Jack Monroe #127 No-spend year

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Congratulations to @MooBelle for the thread title! šŸŽ‰ Your prize: a can opener (and a ring pull tin of your choice).

Recap of thread #126



  1. She started the new year at her desk, by the [electric] fire, wishing for furious cats.
  2. Counting Crows Jack came to stay.
  3. Cooper the cat sat on her first draft of cookbook 7 (Modern Budget Cooking).
  4. She ā€˜hard relates to the squirrel sized serious lil monkeyā€™. Itā€™s a smol world, after all.
  5. She asked ā€˜whereā€™s the first place to want to visit when all ~this~ is over and itā€™s completely safe to do so?ā€™
  6. Sheā€™s on a ā€˜no-spend year (with obvious exceptions)ā€™, therefore cannot be tempted by any more William Morris merch. Gifts not included, obv.
  7. She talked about can openers and ring pull tins, but rest assured, thereā€™s no tins like Del Monte tins. They have ring pulls for people who canā€™t afford tin openers. I think thatā€™s the rationale.
  8. Louisa is at the bungalow cooking roasties and SB is now 9 years old (on Instagram).
  9. Over on Twitter, heā€™s 10 again and is apparently the inspiration for a great new poll. ā€˜Would you rather sing like Taylor, or paint like Picassoā€™. šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø
  10. She stands with Dave on Twitter and wants to help him in case Allison Pearson sues him for libel. Having been at the centre of the ā€˜landmark twitter libel caseā€™ she is like, an expert.
  11. [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ā€˜s ā€˜Jack for Dummiesā€™ post (edited to include updated info):

    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

    *** JACKISMS ***

    Jackā€™s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

    Yes, absolutely x

    Some other favourite Jack quotes:

    ā€˜Babe, sameā€™
    ā€˜I did a chaosā€™
    ā€˜My maverick brainā€™
    ā€˜My sad little faceā€™
    ā€˜Iā€™m BUSYā€™
    ā€˜I HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā€™
    ā€˜I laughed up a lungā€™

    ** NEW **
    ā€˜Literally hella embarrassed AFā€™ about ā€˜Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancyā€™ and she ā€˜didnā€™t even vote for itā€™.

    She likes to describe herself as ā€˜puppyishly honest and naively enthusiasticā€™

    As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.

    *****

    One of Jackā€™s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā„¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as ā€˜gossip mavensā€™ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

    To ā€˜GrunkaLunkaā€™ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatā€™s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonā€™t be the last. *

    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itā€™s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ā€˜RIP Vivā€™ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinā€™s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ā€˜horse spunkā€™ - there may be some horse ā€˜spiritā€™ lasagne jokes.

    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ā€˜Thank you so Matt much, Mattā€™, which made us all HOOT.

    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ā€˜Now duck offā€™. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackā€™s own genteel humour.

    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ā€˜Sheā€™s Lyingā€™ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackā€™s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheā€™s lying.*

    Also:
    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackā€™s words: ā€˜She [Louisa] leftā€™.
    • ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ā€˜buddleā€™ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesnā€™t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ā€˜It just does.ā€™
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
    • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
    [*][*]
    Here is a link to Jackā€™s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ā€˜Terrible!ā€™ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ā€˜s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donā€™t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ā€˜thread titleā€™, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number wonā€™t be enough. We also canā€™t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
    [*][*][*]
 
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I just hope she finds something that validates her as much as sm does.
 
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I just hope she finds something that validates her as much as sm does.
Honestly, this. I'd feel sorry for her if she wasn't such a disingenuous grifter. Social media engagement and stupid purchases will never fill that void.
 
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1/.She writes for the express AND the telegraph ?! Like... without even a pseudonym? How does she honestly think she's remotely a left wing activist when she's helping those two hateful rags earn money/views??? šŸ¤¢šŸ¤¢šŸ¤¢

Sorry I'm about to become peak annoying emoji person but

2/. THIS šŸ‘ IS šŸ‘NOT šŸ‘ABOUT šŸ‘ YOU šŸ‘ JACK
 
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I look forward to seeing the weird and wacky places she will say her newly purchased items were found in this no spend year.
 
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Top recap there @Pocahontas ! 10, I mean 9, no, 10/10! šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘

And what a thread title @MooBelle , itā€™s a helpful reminder for oor Jackie (ā€œI didnā€™t say THIS year!ā€) šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘




Going by the scenes of her arriving back in The Express offices, I donā€™t think Carole Malone will be AWAY again any time soon...

 
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The DM from Jack was the last straw for Allison Pearson.

Well played again Galaxy Brain. Say goodbye to your right wing tit rag pay days.
 
