Jack Monroe #163 Not saying anything new

[Jelly Bean]

The whole thing is very wierd. I don't know what to think. I wonder if SB's dad minds being discussed? He seems v private. I just think she seems to be revelling in it all now. Successfully taken attention away from a murdered woman.
I don't know if I believe her. Or do I? Whatever - she 100% should not be going about it this way. And almost identifying the man? A very dangerous path to take.
I do have a horrible cynical feeling she is angling for work.

 

[Malkiavelli]

OT but hey...why not with these heavy topics- Grayson Perry is great doing documentaries...the coven recently had a whole class system discussion and Grayson P. also did three episodes on class and it was done excellently I thought. He showed himself as very sweet and sensitive.

To be honest don't actually know who he is, have maybe heard the name before but will definitely check him out now - the Scandinavian subject matter is of particular interest.

 

[FrumpyCat]

She has literally given so much away anyone who knows her and knows where she lives now know where this man lives. This could go very wrong. The only people who should know this information is the police and social services. The hit mob do not need to know

I hope not, but trial by twitter appears to be a thing.

 

[discokebab]

I believe her and I'm worried for her welfare. I can't tell anyone how to process their trauma, but I really hope that Jack (if you read this) you find the help you need.

My laptop seemingly is chewing up pages and I can't go back and quote but the poster who said about holding all of your hands in the darkness put it better than I could. Look after yourselves please my dear cabal

 

[Walkdengirl]

I have no doubt that parts off this may be true, however whether it is or not she needs help.

Teachers can still be struck off the teaching register and prosecuted many years later (one I saw a few months ago went back to the 1970s), surely you would want to make sure they couldn't do it to anyone else by reporting it again?

 

[ScamSandwich]

I hope not, but trial by twitter appears to be a thing.

It is dangerous, I hope her army of flying monkeys or locals won't do anything horrible. She mentioned a certain type of car but it is not clear if the alleged person still drives that car (brand)...so someone might do something to someone else's car. Even if 'only' the tyres get pierced it could result in a terrible accident.

 

[Spanner]

Statistically, there aren’t that many male primary teachers, so he would be very identifiable.

Again, I hope she has help from real people and not just social media

 

[Lanie]

You’ve managed to put what I was thinking into words. My browser doesn’t seem to want to let me quote from two pages of the thread, but also what Lanie said about hoping she’s not done it in the middle of a breakdown and will regret it really hit home for me.

Spoiler: Personal experience

When I first disclosed to someone it was impulsive after being triggered by something someone else had said. The person I told was not the right person to tell at all, for a multitude of reasons, I worded it all incredibly badly and I had so much regret afterwards. I can’t imagine how amplified that would be if I’d declared it on Twitter for thousands of people. I don’t actually read her initial thread as planned, to me it sounds like she’s just typed and typed. The additions less so, those seem much more attention seeking.

I am speaking from experience too. I have said things in upset, not the right frame of mind and felt awful after it.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

The whole thing is very wierd. I don't know what to think. I wonder if SB's dad minds being discussed? He seems v private. I just think she seems to be revelling in it all now. Successfully taken attention away from a murdered woman.
I don't know if I believe her. Or do I? Whatever - she 100% should not be going about it this way. And almost identifying the man? A very dangerous path to take.
I do have a horrible cynical feeling she is angling for work.

I posted earlier that it was like Meghan and Harry's allegation of racism. A really, really serious matter, that deserves proper investigation, but going public without naming the person causes a shitstorm of speculation and ill-will, and crucially, it allows no right of reply, no justice. Whether deserved or not, it is a fiendish and devious revenge.

 

[PoorPatrol]

OT but hey...why not with these heavy topics- Grayson Perry is great doing documentaries...the coven recently had a whole class system discussion and Grayson P. also did three episodes on class and it was done excellently I thought. He showed himself as very sweet and sensitive.

Yes. Grayson and Philippa are capable of very nuanced introspection, I would trust them to handle any difficult subject sensitively.

I am so sorry for everyone that has been knocked sideways by this morning’s Tweets, and this week as a whole. I also want to apologise for any upset caused by me saying I am doubtful of the claims etc. I have to say that I felt sick to be essentially disputing someone’s very serious and traumatic experience, and this would ordinarily not be a stance I would take. I do believe women, and men, when they say they’ve experienced trauma. I am also acutely aware of the history of people not being believed, police and/or family not taking accusations seriously, and myriad other additional factors that add to the trauma.

She is a pathological liar and attention seeker, hence the doubts here, but I can see why such speculation is extremely damaging and inappropriate. For the record, I would always believe and support someone who came to me for help, or disclosed something like this to me.

Without trying to police the thread, I’m wondering if we can keep discussing it without being hurtful to people who have had similar experiences to the one Jack has shared.

 

[OhHeck]

I have no doubt that parts off this may be true, however whether it is or not she needs help.

...surely you would want to make sure they couldn't do it to anyone else by reporting it again?

