It Galz #7 Lindsay spills the tea, is Jenny a rat? Two girls in a spat

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We are picking apart someone who cannot change. Just cannot. Its in her makeup. Same as me and there has to be other people on this who can sympathise. I cannot control how i react to things no matter how hard I try. In an arguement or a situation where i am not the one in the wrong I will always become the bag guy because I let my reactions become the sole focus rather than the problem, and those people who where in the wrong get to sit back and look angelic because i am a hot head. Its very hard to change every single thing about yourself in the space of a few months. L doesnt know who she is and if shes reading here all she is seeing is people tearing her apart because of something she cant change. It might be easy for some people to keep their mouth shut and let the storm pass but for others its an impulse to react. As for the " suddenly I see I am the victim in this journey of sobriety" i dont buy it. J was a good friend and u absolutely cannot deny that. But someone made the point of how you can overlook things while preparing for the nxt drink. You do tend to put up with it just so you wont b alone. I feel they where in a co dependent friendship. There was love and hate but both needed each other throughout the years. I can see L"s side and her way of thinking so clearly thats why I feel sorry for her and stick up for her. Us chaotics do try to change but a lot of our actions get misconstrued because of previous behaviour and its extremely frustrating. Damned if you do damned if you dont. I feel sorry for J too but shes more grounded with a better support system she will be fine in every way.
 
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We are picking apart someone who cannot change. Just cannot. Its in her makeup. Same as me and there has to be other people on this who can sympathise. I cannot control how i react to things no matter how hard I try. In an arguement or a situation where i am not the one in the wrong I will always become the bag guy because I let my reactions become the sole focus rather than the problem, and those people who where in the wrong get to sit back and look angelic because i am a hot head. Its very hard to change every single thing about yourself in the space of a few months. L doesnt know who she is and if shes reading here all she is seeing is people tearing her apart because of something she cant change. It might be easy for some people to keep their mouth shut and let the storm pass but for others its an impulse to react. As for the " suddenly I see I am the victim in this journey of sobriety" i dont buy it. J was a good friend and u absolutely cannot deny that. But someone made the point of how you can overlook things while preparing for the nxt drink. You do tend to put up with it just so you wont b alone. I feel they where in a co dependent friendship. There was love and hate but both needed each other throughout the years. I can see L"s side and her way of thinking so clearly thats why I feel sorry for her and stick up for her. Us chaotics do try to change but a lot of our actions get misconstrued because of previous behaviour and its extremely frustrating. Damned if you do damned if you dont. I feel sorry for J too but shes more grounded with a better support system she will be fine in every way.
I don’t think anyone here is actively tearing L down. L also actively states she is not chaotic and has repeatedly said that none of her recent behaviour is chaotic so that differentiates her from you. You have sympathy because you say she’s a chaotic personality type but she would be quick to say she’s not that personality type.
 
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There is a whole field for this.. its called psychology 😂 yes L is very “chaotic” aka neurotic but sometimes you have confirm your behaviour. Not talking specifically about L, just irks me when people say they cannot change when we literally have a discipline to confront certain behaviours
 
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We can all change how we react to things. Perhaps some of us need to make a conscious effort to do so/ understand why we do things but it’s just part of maturing.
 
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We are picking apart someone who cannot change. Just cannot. Its in her makeup. Same as me and there has to be other people on this who can sympathise. I cannot control how i react to things no matter how hard I try. In an arguement or a situation where i am not the one in the wrong I will always become the bag guy because I let my reactions become the sole focus rather than the problem, and those people who where in the wrong get to sit back and look angelic because i am a hot head. Its very hard to change every single thing about yourself in the space of a few months. L doesnt know who she is and if shes reading here all she is seeing is people tearing her apart because of something she cant change. It might be easy for some people to keep their mouth shut and let the storm pass but for others its an impulse to react. As for the " suddenly I see I am the victim in this journey of sobriety" i dont buy it. J was a good friend and u absolutely cannot deny that. But someone made the point of how you can overlook things while preparing for the nxt drink. You do tend to put up with it just so you wont b alone. I feel they where in a co dependent friendship. There was love and hate but both needed each other throughout the years. I can see L"s side and her way of thinking so clearly thats why I feel sorry for her and stick up for her. Us chaotics do try to change but a lot of our actions get misconstrued because of previous behaviour and its extremely frustrating. Damned if you do damned if you dont. I feel sorry for J too but shes more grounded with a better support system she will be fine in every way.
That is a load of bullshit. Everyone has the ability to change how they react to things if they have access to the right resources. L 100% could change how she reacts to things but she chooses not to. Is it hard to do? Yes. Does that mean it’s impossible? Absolutely not. (Seriously, look up neuroplasticity…)

But I guess it’s easier to believe you cannot change than actually doing the work to change.
 
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I don’t think anyone here is actively tearing L down. L also actively states she is not chaotic and has repeatedly said that none of her recent behaviour is chaotic so that differentiates her from you. You have sympathy because you say she’s a chaotic personality type but she would be quick to say she’s not that personality type.
But she quite obviously is and her behaviour the last while is solid evidence shes spiralling. And most in here think that despite what she says. She mightnt think it because shes not going out getting wasted every night or bringing her kids on a session but its still obvious she is. Her actions speak louder than her protests. Her impulsiveness is something she will never conquer. Its in you or its not. Im not saying people are actively tearing her down but for some who are not prone to this impulsiveness its easy to say well why doesnt she do this or not do that. Im just trying to explain why she has my sympathy more than J would. Because J will be ok.

