Jack Monroe #320 Guns N' Roses

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Congratulations to @Sideboard Bob for the words and @HotesTilaire and @HansThatDoDishes for nominating. You each get a ride on Big Dave's big gun.

That's right, Jack likes big guns and she (still) 'cannot lie'. She proudly posted a candid photo taken of her relaxing next to her dad's cannon, with claims he'd let it off on his residential street, in celebration of the platinum jubilee. He also led the street party in a rousing choral rendition of God Save the Queen, despite being a 'Marxist Leninist socialist, Union man and Morning Star reader’ (these tweets and photo were deleted). No photos of her Peasants (it pains me to leave off the apostrophe) Trifle were posted - we can only assume it was eaten too dang fast.

To appease her appalled neighbours, she trimmed all the 'weeds' (wildflowers and cultivars) in her unruly garden with nail scissors and proudly displayed them in her posh test tube vase. Apparently the neighbours are also shocked at her drinking tea in a dressing gown next to her wheelie bin come rubbish day.

She made this threat promise:

She's currently eating a fish finger and beetroot mayo sarnie (and using the word 'tang' correctly) and waxing lyrical about anchovy-infused mayonnaise. Apparently the Telegraph has finally coughed up and paid her outstanding invoices so she can now go food shopping for the first time in two weeks (On'tday entionmay the Ifletray ingredientsay).

Please read the wiki if you're new, and use the words 'thread title' for a nom.
 
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Apparently she was missing meals for two years... We'll need a TARDIS to fit that into the poverty timeline!
 
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How did you know it was there?

Did the brambly mice and badgers not try to run off with your fictitious soup?
 
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See you Gunny, one of the weirder side characters in the extended universe of Jack's fibs x
 
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Apparently she was missing meals for two years... We'll need a TARDIS to fit that into the poverty timeline!
This will be the time she was 'living rough' and none of her family noticed.

One of the cable needs to go on Mastermind with The Poverty of Jack Monroe as their specialist subject. You literally can't lose, almost any garbage answer you give will be right.
 
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Remember when Jack was thrilled that an anonymous benefactor left some soap on her doorstep? Whereas normal people would die of shame.
 
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Why you not starve when you sad?
Free soup from friends stops it getting bad?
Why you starve in 2011?
To make money from pretend oppression
 
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Bringing this from the last thread, to be added on to the list of the most nauseatingly twee and deplorable things Jack has said:

‘Looks like hell, tastes like cuddles’

 
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Remember when Jack was thrilled that an anonymous benefactor left some soap on her doorstep? Whereas normal people would die of shame.
Would you rather open your door to find soap, soup, or a copy of Good Food for Bad Days? 🤔
 
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Remember when Jack was thrilled that an anonymous benefactor left some soap on her doorstep? Whereas normal people would die of shame.
I reckon it was the bin men. She was out-ponging the bins with her unique blend of dirty fingernails, eggs and permarage.
 
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Bringing this from the last thread, to be added on to the list of the most nauseatingly twee and deplorable things Jack has said:

‘Looks like hell, tastes like cuddles’

Oh my god, I posted that without forensically reading the granular detail of this lifesaving meal.

Microwave whole grain rice, frozen spinach, cup a soup made with half the liquid to make a sauce, and a can of fish

 
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It sounds like a silly question, but how does buy a stranger a book work? If Jack has donated the books, what is there to buy?
 
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It sounds like a silly question, but how does buy a stranger a book work? If Jack has donated the books, what is there to buy?
Technically she has bought the books. I'm not sure if/how the bookseller gets money for their work though if Jack's just sending a box of books? I wonder if it counts to her sales figures? 🤔
 
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Remember when Jack was thrilled that an anonymous benefactor left some soap on her doorstep? Whereas normal people would die of shame.
It bore the price sticker of a nearby corner shop, it happened just after she mentioned that brand of soap on twitter. Two bars just appeared. She was thrilled. Lifelong stalker who lives round the corner must have been on holiday because she was not concerned about him at all.

Why you not starve when you sad?
Free soup from friends stops it getting bad?
Why you starve in 2011?
To make money from pretend oppression
Do you have a patreon? I’d like to give a small amount to fund your poetry.

Would you rather open your door to find soap, soup, or a copy of Good Food for Bad Days? 🤔
Worst shag, marry, kill EVER
 
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She's posted about that cup a slop meal before. Is this her saying she's in a depression just now? Because of her tank girl antics yesterday?
 
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Narrator: She did pull that shit many times more and even found ways to monetise “pulling that shit” for years to come.
 
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She wants a major pivot back to food and mental elf. She’s fucked the politics. Send me your food pics, ok hun. Look forward to you never replying to them AND them looking better than the slop you produce.
 
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