Jack Monroe #314 Take care on the stairs you pretend to fall down repeatedly

[traumatised sideboard]

This thread title comes courtesy of a legendary squig, nominated by @HotesTilaire I hope you both have a lovely evening.

For new frauen, the wiki is the pink button up top. Thread title nominations must be in the latter half of the thread (over post #500), include the words 'thread title' to make it easy to search and no swearing. We'd love to, but we're not allowed. Them's the rules.

Recap:

She blessed us with two new slops comprised of indistinguishable ingredients. One was topped with performative bay leaves, thereby not imparting any flavour at all. Fortunately, flavour is not a primary, secondary or even tertiary concern when creating a slop.

She can't buy grapes because they're not for the poors.

She is not a millionaire, she's not even a hundredaire and she's certainly not fredastaire.

She's going to open space squig's parcel! The canal cannot contain their fizzing, it's like Jack's famous whiskeybucha.

 

[Veronicaaa]

 

[Geetbo]

It also appears she’s looking for a new animal to mistreat. So that’s bleeping dreadful.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

On past evidence, a cracking team is just her...and Old Harold armed with a hole punch.

 

[Shimmering]

Cracking team of Internet paralegals.

Just like the crack team of website engineers that were working round the clock to get her website back online.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I'm still fascinated by that wretched garlic jam. Her suggestions for its usage include accompaniment for roast chicken and roast pork. Imagine her outrage if That Man thought garlic jam with roast pork was a costcutting meal.
How has this useless vanity project been sanctioned?

 

[usefullyuseless]

On past evidence, a cracking team is just her...and Old Harold armed with a hole punch.

OH has been sent out for more lever arch folders and printer ink

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Those poor puppies Jack should not be allowed near any animals ever. With the exception of hungry lions.

Spoiler: Jack and Naughty Lion

Once upon a time there was a hungry lion who wanted more bread and jam please mamapapa. But the mamapapa was the greedy Jack Monroe who wanted to keep all the bread and jammos. So she said shan't.

This provoked the lion and he ate Jack instead. All he had to was get a straw and suck her up like a puddle because, slop, malice and filler are quite soft. He did a big slurp and a burp and said mea culpa in Jack's memory because as we all know, she could never admit to being wrong. Later that evening he had the shits and live tweeted about it to great acclaim. Nigella proclaimed him a maverick and he now has over 700 patreons.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

It also appears she’s looking for a new animal to mistreat. So that’s bleeping dreadful.

Interesting juxtaposition against her many tweets about the horrible landlady that she'd be seemingly happy for Jack to have a dog. Or is this going to be the next pull at the squigs purse-strings, I fell in love with a puppy but horrible landlady said no?

 

[Veronicaaa]

Pre-orders ready in time for Christmas. I think I've heard that one before. Except she was talking about last Christmas.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I'm feeling bad for the Squig who's probably still scratching their head trying to figure out how they're reading constant tit from Jack when she said she's only on Twitter half an hour per day

 

[Brian Butterfield]

View attachment 1300859

Tattle ads on point as per

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

I'm still fascinated by that wretched garlic jam. Her suggestions for its usage include accompaniment for roast chicken and roast pork. Imagine her outrage if That Man thought garlic jam with roast pork was a costcutting meal.
How has this useless vanity project been sanctioned?

I've become aware that I must have skimmed past the garlic jam incident and I now want to know what it's all about. Will have to go back now. Can you not see how BUSY and EXHAUSTED I am!

Bother.

 

[Geetbo]

Pre-orders ready in time for Christmas. I think I've heard that one before. Except she was talking about last Christmas.

View attachment 1300886

Last Christmas, I made you some slop
The very next day, you got dysentery

 

[Salmonshirt]

For duck sake has she still not told space squig that she’s opened the bastard box?!

I feel like Phoebe when she’s screaming at Judy to pick up the sock in Friends.

OPEN THE BOX!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Remember the yellow squig that Jack was arguing with in the last thread, who is also an author? This is one of the books yellow squig has written…

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[BlendedSlop]

Paralegals on it now

In most law firms paralegals are junior casehandlers, doing the donkey work of reviewing documents, etc, under supervision while correspondence relating to the case goes out in a more senior colleague's name. Jack would have no idea who's actually doing the day to day work on her case as she would only be in direct correspondence with Mr Israel. As per, she's just chatting tit and throwing out terms she thinks make her sound like she knows what she's talking about.

(Although I would never complain about my job again if I were being paid to read through these threads!)

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Paralegals on it now

In most law firms paralegals are junior casehandlers, doing the donkey work of reviewing documents, etc, under supervision while correspondence relating to the case goes out in a more senior colleague's name. Jack would have no idea who's actually doing the day to day work on her case as she would only be in direct correspondence with Mr Israel. As per, she's just chatting tit and throwing out terms she thinks make her sound like she knows what she's talking about.

(Although I would never complain about my job again if I were being paid to read through these threads!)

Me, if we could include reading Tattle as billable hours:

 

[Geetbo]

Paralegals on it now

In most law firms paralegals are junior casehandlers, doing the donkey work of reviewing documents, etc, under supervision while correspondence relating to the case goes out in a more senior colleague's name. Jack would have no idea who's actually doing the day to day work on her case as she would only be in direct correspondence with Mr Israel. As per, she's just chatting tit and throwing out terms she thinks make her sound like she knows what she's talking about.

(Although I would never complain about my job again if I were being paid to read through these threads!)

I really envy whichever paralegal gets to read thread 31.