Jack Monroe #136 We lived in a house, it had a roof

[Pocahontas]

Congratulations to this terrible little trio for the thread title: @BobRob @SoulRebel and @kachoochoo ! Your collective prize: a plate of Jack’s vegan sausage surprise.


Recap of thread #135

1. Jack made a beautiful vegan meal as part of her Linda McCartney collab.
2. Roadside Mum softly, gently made some inroads.
3. Captain Jack likes sea shanties.
4. More DM delights. What larks for someone who seems to enjoy a witty repartee just as much as Jack does.
5. She remains the Guardian’s poster child for poverty.
6. She stink-eyed some organic garlic.
7. She went looking for something to be angry about.
8. She retweeted the time she met Marcus. Tom Kerridge championed Marcus for all that he’s doing ... but, what about Jaaaaack. It’s not fair.
9. Aaaaaand she posted Potatoes again. With comments limited to those who follow her.
10. Oh, the Guardian, you’re spoiling us. Two Jack features in a single weekend.
11. Spoiler: Jack for Dummies

    [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
    
    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
    
    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
    
    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
    
    *** JACKISMS ***
    
    Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
    
    Yes, absolutely x
    
    Some other favourite Jack quotes:
    
    ‘Babe, same’
    ‘I did a chaos’
    ‘My maverick brain’
    ‘My sad little face’
    ‘I’m BUSY’
    ‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
    ‘I laughed up a lung’
    
    ** NEW **
    ‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
    
    She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
    
    As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
    
    *****
    
    One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
    
    To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
    
    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
    
    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
    
    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
    
    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
    
    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
    
    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
    
    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
    
    Also:
    

    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
    • ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
    • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.

    [*][*][*]
    Use the pink link tab at the top of the thread to find Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, where you will find all episodes of Daily Kitchen Live.
    
    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
    
    

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.

    [*][*][*][*]

 

[Droosie123]

Fabulous thread title....I sing it to Blur and also Avril Lavigne.

The cabal are indeed a very creative and wonderful bunch of people.

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

Last thread closed as I was posting. I noticed she said this last week too

I thought she was going to prioritise paid interviews and demand the highest fees she could.

now it is all unpaid or nominal.

Yep she did say that. She shouldn’t be doing interviews if not being paid well enough for them, you know, cos it’s all for the starving children and absolutely NOT ABOUT JACK

 

[Froggies]

I really wish the guardian would update her photo to a recent one. That one gives me nightmares.

 

[LyraBalaqua]

I really wish the guardian would update her photo to a recent one. That one gives me nightmares.

I think she looks healthier in those pictures than her current look.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

The Guardian has lost any remaining credibility they had left in my eyes, I don't know why they keep wheeling her out to fill inches with the same old hot air. But that photo, bloody hell

 

[Satisfying Click]

I scrolled to the bottom of the Guardian article looking for the words, "Jack Monroe did not receive payment for this article, the fee was donated to Magic Breakfast." but alas! They were not there!

Maybe they forgot to add it in?

 

[bowiethesdmn]

The Guardian has lost any remaining credibility they had left in my eyes, I don't know why they keep wheeling her out to fill inches with the same old hot air. But that photo, bloody hell

View attachment 388059

Her hair really annoys me more than it should there. Also her smug chihuahua-like expression.

 

[Pocahontas]

That photo: that’s the Jack who took down Katie Hopkins. Therefore that’s the one that keeps getting wheeled out.

 

[bladiesla]

Had started this post in the other thread

Only until she gets to the bottom of the page and says letter-writing is for twats (my paraphrasing here).
Having the nerve to talk about demonising language in the press when she called looked after children feral in the same paper yesterday. Awful.

"Writing letter (not signed by me) is not enough". Nice dig towards THAT MAN .

