Is this gaslighting

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Hello.

I have heard the term "gaslighting" used before and I am wondering if I am being "gaslit".

I was dating a guy for a bit. And after a date (we had been on a few before then) he fell off the radar for over a month in October until just recently. Like, he didn't even seem to be online even when I sent him a Whatsapp text message let alone read or responded.

He came back a few weeks ago and yesterday I mentioned that it hurt me when he stopped responding to my messages, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue seeing him because I don't want to date someone who disappears for weeks on end without any sort of explanation.

Instead of acknowledging it, he called me a liar. He said how did we go on a date if he was ignoring me (we did go on a date in early October, but about a week after he disappeared). He said I was accusing him of rubbish and he was tired of me always accusing him of something.

I don't know why he called me a liar. It was pretty obvious he disappeared. I was so frustrated with him calling me a liar I screenshotted the last whatsapp that was sent with the date, and then when he reappeared / responded and sent it to him. Maybe I am being overly strange I don't know, I just didn't want to be called a liar.

He then said it was very strange and stalkerish behaviour, and that after me accusing him of things he did not do, he no longer wanted to date me anymore. He said he'd look for others who didn't constantly accuse him of sh*t. He said I was monitoring him and it was "f'ed up behaviour". I wasn't monitoring him, but when someone you are dating disappears for a long time, you kind of notice you know. It took all of two seconds to see when the last reply was.

Is this gaslighting? I am not sure what to do. I blocked him but everything is now making me doubt myself.
 
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Hello.

I have heard the term "gaslighting" used before and I am wondering if I am being "gaslit".

I was dating a guy for a bit. And after a date (we had been on a few before then) he fell off the radar for over a month in October until just recently. Like, he didn't even seem to be online even when I sent him a Whatsapp text message let alone read or responded.

He came back a few weeks ago and yesterday I mentioned that it hurt me when he stopped responding to my messages, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue seeing him because I don't want to date someone who disappears for weeks on end without any sort of explanation.

Instead of acknowledging it, he called me a liar. He said how did we go on a date if he was ignoring me (we did go on a date in early October, but about a week after he disappeared). He said I was accusing him of rubbish and he was tired of me always accusing him of something.

I don't know why he called me a liar. It was pretty obvious he disappeared. I was so frustrated with him calling me a liar I screenshotted the last whatsapp that was sent with the date, and then when he reappeared / responded and sent it to him. Maybe I am being overly strange I don't know, I just didn't want to be called a liar.

He then said it was very strange and stalkerish behaviour, and that after me accusing him of things he did not do, he no longer wanted to date me anymore. He said he'd look for others who didn't constantly accuse him of sh*t. He said I was monitoring him and it was "f'ed up behaviour". I wasn't monitoring him, but when someone you are dating disappears for a long time, you kind of notice you know. It took all of two seconds to see when the last reply was.

Is this gaslighting? I am not sure what to do. I blocked him but everything is now making me doubt myself.
hes a twit. Yes, this is classic gaslighting. Block him, delete his messages, never contact him ever again, never see him again, he’s bad news.
 
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hes a twit. Yes, this is classic gaslighting. Block him, delete his messages, never contact him ever again, never see him again, he’s bad news.
Thank you. I have been so exhausted thinking I was in the wrong I just needed some sort of outside confirmation. I met him on a dating site and when he disappeared I checked in to it again (partly because I didn't know if he would come back, partly because I admit, I wondered if he was still active). He was online a few times I noticed. I brought that up with him as well when he talked to me again and he said he hadn't been online in months. He was online as we were talking and I said. And then he said I had accused him of using it so he logged in to check what all the fuss was about.
 
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Yes absolutely gaslighting, please don’t doubt yourself either x
Thank you. I really try not to but you know when you go over the same thing in your head. Like when he says "I want to find someone who doesb't constantly accuse me of things" and so I think "am I being too sensitive? Does it matter? Do other people get upset about this or just me?" x
 
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Thank you. I really try not to but you know when you go over the same thing in your head. Like when he says "I want to find someone who doesb't constantly accuse me of things" and so I think "am I being too sensitive? Does it matter? Do other people get upset about this or just me?" x
He's trying to make you feel bad for nothing. I wouldn't know what it's like to date, I've been with true same girl for over ten years straight and she was my first girlfriend. From what I've seen from my friends, it's gaslighting, they take the heat from themselves by projecting it onto others.
 
