Jack Monroe #109 Jack Monroe’s network bandwidth is low

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Emmapism

Emmapism

As someone who exists almost entirely on Twitter (like some kind of nightmarish version of Tron).....this will likely be the best thing to happen to Jack in a long long time. And that's really sad.

Not gonna judge lovely Dawn for not knowing any better.
 
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Switchstreetz

Switchstreetz

bazzam said:
Steve Coogan could play her as well.
Click to expand...
^ This is the only casting i will accept. 😄

Super quick list ive quickly compiled of what's gone down in the last 50 pages if anyone wants a refresher in time for them writing up next thread's recap.

So far Jack has:
- Buried the chaos of her nasty weekend spree on twitter by briefly pulling out some google translate Swedish

- "This is my 55 inch tv it just rests on the fireplace where it could fall and hurt someone tee hee aren't i quirky" ignore the picture hook on the wall, im sure jack would NEVER stage a photo for attention on twitter...

- Span her wheel of excuses for owning an expensive thing. The TV was from a charity shop an extra delivered by mistake found in a puddle sold to her by her parents. I know some of us just need "it fell out the sky and into my lap" to get a full house on jack bingo

- Never mind, she's picking up where she left off and trying to reignite fights on twitter

- A brave squiggle clapped back and left JM speechless, they briefly joined tattle for a victory lap (we applaud you funkyraspberry) but returned to the depths of twitter

- General squiggle dissent is on the rise as the holes in jacks narrative are being questioned more and more

- Thriftyshadesofbeige.com has vanished....hope no one was looking forward to their postcards

- BB was blamed for breaking the garden hose. The first process of buying a new tube was too complicated for these FEMALES so jack called her dad and declared it feminism

- We learned there is actually one thing on this earth that can part jack monroe from twitter, and its being asked to get involved in charity with no financial gain for herself

- She replied "Let's get balls deep in a coliseum" (not a direct quote) or something, the gist was "DM me and stop publicly asking me to help so i can ignore you"

- She made a twitter poll "if i could only write about one which should it be: poverty or food?" sadly "the truth" was not an option. The compliments came flooding in as she expected.

- Jack claims that Eamonn Holmes praised her 'specific' skillset. We do not know how hard he was laughing when he said this.

- the colouring pencils were back out. Did you know you can put your chickpea curry in a slow cooker for even less texture!

- Dawn French replied to her boring scone tweet. Blue tick arse kissing Jack made an appearance.
 
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L

Lastoftheflumps

TurnedUpInTipp said:
Is this how colourblind people live?
If you google Chana Masala then look at this you'll know what I mean.
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No :)

My mum is colour blind and so is my brother and they honestly don’t cook brown slop

It’s shades people who are colour blind struggle with. My brother sees purple as blue and my mum struggles to tell olives from browns (and much more). I don’t understand it as I’m not colourblind but I know enough. If you are colourblind certain shades will look like other colours and some will merge into one another.

My kitchen is grey. My mum thought it was pink. And before my gran died my mum painted her hall thinking it was magnolia. It was white with a hint of green.

We have some very interesting conversations. Last week my mum was giving me back trainers I left at her house and I asked her to describe the colour of them.

We eventually got there :)
 
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Lanie

Lanie

Didn't she drink at the Groucho and she's getting star struck over a tweet. Some perspective please?!
 
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SweetTransvestite

SweetTransvestite

Switchstreetz said:
Her mystery gig, its.........the UK post lockdown tier announcement, delivered as a jaunty musical number with celebrity cameos.

Jacob Rees Mogg is very tall
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OMG, Yes!
According to 'Giles & his wife, Maaaaaaaary' JRM is about 6ft 5in* laid horizontally

*(they didn't specify to decimal places)
 
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M

MooBelle

OK Coven, listen up, this is boring but important.
Earlier convo on here about Furlough led me to get in contact to some contacts who work in the Civil service.
(this is the short version)

Anyone who has applied for UC, Furlough, Self Emp grant or "help out to eat out' will be double, tripled checked once life returns to 'normal'
DWP/HMRC have taken on thousands of new staff. They will for now be processing UC claims etc however they will eventually be moved to 'Compliance' which is basically fraud department.
If anyone has claimed anything fraudulently then they will be found out.
 
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funkyraspberry

funkyraspberry

I'm back because she never replied to me - nor did she block me, but blocked the people who voiced similar opinions beneath my original tweets. It's clear I'm too powerful.

Also would just like to repeat... what a tit.
 
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