- Notice
Pixieboots
Chatty Member
Well done @TriviaNewtonJohn, thread title champion!
In our last thread:
In our last thread:
[*]
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
Use the pink link tab at the top of the thread to find Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, where you will find all episodes of Daily Kitchen Live.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Use the pink link tab at the top of the thread to find Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, where you will find all episodes of Daily Kitchen Live.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
Fitnessqueen
VIP Member
After 9 months of furlough, part time furlough and then redundancy I’m back in full time work today. I shall look forward to an epic Grunk tonight - be careful out there comrades 
ThePowderMonkey
Well-known member
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Havin a chat on Twitter DMs with @bootstrapadmin can’t share it all for privacy cos she’s on #furlough
Eleanor Abernathy
VIP Member
Like I said a few threads back, I only usually lurk on here and comment rarely but my God, her behaviour the last 42 hours has been disturbing! I find her ability to jump on the coattails of someone else’s campaign and then make it about her all from the comfort of her own home, astounding. I’m from Liverpool and a staunch red so it’s not in my genetic make up to compliment a Man Utd player but what Marcus Rashford has done these last months has been amazing. Then you’ve got this gobshite retweeting stuff and then somehow becoming the champion of the poor. She’s vile. She reckons she pays herself £23,000 a year? Well, that’s £5000 more than I get for actually getting off my arse and working every day and I’ve never had a rent payment bounce in my life so like a lot of you have said, it just stinks of poor money management and/or she’s lying. I’m in a similar situation to her aswell, one kid at Uni, one teenager at home so two mouths to feed in normal times but three at the moment because Uni’s haven’t gone back yet. I also work with families who are genuinely living in poverty, the fact she even thinks she’s close to going through what they’re going through is insulting. In the words of Jarvis Cocker, she thinks that ‘poor is cool’ when in actual fact, genuine poverty is heartbreaking to just witness, let alone go through.
I remember thinking at the time when she was slating Corbyn that of course she doesn’t want him in power. She needs the Tories to be in charge or she’ll lose her USP. Can’t be the people’s poverty princess if the man in charge has made it his business to get everyone out of poverty.
I remember thinking at the time when she was slating Corbyn that of course she doesn’t want him in power. She needs the Tories to be in charge or she’ll lose her USP. Can’t be the people’s poverty princess if the man in charge has made it his business to get everyone out of poverty.
kachoochoo
VIP Member
that's an automated message and she actually replied to it like an actual boomer!
I get emails from labour all the time as I am an affiliate member through unison and all their messages are like this!
"kachoochoo, will you chip in £3?"
"kachoochoo, will you join our very important conference call?"
"kachoochoo, we need you to join in with our very important event"
they even pop up in your inbox as being from a specific person eg Jeremy, Keir, Angela etc
and she considers this to be a private message from JC himself! i cannot get over this
eta thankspaceyou jack for the best thread title yet!
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
This isn't a troll account, she has a number of followers and has been on Twitter for years. The person who liked this tweet is an author and works as a publishing consultant. Love to know that the literary world thinks of Jack (another Whatsapp group I want to be privy to)
colouredlines
VIP Member
She can't pay rent but she reckoned she could afford the disabled kitten's vet bills AND was planning to get a dog a few months ago.
ChocolateMuffin
VIP Member
The two Christian Missionaries from her local church that used to bring her organic fruit and veg
Silver Linings
VIP Member
It’s getting more elaborate every time! Best go live on the sleeper, babe. Maybe don’t do a sweetie run on the way.
BorisWelsh
Member
Soooooooo this might explain the Sloppins cosplay
Professor Slop
Active member
Snow day for me! Plenty of work to do but I can be warm and comfortable at home whilst doing it.
Squigs waking up.
Squigs waking up.
HarderFaster
VIP Member
Yes yes YES
This, again, is far more gentle than Jack deserves but I’m here for the strong implication that she’s a cock. When someone who genuinely is ‘politically difficult’ is saying this it really challenges Jack’s bullshit assertion that her politics have excluded her. You get paid for a Corbyn hit piece, you suck that up, buttercup.
This, again, is far more gentle than Jack deserves but I’m here for the strong implication that she’s a cock. When someone who genuinely is ‘politically difficult’ is saying this it really challenges Jack’s bullshit assertion that her politics have excluded her. You get paid for a Corbyn hit piece, you suck that up, buttercup.
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
hollowhusk
Well-known member
Dear Jack,
Please just stop now. This is painful to watch and I have a feeling it is going to end badly. Those overnight tweets were truly awful.
Telling people to just be nice to you because of your rejection sensitive dysphoria doesn't cut it. It is not the way things work. If you put yourself into the public eye and take on subjects like politics then people are going to call you out on your beliefs, just look at the abuse Jeremy Corbyn got. Any campaigner on the left or right of the political spectrum is going to have their ideas and arguments ripped to shreds and mocked by others.
If you instigate pile ons of people (The Reece Mogg woman, Edwina Currie, David Walliams) then you cannot expect people to just be nice. Any one of those people could have their own mental health struggles behind the scenes.
If you tell everyone you are living in poverty and need to feed three people on £20 a week then people are going to notice the inconsistencies.
If you post publicly that you feed your own kid cheap white bread, spready cheese and carrot sandwiches with a packet of cheap maize snacks then you sound like a hypocrite.
You've already talked about the crisis team earlier this year, they deal with people who are either actively suicidal or psychotic. You need to step away from Twitter for the sake of your fragile mental health. If being criticised is so painful it sends you on a downward spiral then you need to take yourself out of that world.
Respond to the criticisms with some dignity or ignore altogether. Getting defensive and snarky is not a professional look. If you want to be taken seriously then you can't behave like that.
Please just stop now. This is painful to watch and I have a feeling it is going to end badly. Those overnight tweets were truly awful.
Telling people to just be nice to you because of your rejection sensitive dysphoria doesn't cut it. It is not the way things work. If you put yourself into the public eye and take on subjects like politics then people are going to call you out on your beliefs, just look at the abuse Jeremy Corbyn got. Any campaigner on the left or right of the political spectrum is going to have their ideas and arguments ripped to shreds and mocked by others.
If you instigate pile ons of people (The Reece Mogg woman, Edwina Currie, David Walliams) then you cannot expect people to just be nice. Any one of those people could have their own mental health struggles behind the scenes.
If you tell everyone you are living in poverty and need to feed three people on £20 a week then people are going to notice the inconsistencies.
If you post publicly that you feed your own kid cheap white bread, spready cheese and carrot sandwiches with a packet of cheap maize snacks then you sound like a hypocrite.
You've already talked about the crisis team earlier this year, they deal with people who are either actively suicidal or psychotic. You need to step away from Twitter for the sake of your fragile mental health. If being criticised is so painful it sends you on a downward spiral then you need to take yourself out of that world.
Respond to the criticisms with some dignity or ignore altogether. Getting defensive and snarky is not a professional look. If you want to be taken seriously then you can't behave like that.