Anyone else hate that? You have someone crap all over you then another person preaches that you're choosing to let it upset you. It's really not that easy /rant
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Yeah that’s not how it works.
I'm afraid I have to disagree with you. Everybody is different in how they handle things in life granted but there is only you that can change that. I have my own personal take on things given that I have had some horrifying things happen to me in my life including almost losing my life not once but twice in the last 7 years. These sobering events have served to make me realise that life really is too short to care what anybody else says or does. I just eliminate any toxic individuals from my life now no matter who they are. We choose what we allow to affect us like it or not.
Everyone deals with things differently not only because they choose to, but because people have different coping mechanisms based on their previous experience and, importantly, how strong is their character. While you might argue that it’s up to them to strengthen their psyche, it’s often out of their control due to genetic predispositions. It’s not fair to mistreat people who are weaker and then blame them for being sad about it, (not saying that you do that), some things are easy to ignore, if you’re a confident and integral person, but not everyone is there yet, some are on their way of battling insecurities and while we’re not responsible for their reaction, it helps to be nice, rather than mean. Insecurities are much more common and again, it’s not as easy to get rid of as it seems to those who are confident, strong.
(Before you come at me with “world’s not fair deal with it”, I believe that exactly because it’s not, we’re solely responsible for changing it one action at a time, rather than contribute to unfairness).
Another issue is privilege. There are plenty of underprivileged people, for whom failing or being mistreated is a massive issue and actually impacts their life. We can’t blame them for getting upset about for example being turned down a job due to their looks. People have the right to be upset by things and words they’re told, both by their loved ones (it’s your choice to isolate anyone who says anything upsetting to you, but others may want to be surrounded by their loved ones and do not take such a borderline approach as to cut a person off forever), and by people who can actually influence their life such as a mean boss, a racist teacher etc.
I understand where you’re coming from with the near death experience, I’ve gone through a stroke and am still recovering, which obviously came with consequences and in certain ways I am not as strong as I used to be yet. That takes to your confidence, especially if people around you comment on your inability to perform, but you can’t get rid of them because you need to be helped recovering. Yes, life’s too short to be upset about things, but people have different values and for some social are more important than personal.
Lastly, being upset by someone and being offended are different things. Being upset by realizing that someone doesn’t respect/ value/ love you, is adequate. It’s not shameful to feel sadness and want to work through it. On the other hand, being offended is an actual choice because it comes from the feeling that someone owes you something. We choose to be offended, and we choose not to. When ones offended, we expect that the person we blame would come and apologize, so something for us to make up, repent etc. but really, that’s just being entitled more than being sincerely upset that someone mistreated us. I might have repeated myself and overexplained a lot but I won’t apologize because I’m dealing with brain injury and English is my third language out of four so I’m doing well enough at this stage.
Hope you all have a good day and no one upsets you
(Before you come at me with “world’s not fair deal with it”, I believe that exactly because it’s not, we’re solely responsible for changing it one action at a time, rather than contribute to unfairness).
Another issue is privilege. There are plenty of underprivileged people, for whom failing or being mistreated is a massive issue and actually impacts their life. We can’t blame them for getting upset about for example being turned down a job due to their looks. People have the right to be upset by things and words they’re told, both by their loved ones (it’s your choice to isolate anyone who says anything upsetting to you, but others may want to be surrounded by their loved ones and do not take such a borderline approach as to cut a person off forever), and by people who can actually influence their life such as a mean boss, a racist teacher etc.
I understand where you’re coming from with the near death experience, I’ve gone through a stroke and am still recovering, which obviously came with consequences and in certain ways I am not as strong as I used to be yet. That takes to your confidence, especially if people around you comment on your inability to perform, but you can’t get rid of them because you need to be helped recovering. Yes, life’s too short to be upset about things, but people have different values and for some social are more important than personal.
Lastly, being upset by someone and being offended are different things. Being upset by realizing that someone doesn’t respect/ value/ love you, is adequate. It’s not shameful to feel sadness and want to work through it. On the other hand, being offended is an actual choice because it comes from the feeling that someone owes you something. We choose to be offended, and we choose not to. When ones offended, we expect that the person we blame would come and apologize, so something for us to make up, repent etc. but really, that’s just being entitled more than being sincerely upset that someone mistreated us. I might have repeated myself and overexplained a lot but I won’t apologize because I’m dealing with brain injury and English is my third language out of four so I’m doing well enough at this stage.
Hope you all have a good day and no one upsets you