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He's trying to make you feel bad for nothing. I wouldn't know what it's like to date, I've been with true same girl for over ten years straight and she was my first girlfriend. From what I've seen from my friends, it's gaslighting, they take the heat from themselves by projecting it onto others.
Yes, like they cannot acknowledge if they have hurt someone and instead they respond by attacking the other person. It just means that there are so many issues that are left unaddressed and in the end you're scared to say something in case as you know they will twist it and put the blame back on you.

Your relationship sounds lovely. My best friend married her first boyfriend in August of this year :).
 
Thank you. I really try not to but you know when you go over the same thing in your head. Like when he says "I want to find someone who doesb't constantly accuse me of things" and so I think "am I being too sensitive? Does it matter? Do other people get upset about this or just me?" x
It’s not ‘accusing’ when it’s true! Ugh, what a knob. Sorry you had to experience that. Also saying it’s stalky is the oldest trick in the book tbh - anyone with half a brain cell would notice someone disappearing. Definitely a lucky escape for you.
 
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It’s not ‘accusing’ when it’s true! Ugh, what a knob. Sorry you had to experience that. Also saying it’s stalky is the oldest trick in the book tbh - anyone with half a brain cell would notice someone disappearing. Definitely a lucky escape for you.
Thank you. I find that when you question someone, if they know they're wrong they say "you're crazy / a stalker / a psycho" etc. Why even lie about disappearing when you mainly communicate through whatsapp / social media too. It's so easy to disprove.

He always swears too. In the conversation there were lots of "f offs and f yous". I know some people are more relaxed with swearing etc, but during an argument it seems so aggressive to swear at someone.
 
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What a dick. Cut him loose and move on to someone far more deserving. Imagine how exhausting it would be, being with someone like him?

It absolutely is gaslighting. Any behaviour that makes you question your sanity is basically that.
 
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You sound lovely and so genuine. He sounds like a lying, cheating, sleazy control freak! Please believe you deserve better and forget him and move on
 
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YES! That IS gaslighting! Sounds weird but I remember you from the post about your friend owing you money, from what I’ve gathered you’re a really nice person 💕

but this guy massively gaslit you! Sounds like a right dick
 
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YES! That IS gaslighting! Sounds weird but I remember you from the post about your friend owing you money, from what I’ve gathered you’re a really nice person 💕

but this guy massively gaslit you! Sounds like a right dick
Thank you, that was me on the other thread yes :).

I do try (to be nice that is). That's why I was so hurt by all the gaslighting stuff as I kept thinking 'what could I do better?'
 
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Wow, if that had been me I would have sent him a polite reply explaining how much of a twit he is.
Who does he actually think he is, he sounds like a lunatic, I think you’ve had a very lucky escape there.
 
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Thank you, that was me on the other thread yes :).

I do try (to be nice that is). That's why I was so hurt by all the gaslighting stuff as I kept thinking 'what could I do better?'
No, no, no please don't blame yourself! That's what people like him do! They play with your head and emotions so you start doubting yourself and make you think you're in the wrong. Nothing is your fault and you couldn't do anything better or different - its all down to him playing a game.
 
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No, no, no please don't blame yourself! That's what people like him do! They play with your head and emotions so you start doubting yourself and make you think you're in the wrong. Nothing is your fault and you couldn't do anything better or different - its all down to him playing a game.
Thank you for your kind words :). I hope that I did the right thing. He sent me something boasting about his Tinder matches and I said that was hurtful since we had gone on a date. Then he said "it was a JOKE" and that I was being overbearing and too much and then went offline for a week or so.

During the conversation I mentioned in the original post he said "f you" and that I was an "f'ing liar" that I was stupid and selfish. He said I was stupid because if I thought badly of him all along why am I still there. I said it was hurtful to use that language and he said "sorry if you are hurt but I stand by what I say".

Then I started doubting myself. Maybe I'm an idiot for keeping him in my life before when there were things that made me unhappy. But I thought if I brought it up with him things would work out, instead of him getting annoyed and calling me stupid. It's such a mess.