So overall, this piece has:

- Stating the obvious (poverty = tit and years of austery mode a bad situation worse. As you can read in 100s of books written since 2010 and weekly opinion pieces accross all media)
- "Talk to people who it affects (but first give ME the spotlight)", which again is stating the obvious
- "Have I told you about my experiences with poverty"
- A mission statement (I was not aware she had one)
- Even though not in poverty anymore, still saying things like 'what our needs are' (another Cotswolds sideboard is a want, Jack, not a need).

She really thinks she deserves the microphone for statements without really suggesting a plan ('just feed the children'). Which is about as inspiring as me saying 'we should save the whales'. A sentiment none will argue with (apart form whale-haters) but nothing additional to it. No suggestions for a sustainable recovery after the pandemic, not even the suggestion to duck the Tory party (perhaps not to upset her Express audience). No substance (no new insights at least, just the obvious), just more shouting and centering herself.

 

[Boyo]

Congratulations to this terrible little trio for the thread title: @BobRob @SoulRebel and @kachoochoo ! Your collective prize: a plate of Jack’s vegan sausage surprise.

 

[waffle maker]

No comments again...

 

[PermanentEyeRolls]

This is going back a bit but I can't get it out of my head...

I can't help but wonder what all the children who were fostered by her family think of the way she discusses them?? Imagine going through such trauma and then seeing it published in a national paper and the person who saw you when you were vulnerable calls you feral and in other articles basically implies you were the bane (sp?) of her teen years.

It makes me so angry everytime I think about it.

 

[SoulRebel]

Oh, my first thread title, and I'm very proud to be a member of such an exclusive club. I may have to ditch my membership at The Groucho stat.

 

[bladiesla]

This is going back a bit but I can't get it out of my head...

I can't help but wonder what all the children who were fostered by her family think of the way she discusses them?? Imagine going through such trauma and then seeing it published in a national paper and the person who saw you when you were vulnerable calls you feral and in other articles basically implies you were the bane (sp?) of her teen years.

It makes me so angry everytime I think about it.

For a person so concerned about the children, she doens't really give a tit about them (beyond being a prop in her stories) it seems.

 

[LyraBalaqua]

..... and I wish she’d stop talking about being ‘financially secure’.

Not everyone who rents or had a mortgage has savings in the bank and financial security, there are plenty of us who aren’t financially secure , if we lose jobs we’re all up tit creek , not just Jack, call me poor, Monroe.

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

I don't know how to quote from a previous thread, sorry. But re. the firefighter sexism thing - all I can think of is there used to be a test where the ladder had to be returned to the top of the appliance. So obviously a weight pushing test which is a bit harder for women but not if you've trained for it. The kicker was the height issue, it was basically higher up than the average woman would be able to reach (let alone teeny tiny smol Jack). It was known as a way of making it harder for women to get through.

I assume it was changed at some point. I assume that was nothing to do with Jack.

 

[Emmapism]

The Government Must Listen to the Voices of Food Poverty by me, Jack Monroe, once very very poor indeed. Except I wasn't.

Anyway forget about those twats, they can't write as floridly as I can. Where's my paycheck?

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

This is going back a bit but I can't get it out of my head...

I can't help but wonder what all the children who were fostered by her family think of the way she discusses them?? Imagine going through such trauma and then seeing it published in a national paper and the person who saw you when you were vulnerable calls you feral and in other articles basically implies you were the bane (sp?) of her teen years.

It makes me so angry everytime I think about it.

I don’t mean to imply they’re any less her siblings than her biological ones, but aren’t the two she wheels out for anecdotes: the younger brother she sees in the supermarket and the sister who wants to be a nurse both children her parents originally fostered? So she’s talking like that about at least two people who are still in contact with her and very likely to see it.

 

[Scarletfever]

Compare and contrast yesterday's vapid trash with this:

Marcus Rashford: the making of a food superhero

Coaches, charity workers – and the footballer himself – reveal what drives the man who twice tackled Boris Johnson on child hunger and won

www.theguardian.com