I don't mean to single you out, as someone up-thread said this too, but this is a very damaging thing to say to or about a survivor of SA. It implies the onus is on them to report to prevent the abuser from doing it to someone else, which is false. The onus is on the abuser to not abuse people. Whether someone reports or not is entirely up to them, and the guilt of not reporting (and often the guilt of reporting) will weigh very heavily on some already laden shoulders.

 

[Eleanor Abernathy]

The twist reveal that the friend was SB’s dad felt icky. Twist implies plot.

This is what I was trying to say, you’ve put it better than I did. It just feels like the way the whole series of tweets were written was for dramatic effect. Again, I’m not saying I don’t believe it. I just feel that there are a million other better ways that it could have been told.

 

[colouredlines]

"There's a lot more to this story"
"I've left out some of the more horrifying details"

I feel very weird about this. I can't quite articulate why, but it's this kind of "it's so so awful I can't discuss it" that seems to encourage filling in the blanks or something. She did the same thing when speaking about the ex-girlfriend who abused her during her pregnancy:

It wouldn’t be long, however, before everything escalated into the final incident, one Sam* says is so “specific and extreme” she does not feel she can talk about it without identifying those involved. The police were called, but it did not lead to a conviction, and years later, she remains afraid.

* she was anonymous in this article, but later revealed her identity.

 

[veryfondoftea]

This is what I was trying to say, you’ve put it better than I did. It just feels like the way the whole series of tweets were written was for dramatic effect. Again, I’m not saying I don’t believe it. I just feel that there are a million other better ways that it could have been told.

Yes this absolutely. There’s just something about her tweets that feel so manipulative. Been feeling guilty all day about feeling that way about someone’s trauma!

 

[Jelly Bean]

I posted earlier that it was like Meghan and Harry's allegation of racism. A really, really serious matter, that deserves proper investigation, but going public without naming the person causes a shitstorm of speculation and ill-will, and crucially, it allows no right of reply, no justice. Whether deserved or not, it is a fiendish and devious revenge.

Plus what if the 'wrong' primary school teacher is suspected? It's just utterly irresponsible. And also could prove highly prejudicial if it did actually come to trial couldn't it?
I'm sure this must be cathartic for Jack but she is opening cans of worms I don't think she can predict or understand the ramifications.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

She has outed someone who lives close to her parents, a former teacher with a description of his car. I am certain that people in her area will be curtain twitching at the moment and emotions running high. I just hope there is no vigilante mobs that take action into their own hands, things can take really terrible turns especially if people end up targeting the innocent.

That happened where I am, a group of people beat up a paedophile to the point he was in hospital for a year before passing away. Except he wasn’t a paedophile, they got it completely wrong.

Not getting a fair trial is something that allows accused people to walk away Scot free, that’s why a lot of police forces have spoken out about the paedophile hunter groups - if they confront someone, film it and upload it on SM, will that person get the fair trial they’re entitled to? The same could happen here.

Spoiler: My experience

I have shared this here before but I was abused as a child between the ages of 11 and 14. I didn’t tell a soul at the time because the abuser said I would make my dad ill again if I spoke up and because he’d ground me down with other types of abuse, I believed him. Years later my drinking was at its worst because I was trying to push this awful experience down with drink but it would come up again...I had a young niece so I went to the Police as the thought of it happening to her outweighed my concerns about not being believed.

I was believed but thankfully he hadn’t abused his daughter and nobody else had come forward so it was my word against his. No justice, no day in Court but I had no choice but to deal with it. Of course Jack doesn’t have to go to the Police but her outpouring of support on Twitter must surely help her see she is believed. She won’t deal with the same Officers and who knows, there are maybe others and they’re building a case. But people tagging the Police and her giving clues to where this guy lives isn’t the right way to go about it imo.

I hope there’s a special place in hell for child abusers because it’s blighted my life and the lives of so many wonder people on this thread. Sending you all lots of love x

 

[ChickenPorridge]

"There's a lot more to this story"
"I've left out some of the more horrifying details"

I feel very weird about this. I can't quite articulate why, but it's this kind of "it's so so awful I can't discuss it" that seems to encourage filling in the blanks or something. She did the same thing when speaking about the ex-girlfriend who abused her during her pregnancy:

It wouldn’t be long, however, before everything escalated into the final incident, one Sam* says is so “specific and extreme” she does not feel she can talk about it without identifying those involved. The police were called, but it did not lead to a conviction, and years later, she remains afraid.

* she was anonymous in this article, but later revealed her identity.

I would love, just for once, and only because it's Jack who puts so much out into the public, to hear from one of the friends who was actually there. Where are they? Where have they always been? Just one time, see some support from one of these invisible friends

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

She’s now responding to questions about tumble dryer fluff.

Sorry everyone.

ETA.... sorry silver.... I was too shocked/angry/upset

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Vanelope]

Now no one can dictate how you handle trauma - but really? Step away from the hellsite