Jack Monroe #349 Shameless

[jenny2603]

Oh God!

 

[Alansbigplate]

Due to circumstances beyond my control I have already pissed my July salary up the wall on takeaways and expensive skincare. I am deeply ashamed to be back in the same position as I was last month. I have considered not doing this each month, however on gazing around at all the tat I’ve accumulated, I truly can’t be arsed to sell any of it. If you appreciate my writing on this forum which I do for FREE by the way of my own volition and choosing in my spare time akin to a hobby then you really should cough up so I can get to the end of this month when I shall once again be thrusting my GoHenry card roughly out of the car window at a drive-thru like a working class Kylie Jenner. Get paypalling dickwads xxx

 

[itsmeindisguise]

As another long Sunday drew to an end, with a tummy full of veg peel stuffing and dried prune pumble SB called softly, gently through the drafty halls “Mama surely it is time for a bath, I always know as the solar garden lights have taken on a dim glow signalling the end of the day is near” Weary from working non stop for 84 hours Mama lifted the tin bath down from the sideboard and whispers in a drawn voice “I’ll start boiling the kettle now, perhaps we will try using only two this eve to save the energy if that would be ok with you? Don’t forget you can have a shower at Papa’s tomorrow?” Grabbing the last of the homemade shower bar mama pleaded “go easy child, mama is far too busy to melt more soap but perhaps as a special treat you can use some washing up liquid to wash your hair?” The joy lit up his face as SB exclaimed “Mama don’t be silly I can use one of the complimentary shampoos you brought back from your recent travels, and then perhaps before supper we can use the free sewing kit to embroider some of your denim? It would be marvellous to brighten it up since you dyed it all black” Mama chuckled heartily and thanked her lucky stars that she had received the greatest grift, sorry gift, that would just keep on giving.

Please note although I write these stories for free I don’t see why I should have to so please send me poems or Tiffany earrings as thanks.

 

[Mrs Bookay]

I only occasionally post here but lurk quite a bit. My lovely Dad died last month after a long illness and grunking through these threads at night reading the cabal’s fab posts and seeing the support you give each other has been a good temporary switch off from planning Dad’s funeral, sorting out all the legal stuff etc.

But Jack has completely pushed me to my limit now. Even before last night’s blog, claiming she is only still alive after Harold left due to the dog was just too much.

Hey Jack, while I’m sure you are really sad things didn’t work out with Harold, please can you get some fucking perspective. My Mum is now a widow after nearly 50 years being married to my Dad. She is utterly bereft at his death, we all are. To lose your life partner after nearly a century together is completely and utterly traumatising. To witness my Mum processing Dad’s death is traumatising. So please absolutely fuck off with the sad fishing you stupid cow.

And as for last night’s utterly crass completely shameless grifting blog post, to which people with FAR less than you are responding to with financial support, get in the fucking sea you self-pitying lying ghoul.

 

[NurseGladysEmmanuel]

Hi all, 1st time poster. Had my doubts for a while but last night's performance confirmed it for me. What an absolute Twat. Unfortunately my twitter is mainly professional (see username!) and can't risk my job being used against me by daring to call her out! Hopefully last night's pity party will result in her being seen for what she really is!

 

[Veronicaaa]

 

[meizee]

For seven pages time

 

[Sideboard Bob]

View attachment 1464025

Orange squig has replied with this…

Spoiler: Full screenshots from tweet

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Coming soon - Jack Monroe sues herself for libel.

Could either be a thread title or one add to your coming soons list @kachoochoo

 

[meizee]

In “don’t f@£k with cats” it was Reddit armchair detectives. In “Bootstrap Crook” the docu series it will be tattle

 

[domeafavour]

Yeah Nigella, this is a great idea as you love Jack so much.

 

[Geetbo]

Have we not had enough of lying bastards in the current thread already without you having to bring up that mendacious cunt?

NOTE TO NEW FRAUS
We mostly do not really think national treasure David Attenborough is a fibbing shit. Please see the walrus thread for further details, although you might want to save that for a 4am fugue state grunk. However, some of us do believe that Cooper is overweight and we are generally undecided whether Owen Jones has or has not murdered one or more people. Personally, I get big Dahmer vibes from him but the thing is, we all respect our differences here .

I know someone who has shagged Owen Jones. Very slender of penis apparently.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

A rather nice, concise review of events from the Mumsnet thread. You feel that you're not going insane when you see that others see it too.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Sorry to be a negative Nancy but please can we not give this ridiculous £1 Patreon subscription thing any airtime. She’s a lying bitch, it’s improbable, we’ve only ever seen people discuss the £7 and £14 tiers in person - never ever have we seen anything about £1. It’s ridiculous. The assumption 100% of them are on the £3.50 tier and use of the highest possible platform fee of 12% is already grossly underestimating her revenue - let’s not give her any more wiggle room on the truth.

Dave Hadjicostas you might wanna do an equity release to nip Jack Monroe off to the priory again for another PR fix up like the one Allegra sorted. Good luck sweetie x

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Looks like we finally know how much Laurie cost!

5* Health Tested Goldendoodles - £2,500

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www.freeads.co.uk

 

[jenny2603]

Oh dear, how can this best be explained. It's so very difficult to get someone so very, very thick to understand anything but I'll have a go.

It is true that content creators often use tips/kofi/similar models for their income. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this at all. I have a few subscriptions for people I want to support, however what unites them is that they are actually producing content and using a wide range of skills to do so. They are often editing YouTube videos and podcasts, producing writing, networking, undertaking research, engaging with their audience and promoting their content. This is hard work and they deserve to be well paid for it.

The difference is that you produce nothing of value and expect to be funded for a bizarre tantrum that has lasted well over ten years. Despite scamming money to do so, your blog is still in 2018 with a few pathetic rants tacked on when you can be bothered. Successful content creators are putting stuff out at least a few times a week, if not daily in some cases and you can tell from the quality of the content they treat it as a full time job. In contrast, you lie about 100 hour work weeks and produce nothing of value. If I wanted to pay someone to moan I'd give Cathy over the road a tenner, at least she could do with the money.

Jack, I'd like to be living in a Victorian sandstone villa in a leafy suburb, wafting about doing some light gardening, reading, buying antique furniture and wandering about galleries. I cannot afford to live like that so I work full time and cut my cloth accordingly. Life can be a little disappointing like that. Sorry your income doesn't match your sense of entitlement but expecting other people to hurl money at you so that you can live beyond your means is appalling behaviour. You're probably right in the legal sense that it's not a crime but morally it absolutely is. There are millions out there in genuine need, there are talented people overlooked who deserve a break - you have had opportunity after opportunity handed to you, chosen to squander them in favour of becoming a beggar.

 

[jenny2603]

Sound financial advice for Jack which I'm sure she'll consider calmly and rationally before punching a table or something.

 

[meizee]

What is there to report? Why are new Twitter users with only a few followers not allowed to post screenshots and links?

These squiggles are beyond thick.

Who’d play the lawyer in this scene?

 

[jenny2603]

They were very careful to only include stuff where the direct contradiction is plain to see I think. It's been very carefully put together.

Let's face it had to be a non-frau. I know if I attempted a similar thread it would be about 900 tweets long and take in bewildering details like Iqbal and the fox eating the garden hose before finally degenerating into spooooons.

 

[I steal names]

It's giving...