That is a load of bullshit. Everyone has the ability to change how they react to things if they have access to the right resources. L 100% could change how she reacts to things but she chooses not to. Is it hard to do? Yes. Does that mean it’s impossible? Absolutely not. (Seriously, look up neuroplasticity…)

But I guess it’s easier to believe you cannot change than actually doing the work to change.
Never said it was impossible. Some people are made to be chaotic some aren't. You cant change who you are at the core. You can work on it and make lifestyle changes and go to therapy. But your just learning to contain the real you. And ive done the work believe me. But sometimes, just sometimes, being the flawed human i am i cave to it. Just have sympathy for the girl is all.
 
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Some people are made to be chaotic some aren't.
[/QUOTE]
As somebody studying psychology this is mindblowing. Why does that field exist so 😂
Back to lurking i go 😴
 
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As someone who works with addicts and people who have had their children removed because they were chaotic, this is absolute bullshit.
People can change, addicts and change and chaotic people can become the most calm mindful people.
Damaging way to think tbh
 
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But she quite obviously is and her behaviour the last while is solid evidence shes spiralling. And most in here think that despite what she says. She mightnt think it because shes not going out getting wasted every night or bringing her kids on a session but its still obvious she is. Her actions speak louder than her protests. Her impulsiveness is something she will never conquer. Its in you or its not. Im not saying people are actively tearing her down but for some who are not prone to this impulsiveness its easy to say well why doesnt she do this or not do that. Im just trying to explain why she has my sympathy more than J would. Because J will be ok.


Never said it was impossible. Some people are made to be chaotic some aren't. You cant change who you are at the core. You can work on it and make lifestyle changes and go to therapy. But your just learning to contain the real you. And ive done the work believe me. But sometimes, just sometimes, being the flawed human i am i cave to it. Just have sympathy for the girl is all.
I agree with a lot of what you say about having compassion for her and that she is struggling, it’s clear she is and I hope she manoeuvres her way through all this with the right support. But yeah, it’s ridiculous to just say “she’s born chaotic and can’t change” - talk about enabling her and removing all responsibility/autonomy from her for her actions. She’s a grown ass woman and like all grown ass women she needs to take responsibility for her actions 😅.

Some people are made to be chaotic some aren't.
As somebody studying psychology this is mindblowing. Why does that field exist so 😂
Back to lurking i go 😴
[/QUOTE]
😂
 
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As someone who works with addicts and people who have had their children removed because they were chaotic, this is absolute bullshit.
People can change, addicts and change and chaotic people can become the most calm mindful people.
Damaging way to think tbh
Im not talking about addiction.
 
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But she quite obviously is and her behaviour the last while is solid evidence shes spiralling. And most in here think that despite what she says. She mightnt think it because shes not going out getting wasted every night or bringing her kids on a session but its still obvious she is. Her actions speak louder than her protests. Her impulsiveness is something she will never conquer. Its in you or its not. Im not saying people are actively tearing her down but for some who are not prone to this impulsiveness its easy to say well why doesnt she do this or not do that. Im just trying to explain why she has my sympathy more than J would. Because J will be ok.


Never said it was impossible. Some people are made to be chaotic some aren't. You cant change who you are at the core. You can work on it and make lifestyle changes and go to therapy. But your just learning to contain the real you. And ive done the work believe me. But sometimes, just sometimes, being the flawed human i am i cave to it. Just have sympathy for the girl is all.
You may not have used the word ‘impossible’ but that is more/less what you’re implying by saying ‘Her impulsiveness is something she will never conquer. Its in you or its not…You cant change who you are at the core.’
I agree she might not ever conquer her impulsiveness but that’s not because she can’t, it’s because she won’t.
You’re applying your own subjective personal experience which is contrary to science/medicine/psychology.
 
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Some people are made to be chaotic some aren't.
As somebody studying psychology this is mindblowing. Why does that field exist so 😂
Back to lurking i go
Because your job is to get to the root of that chaos. Im sure not everyone fits the same cookie cutter mould of treatment. So yes there are people who are just born chaotic. Same as there are people who are super organised in every aspect of their lives.

You may not have used the word ‘impossible’ but that is more/less what you’re implying by saying ‘Her impulsiveness is something she will never conquer. Its in you or its not…You cant change who you are at the core.’
I agree she might not ever conquer her impulsiveness but that’s not because she can’t, it’s because she won’t.
You’re applying your own subjective personal experience which is contrary to science/medicine/psychology.
Im giving my insight from my point of view. As are we all. I am simply stating someone who doesnt have an impulsive side or prone to irrational behaviour might not understand how its not that simple to just change. And even if L does get help or goes to CBT she will learn to control it but underneath its always going to be there. I am not disputing people can change someone even brought addicts into the mix here for duck sake. I do know anyone can change as long as there is no undiagnosed mental health issue
 
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ive just typed up a long answer about psychology, especially about the big 5 personality traits and then realised its completely pointless😂 if somebody is interested give it a google. Im not gonna be spamming the thread with boring psychology stuff 😂 lets just say some things are harder for others but we never use that as an excuse, we give many tools to help people on individual basis and its up the professional to recognise that. And no cbt will not work for everyone, its one of those things that got popular but things are usually way more complex than that.
 
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Bottom line is that Lindsay obliterated her friend with lies and then revealed that, on her own, she herself is a melt.
 
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