Jack Monroe #193 Mama, pass the UNICEF statistics and the Hansards!

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“That’ll do.” ✅
Another classic for eveyone! 😆

Also, ever since the neighbour‘s rosemary bush was mentioned, I keep thinking, “When there’s something strange, in your neighbour’s food...”
 
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Has she had a bang on the head? First it’s got her rosemary in then it hasn’t, next the raw ingredients minus the ham are in the slow cooker and now the looking cooked slop with ham hasn’t even reached the slow cooker yet.
 
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"That'll do" gives me the shits as well. The false modesty like it's a high key masterpiece. Irritation factor 10
 
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That soup veg pack is meant to be cooked quickly, that is why the veg is cut into teeny tiny pieces. 10 minutes on the hob and it is done. Why have it simmering away for hours and hours? It is just not necessary. You don't have to cook veg long and slow, it doesn't need tenderising like a cheap cut of meat. What a head.
 
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“That’ll do.” ✅
Another classic for eveyone! 😆

Also, ever since the neighbour‘s rosemary bush was mentioned, I keep thinking, “When there’s something strange, in your neighbour’s food...”
"Who you gonna call? SLOP BUSTERS!"

In fact the next bit works as well.

"When there's something weird and it don't look good, who you gonna call? SLOP BUSTERS!"
 
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Has she had a bang on the head? First it’s got her rosemary in then it hasn’t, next the raw ingredients minus the ham are in the slow cooker and now the looking cooked slop with ham hasn’t even reached the slow cooker yet.
Yes!!! Thank(space)you, she totally did say she put rosemary in before.

Why must it all be lies Jack?!

(That food looks god bleeping awful)
 
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It’s been 20+ degrees and Jack is privileged enough to have a massive, beautiful (if untended) garden. Sloppess forbid she should grill a bit of halloumi, throw together a simple salad and sit on one of her many pieces of garden furniture to enjoy the sun. No. Wintry mush and enforced misery for all because the POOR aren’t allowed vitamin D.

Colour me deeply unshocked that Hattie pocketed £15k for a book she couldn’t be fucked to deliver. Wasn’t she claiming she can’t work outside of the home, shackled to her toilet by frequent bouts of IBS? Being an author is a great job for home working, Hattie. You just couldn’t be bothered to actually write what people donated for.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s taken Jack on to her PR firm and is reading here with the promise that she’ll find advertorials which don’t make Jack look a sellout/revitalise martyr status but is secretly just waiting for the next inevitable chaos so she can charge her for thousands of billable hours firefighting. Takes a bullshitter grifter to know one.
 
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Where are the other teenage ‘tribes’, the goths, the grungy ones, the sporty ones, the nerds, the drama students, the skateboarders, the dancers, the metalheads, the LARPers, the gamers…. I really hope they still exist and have fun in their own little bubbles and we just don’t see them because of the influencer culture that is dominating bits of social media.

I wonder what Jack was at school?
They definitely still exist! They're just, as always, not as popular as the 'traditionally attractive/basic' groups ...
 
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Also where the duck did the #gifted outdoor pizza oven go?

Seems like maybe (I dunno call me crazy) that might be a good option on a hot day?

But I'm sure there's some hidden trauma related reason why she's using a slow cooker in this heat, and she will post about it in an attempt to make all of us bullying ninnies feel guilty.
 
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To be fair Hattie came here to specify IBD which is different to IBS and much more disabling. With th list of illnesses she provided it was foolish to take on an “extra” project, she would struggle to work regularly with all that.
My friend has IBD and she manages to work in an office job in an actual office. Think she does shifts too.
 
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I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s taken Jack on to her PR firm and is reading here with the promise that she’ll find advertorials which don’t make Jack look a sellout/revitalise martyr status but is secretly just waiting for the next inevitable chaos so she can charge her for thousands of billable hours firefighting.
Perhaps she'll be doing pr for Fack's incoming Taxman and ICO chaos?
Just wondering...
 
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