Binge and purge, innit?
That's an...omelette?
Jack Monroe #110 Hands up, who likes me?
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When I had arthritis, I often had to fill out questionnaires about my progress but I always remember one of the questions being 'can you open a jam jar which has previously/already been opened?' I'll have to dig out some of the questions because they really do make it very clear how absolutely limited your mobility can be when you have arthritis in your joints. Opening tin cans would have been a no go, for sure (ETA: for me/based on my own personal experience).
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i was about to make the same toddler comparison. Reminds me of when my daughter used to come home from nursery with a craft project involving an old egg carton with some feathers stuck on and proudly declared she made it all on her own. No tit.
I think this might actually be one of her worst abominations yet. If she's trying to live within a budget why does she waste all those ingredients in one big horrible sloppy meal? The chickpeas and potatoes could have been used elsewhere! And crazy idea for the pear...you could have just eaten it as it is!
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Careful, y'all are gonna set her off on an arthritis flare-up. We'll have to sit through all the tried-its again. Won't somebody think of the Fraus
Mr D hovers in the background whenever I'm cooking because he knows anything related to jars or tins is going to get passed to him without a word. There is no way on earth I can do them, even when armed with various gadgets, a strong tablespoon, rubber gloves and 40 years of experience. As for still sealed jars, duck that forever - the only way I've ever got them open in the last 15 years is by stabbing the fuckers with a pointy knife (and only then if he's still nearby to open them and not hiding from my arthritis induced rage).
I know, that we know, it's a load of bollocks, but does she really think people are always going to believe oh i found this burberry scarf in a puddle, this le creuset pot in a charity shop and this chesterfield chair in a vintage shop?
Because much like her recipes - this is utter scutter.
Because much like her recipes - this is utter scutter.
duck me the whole thing is genius but this bit ENDED me! Love it! Thank you very Matt much xx
Buying Tin Can Cook for somebody lacking energy is an absolute joke. The only recipe I can find in that book that would be suitable for someone short on energy isn’t even a recipe (making pasta in a mug with kettle water). I work full time with chronic illness (an ability many don’t have) & if I’m having a flare it’s often impossible for me to do anything in the evening if I’ve made it into work. At those times what you need is either food you’ve made and freezed on better days in anticipation of exhaustion or something very easy/low maintenance (beans on toast is always a winner for me). The last thing somebody that is bloody exhausted/sore/nauseated/whatever else needs is to blend a tin of carrots or rinse some spaghetti hoops and standing by a hob for 30 minutes whilst your chickpeas disintegrate (as Matt said on DKL ‘you like a long slow cook don’t you’) is a) impossible and b) enough to tip someone over into the depths of despair.
It's just dawned on me that, if that concoction was 2 portions, she actually did herself a favour by eating it all at once (lasciviously or not), because those mussels would not have been OK to reheat again.
Bring it on. My absolute bleeping specialist subject is autoimmune disease and the genetic issues that manifest in connective tissue/systemic diseases- in terms of medication, treatment protocols, exactly what particular Trusts fund compared with NICE guidelines, the structural elements of the musculoskeletal system, inflammatory pathways and generalised bullshittery.
True, the chances of two people being willing to eat it are remote.
Oh I'm with you there 100% - I was so dependent on my parents when I had it to help me do relatively simple things. Even gripping a pen for a day at school was hard work! It makes you curse tins and jars, doesnt it!? Ironically, we need more people who have arthritis designing long life goods
she is copying Mum Nigella again. She mentioned LARD dripping down her chin on Twitter a while ago. Also the greed hyena is an ode to Nigella, without the hyena though.
Someone phone the police, that is bleeping criminal! Best call the Coast Guard while you're at it.
bleeping hell.
I want to share too, because the alcohol talk from JM can really make me see red. My good buddy, someone I’ve grown up with (we’re both still in our 20s, just barely), has been fighting for his life throughout this pandemic. He has cirrhosis and is on the brink of liver failure, but he’s managed to get sober through a detox centre and he’s doing okay-ish. I know some sober people who enjoy a non-alcoholic beverage occasionally, but mostly for ceremonial reasons (ex. having an AF beer at a baseball game). But maybe there is a market there, who knows?
I have my own experiences using alcohol to self-medicate as a mostly non-speaking autistic kid. But I’ve never reached a point like my friend did. I’d never write a woe-is-me + sorry-I’ve-been-awful article announcing I’d been sober for a week in a national (well, international) newspaper. Maybe try the sobriety for a year and then write about some insight? Maybe save that story for an AA meeting? Maybe get into confessional poetry because I don’t understand who this article is serving?
I feel hypocritical here. I don’t want to be a gate-keeper and say someone doesn’t have a drinking problem or can’t share their experiences, but when it comes to life-threatening addictions you do it responsibly! I also can relate a bit if JM is autistic and struggles with speaking in high pressure situations. I dunno. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s been exaggerated, that this article could’ve easily been about recognizing a problem with drinking and wanting to start the year sober, like so many people probably feel after New Year’s. Alcohol is an addictive substance. It’s addictive for everyone. It’s not uncommon to feel like you need to give up booze to gain back control.
That article was the first time I rolled my eyes at this performative mess. Only seems worse with the casual mention of relapses (itty-bitty ones) on Twitter. If my friend mentioned a relapse I’d be on the phone or jumping a train to go see him, even in this pandemic, because it might be the thing that kills him.
I once sent my friend a picture from a party last year, because I’d run into a mutual friend of ours. There were bottles of alcohol in the shot. He called me and asked nicely that I never send him any photos with booze visible. I don’t think he’d enjoy buttery AF mulled wine with his beet burger hockey pucks and bowls of unruly slop.
Declaring you’re sober to the whole world one week into recovery (if we’re using the AA alcoholism is a thing framework) makes about as much sense as a “food expert“ never making a quiche before.
(I can hear the objections : “It was to hold myself accountable! I want to share my journey and shed light on this issue! Visibility! What?! It’s not like I’m making a movie about it. I passed on selling the movie rights decades ago. For the sake of my family. Would you do that? Stay out of my business, you know, the personal life I bang out across my many Guardian bylines.”)
Has she ever not gone and 'devoured seconds'. Since it looks like Buddy has escaped for the evening she still has to pretend she could've fed two. Come to think if it wonder what the kid was fed? I'm completely lost trying to work along with the £20 shop....
That would definitely give you the bluesies
I'm wondering what quirky take she will apply to a quiche. She'll maybe add oats and crushed cornflakes to the pastry and the filling will be cheese, baked beans, desiccated coconut and melted opal fruits.
(Honestly it is so hard to think of food combinations that are too ridiculous even for her - the smol scampering goblin hyena urchin that she is).
I know we’ve all said this many times, but why must she put everything in one meal? It’s not exactly frugal as well as just looking awful. She could have had a perfectly good chickpea, potato and leek stew one night (either herby or spicy), mussels with oil, garlic, chilli and pasta tomorrow and had the pears in something breakfasty, a crumble, a cake or just on their own with custard. She could have even served the chickpea one as separate entities by making a dryish spicy chickpea curry and Bombay potatoes, then put the leeks in with mussels or made a coconutty leek curry also. And this is just using the ingredients that I know she has from her shops, let alone all the extras! I just don’t get it.
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