Is this cheating?

[Angelchops]

Am I overreacting by wanting to end my 10 year relationship with a man who has been seeing strippers, having FaceTime sex, webcam girls and content from only fans girls? This is from a man who would tell me he didn’t even masturbate even though I’d tell him I would! He has done it our whole relationship, pre and post marriage. What baffles me is that I enjoy sex a lot but what I now know he would get out of bed to pleasure himself instead of intimacy with me. That hurts. Am I overreacting? How would you feel? He only came clean because I caught him. There’s also social media accounts etc.. help. I don’t want to lose my mind.

It’s absolutely cheating and tbh who knows what else might come to light if you carry on digging. I’d strongly recommend counselling in order to process everything as I can imagine you now feel your entire relationship has been based on lies. Do you think he’s had actual sex/intimacy with others during your relationship? Even if he says no, he’s lied to you for years so the trust is gone. You need to protect yourself first and foremost. I saw a counsellor years ago when I found out my then husband was having an affair and I always remember her saying ‘ignore the words he is saying, his actions are telling how he feels and what he wants’. I’m a counsellor myself now and I am always saying the same to my clients. Ignore the words and look at the actions. You’ve got this.

 

[girlinbrum]

Are you overreacting? No.
Is he a wank? Yes.

 

[Clickbait]

Are your needs being met in this relationship? Clearly sexually they don’t seem to be, emotionally I would suggest not. Mentally you’re struggling too. What is it you are getting from it? People often fear the end of something that in reality ended a long time before.

I ended up in a completely sexless, affection-free relationship for years. None of my needs were being met aside from ticking the ‘I have a boyfriend’ box. I can’t even say I wasn’t alone because despite spending time together - he stayed with me 5 nights a week towards the end of the relationship - this was because it made it easier for him to get to work without having to set off much earlier. We did nothing of note together, didn’t spend weekends together, only went on one holiday that I arranged, bought and paid for, had to beg him to come to friend’s weddings (again I paid) and the final straw was him not turning up to my family’s home for Christmas when I eventually pulled the plug.

In the end, I lost nothing from ending it but I gained my life back, happiness, peace of mind, self-esteem and my life almost 7 years on bears no resemblance.

Don’t stay in something thinking it will improve if you are not happy because nothing you have seen so far suggests it will.

 

[Sun8291]

Am I overreacting by wanting to end my 10 year relationship with a man who has been seeing strippers, having FaceTime sex, webcam girls and content from only fans girls? This is from a man who would tell me he didn’t even masturbate even though I’d tell him I would! He has done it our whole relationship, pre and post marriage. What baffles me is that I enjoy sex a lot but what I now know he would get out of bed to pleasure himself instead of intimacy with me. That hurts. Am I overreacting? How would you feel? He only came clean because I caught him. There’s also social media accounts etc.. help. I don’t want to lose my mind.

Im sorry for the situation you find yourself in but at least you know and can decide how to move forward

Id say this is a degenerate escalating how long will he be satisfied doing online stuff eventually it won’t hit the same if it’s an addiction

Women don’t need to accept being with men with these types of degenerate habits buying sexual content / engagement from other women so don’t feel like it’s crazy to not be ok with this

Difficult decision after 10 years but think of yourself first don’t waste years being unhappy hope it works out the best for you

 

[needmorecoffee]

Am I overreacting by wanting to end my 10 year relationship with a man who has been seeing strippers, having FaceTime sex, webcam girls and content from only fans girls? This is from a man who would tell me he didn’t even masturbate even though I’d tell him I would! He has done it our whole relationship, pre and post marriage. What baffles me is that I enjoy sex a lot but what I now know he would get out of bed to pleasure himself instead of intimacy with me. That hurts. Am I overreacting? How would you feel? He only came clean because I caught him. There’s also social media accounts etc.. help. I don’t want to lose my mind.

 

[Angelchops]

Thanks for the validation. I don’t think (!!) he’s done anything physical… other than strip clubs. There was a girl he had blocked on Instagram who he claimed he had no idea about. I messaged her and she denied knowing him, and he also messaged her but she’s not replied. He is adamant he doesn’t know why she’s blocked…

do you mind me asking what happened to your marriage, did you leave him? X

Yes, I divorced him.

 

[Witch]

If he is having to hide all this from you then it is 100% cheating!

If its been going on for years then he may have developed an addiction to it.

You just need to think if the relationship is worth saving

 

[Blueisthecolour]

If your boundary’s have been crossed then it’s not acceptable.
personally I would say it is cheating.

 

[Alliander]

If not physically cheating, it is sleazy behavior at the very least!

 

[needmorecoffee]

Are you overreacting? No.
Is he a wank? Yes.

Thank you, he is definitely a wank!!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I don’t know if I would call this cheating. People have differeing needs and even though you have been together 10 years there might be some shame about it which is why it is hidden.

The big question is I think whether he has an addiction and if you could live with him having some of his physical needs met privately (and I don’t mean with phsycial women but webcam etc)

Is your relationship otherwise healthy? Are you in general happy? If so maybe get some councelling together and set some boundaries about what he can and can’t do without you sexually.
Just remember for men this is purely physical and not emotional.

 

[needmorecoffee]

It’s absolutely cheating and tbh who knows what else might come to light if you carry on digging. I’d strongly recommend counselling in order to process everything as I can imagine you now feel your entire relationship has been based on lies. Do you think he’s had actual sex/intimacy with others during your relationship? Even if he says no, he’s lied to you for years so the trust is gone. You need to protect yourself first and foremost. I saw a counsellor years ago when I found out my then husband was having an affair and I always remember her saying ‘ignore the words he is saying, his actions are telling how he feels and what he wants’. I’m a counsellor myself now and I am always saying the same to my clients. Ignore the words and look at the actions. You’ve got this.

Thanks for the validation. I don’t think (!!) he’s done anything physical… other than strip clubs. There was a girl he had blocked on Instagram who he claimed he had no idea about. I messaged her and she denied knowing him, and he also messaged her but she’s not replied. He is adamant he doesn’t know why she’s blocked…

do you mind me asking what happened to your marriage, did you leave him? X