We are picking apart someone who cannot change. Just cannot. Its in her makeup. Same as me and there has to be other people on this who can sympathise. I cannot control how i react to things no matter how hard I try. In an arguement or a situation where i am not the one in the wrong I will always become the bag guy because I let my reactions become the sole focus rather than the problem, and those people who where in the wrong get to sit back and look angelic because i am a hot head. Its very hard to change every single thing about yourself in the space of a few months. L doesnt know who she is and if shes reading here all she is seeing is people tearing her apart because of something she cant change. It might be easy for some people to keep their mouth shut and let the storm pass but for others its an impulse to react. As for the " suddenly I see I am the victim in this journey of sobriety" i dont buy it. J was a good friend and u absolutely cannot deny that. But someone made the point of how you can overlook things while preparing for the nxt drink. You do tend to put up with it just so you wont b alone. I feel they where in a co dependent friendship. There was love and hate but both needed each other throughout the years. I can see L"s side and her way of thinking so clearly thats why I feel sorry for her and stick up for her. Us chaotics do try to change but a lot of our actions get misconstrued because of previous behaviour and its extremely frustrating. Damned if you do damned if you dont. I feel sorry for J too but shes more grounded with a better support system she will be fine in every way.