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I look forward to seeing the weird and wacky places she will say her newly purchased items were found in this no spend year.
My guesses:
- She had her windows open during a storm and it just blew in
- It has been stuck at her publisher's all lockdown and has only just arrived
- SB went without sausages and saved his pocket money to buy it (Mothers Day is coming up!)
- It was accidentally delivered but the company doesn't want it back
- A gift from a fellow Express/Telegraph/rightwing colleague
- There was a bright light and a puff of smoke and it suddenly appeared in her living room
- The magic puddle provides again
 
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Congratulations to @MooBelle for the thread title! šŸŽ‰ Your prize: a can opener (and a ring pull tin of your choice).

Recap of thread #126



  1. She started the new year at her desk, by the [electric] fire, wishing for furious cats.
  2. Counting Crows Jack came to stay.
  3. Cooper the cat sat on her first draft of cookbook 7 (Modern Budget Cooking).
  4. She ā€˜hard relates to the squirrel sized serious lil monkeyā€™. Itā€™s a smol world, after all.
  5. She asked ā€˜whereā€™s the first place to want to visit when all ~this~ is over and itā€™s completely safe to do so?ā€™
  6. Sheā€™s on a ā€˜no-spend year (with obvious exceptions)ā€™, therefore cannot be tempted by any more William Morris merch. Gifts not included, obv.
  7. She talked about can openers and ring pull tins, but rest assured, thereā€™s no tins like Del Monte tins. They have ring pulls for people who canā€™t afford tin openers. I think thatā€™s the rationale.
  8. Louisa is at the bungalow cooking roasties and SB is now 9 years old (on Instagram).
  9. Over on Twitter, heā€™s 10 again and is apparently the inspiration for a great new poll. ā€˜Would you rather sing like Taylor, or paint like Picassoā€™. šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø
  10. She stands with Dave on Twitter and wants to help him in case Allison Pearson sues him for libel. Having been at the centre of the ā€˜landmark twitter libel caseā€™ she is like, an expert.
  11. [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ā€˜s ā€˜Jack for Dummiesā€™ post (edited to include updated info):

    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

    *** JACKISMS ***

    Jackā€™s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

    Yes, absolutely x

    Some other favourite Jack quotes:

    ā€˜Babe, sameā€™
    ā€˜I did a chaosā€™
    ā€˜My maverick brainā€™
    ā€˜My sad little faceā€™
    ā€˜Iā€™m BUSYā€™
    ā€˜I HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā€™
    ā€˜I laughed up a lungā€™

    ** NEW **
    ā€˜Literally hella embarrassed AFā€™ about ā€˜Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancyā€™ and she ā€˜didnā€™t even vote for itā€™.

    She likes to describe herself as ā€˜puppyishly honest and naively enthusiasticā€™

    As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.

    *****

    One of Jackā€™s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā„¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as ā€˜gossip mavensā€™ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

    To ā€˜GrunkaLunkaā€™ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatā€™s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonā€™t be the last. *

    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itā€™s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ā€˜RIP Vivā€™ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinā€™s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ā€˜horse spunkā€™ - there may be some horse ā€˜spiritā€™ lasagne jokes.

    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ā€˜Thank you so Matt much, Mattā€™, which made us all HOOT.

    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ā€˜Now duck offā€™. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackā€™s own genteel humour.

    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ā€˜Sheā€™s Lyingā€™ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackā€™s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheā€™s lying.*

    Also:
    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackā€™s words: ā€˜She [Louisa] leftā€™.
    • ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ā€˜buddleā€™ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesnā€™t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ā€˜It just does.ā€™
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
    • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
    [*][*][*]
    Here is a link to Jackā€™s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ā€˜Terrible!ā€™ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ā€˜s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donā€™t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ā€˜thread titleā€™, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number wonā€™t be enough. We also canā€™t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
    [*][*][*][*]
Hurrah!!!! I'd like a can of pineapple rings please...

Waiting for her to imply she was the cause of Allison and Dave making peace.
'behind the scenes' Jack strikes a blow for good again
 
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obv not defending that twit but, surely the queen of The Poor would rise above shaming people for bankruptcy

20210104_143710.jpg
 
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she must've personally been in touch with him

Screenshot_20210104-144638_Twitter.jpg

or she's just read his tweet šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø
20210104_145139.jpg
 
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Laura Waddell the journalist who wrote for the Scotsman. That Laura Waddell? I wonder who she is referring to.

Amusing story- I was just doing some emergency diy anyway I needed a part so I bought one from Screwfix šŸ”ŗ
Went up there to collect it, pulled myself up to my full 5ft, took off my childrenā€™s gloves that I wear coz my hands are so smol, swished my long hair, collected the new valve and that was it. Place was full of geezers, not one of them commented on my traazers or being a bird or doing diy. Never even got called ā€œloveā€ the guy called me mister at the till (I think thatā€™s just his default). Unbelievable.
 
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Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.