We filmed this yesterday but we've had technical difficulties so we are filming this again. Sorry for the delay in getting it up but we hope you enjoy the show.'

I feel sorry for the kid. She has so much going on with herself, how is there room for her kid's problems? And the way she represents her mental health and that she's so poorly, she could actually easily give the impression she's not able to properly look after him.

The sad thing is, as others have remarked here, She does have serious mental health problems (probably Bipolar or Narcissist disorders)- she just doesn't seem to realise it.
 
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