Jack Monroe #206 I wouldn’t trust her with a spam fritter

Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
A small woman with a self-satisfied expression stands in front of an Emma Bridgewater toaster. It is a cream colour and has words associated with bread, toasted bread and toast on it in black text.
The caption should read 'Schrödinger's Toaster' but sadly, does not.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 58
Jack looks suspiciously fresh faced - has she used filters? No, you mithering ninny, it's a sunbeam, or her curtains. Or summat.

She is inexplicably proud of the contents of the poorly washed glass bowl in front of her. It is her father's special trifle. It's clear that Jack has inherited her coolinary skillz from him.

The jelly looks like it was made with soup. The custard is a sad yellow streak, the topping a mean, eked out covering of dream topping and horrid, brick hard, razor sharp 'decorations'.

The whole thing has been lovingly finished with gold spray, leaving it a filthy toxic shade. The gold spray is edible. Apparently. Which is more than can be said for the trifle. 😁😁
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 51
At the bottom of the world‘s deepest pot lies some unidentifiable slop.
It seems to include chopped vegetables, there are definitely spaghetti hoops. Plunging into this coolinary hell is a long silver spoon with the head of a deer, and antlers. While the caption says “done”, the image reveals otherwise.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 52
An androgynous teenaged child with a sharp chin and half an ear grins impishly. This photo has definitely not been altered, filtered or facetuned.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 68
A furry brain studded with large black beetles sits in a bowl of greasy-looking custard dotted with snowflake sugar sprinkles, jarringly festive against the depressing scene. Said brain has been impaled with two lit sparklers, which are accompanied by the sounds of what seems to be some kind of offscreen power tool. The video is, inexplicably, captioned "Enjoy!"
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 53
Marcus Rashford a tall, black, professional footballer in his early 20s tries not to laugh at a small adult human with close cropped hair and Deidre Barlow’s owl glasses from 1981 who stares at him-star struck, in a primary school kitchen. Apparently this scene was also filmed however no footage has not been released to the public.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 59
There is some food on a table or sideboard. Although it is Christmas there is a small shrivelled chicken and no roast potatoes. The vegetables are overcooked and it is not festive.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 62
A 30-s something mum sits at a too-small desk, pretending to work, bringing to mind the classroom scene from ‘Elf’. There are pocket pens. They must not be touched.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 57
It appears to be a close up of the alien swamp planet Dagobah. There is a film of oil on the surface. Something hairy.
Or is that a rinsed spaghetti hoop?
There are some letters or faint markings but they cannot be deciphered.
We are left none the wiser.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 38
A metal utility style tin holds a nightmarish red, crusted entity. It resembles nothing more than a baked placenta.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Sick
Reactions: 38
Greek mezze selection from an Ocado order, presented as if home made by the poster, who has overlayed the image with hard-to-read white text that says 'When you're raised Greek you know this is literally just for your starters. For two.' They have also added their handle '@Jack_Monroe' in the bottom right corner, because it's such a fantastic image someone would probably try to steal it.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 51
I am in Greece - what hell is this Vlad? Wonder if any 7th gen Greek/Irish among us could translate. Is this a JM recipe for one of her new books?
FD5C5C7C-D8AD-450C-A5F0-A2320B108CFA.png
 
  • Haha
  • Wow
  • Like
Reactions: 32
A bright-eyed 33 year old woman stares into the abyss of her iPhone's portrait mode. Her teeth are sparkling white. There's a strange blurring around her eyes. She has no wrinkles, which is impressive at 33. Half of her ear is missing.

The caption underneath reads 'finally feeling like myself again but obviously still sort of terrible #nofilter'.






Just apply this to any photo you like really.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 53
I am in Greece - what hell is this Vlad? Wonder if any 7th gen Greek/Irish among us could translate. Is this a JM recipe for one of her new books?
View attachment 763734
It claims to be a homemade hearing improvement remedy. Either… Vlad is a bit bored and wants in on #jackshacks or the melt your body fat with this disgusting looking fib algorithm has changed up. Either way, expect HellenicJack (my least fave) to be all over it in approx 18 months.
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 25
A woman, side on, appears to be licking her phone which is set up on some kind of contraption for photographing something unidentifiable in a container on the table. Image will self-destruct in 5... 4...
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 42
A pubescent child of undetermined gender beams at the camera in an expression of pure delight while holding up two Sherbert Dib-Dabs.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 48
Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.