Is my friend the “one that got away”

[Calmyourtitsdown]

It’s been over year. And I can honestly say, a day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought about him.
I had a ‘friend’, that though outwardly, nothing really ever happened apart from the odd ‘moment’ and being a little too tactile with one another, there was without out any doubt, another level to our relationship.
It came down crashingly last summer, when we had the fall out of all fall outs, as he had hung me out to dry, when I reached out for support. (I had a break down last year, and was very poorly, I realise that now).
Circumstance, lead me to me having to let him go. And over the year that’s past, we’ve only had a little bit of contact. (When I reached out for support work wise).
Anyway, I’ve come to realise, that I don’t think I will ever fully ‘get over’ him or what happened. That I have changed as a result of my illness, and the betrayal I felt as a result of his actions (or lack of)
I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve, then to ask if anyone had ever felt like this too?
It kills me, how much I still miss him after all this time. I KNOW he’s TOTGA. Is that something, you ever move on from?

 

[judgejohndeed]

Have you actually spoken to him about this? Maybe he misses you too? I would message him. Life’s too short and what do you have to lose if you don’t speak much now anyway

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I totally understand how are you feeling, it’s such a tough situation to be in. That being said, are you sure you want to be with someone who abandoned you when you were unwell and needed him most?

 

[Calmyourtitsdown]

Have you actually spoken to him about this? Maybe he misses you too? I would message him. Life’s too short and what do you have to lose if you don’t speak much now anyway

I haven’t told him I miss him, or brought up anything with regards to what happened between us.
I acknowledged we needs space, and only reached out in a work capacity. When I hinted about us, he totally dodged talk about that subject.
It felt like he had moved on, (or at least didn’t want to talk about it) that was 6 months ago now.
Regardless of everything else, I miss this friendship more than anything.

I totally understand how are you feeling, it’s such a tough situation to be in. That being said, are you sure you want to be with someone who abandoned you when you were unwell and needed him most?

I know what you’re saying… I’ve asked myself this many times too. That’s why it hurt so much, it felt at the time like he was so hell bent on his own boundaries, that he couldn’t see it for what it was… me simply looking for someone (who said they were my friend and would support me) to be there for me.
I’ve lost count how many times I tried to explain this to him
I’ve never stopped blaming myself. Not that it’s an excuse, but my illness made me very difficult to be around. I know I gave him a hard time, and pushed him away when I needed him most.
It’s one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I know what you’re saying… I’ve asked myself this many times too. That’s why it hurt so much, it felt at the time like he was so hell bent on his own boundaries, that he couldn’t see it for what it was… me simply looking for someone (who said they were my friend and would support me) to be there for me.
I’ve lost count how many times I tried to explain this to him
I’ve never stopped blaming myself. Not that it’s an excuse, but my illness made me very difficult to be around. I know I gave him a hard time, and pushed him away when I needed him most.
It’s one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault at all. You can’t help your feelings. But again, I’m not sure you want to be with a person who can’t take you the way you are, no matter whether it’s difficult or not. You deserve someone who would be by your side through hard times. Sending you much love

 

[Suzesnooze]

I think I remember your post on here about it?

When something like this happens, you keep thinking about it because you never get closure.

I've had it happen to me and many of my friends have too.

 

[Oohthedrama]

When I hinted about us, he totally dodged talk about that subject.
It felt like he had moved on, (or at least didn’t want to talk about it) that was 6 months ago now.
Regardless of everything else, I miss this friendship more than anything.

I hate to say this, but he’s moved on, you’ve both changed, or your relationship has at least, maybe he was the one that wasn’t to be, no the one that got away,

 

[Calmyourtitsdown]

I think I remember your post on here about it?

When something like this happens, you keep thinking about it because you never get closure.

I've had it happen to me and many of my friends have too.

Yes you may well have. I’ve worked really hard on my own growth, and getting past my illness. With the one year anniversary, of him leaving recently, it’s harshly put into prospective that though I have tried to work on myself, I still feel the weight of that loss. I wish with all my might, I didn’t.
But seeing as it’s been so long, and I still feel this way, I accept that I think a part of me always will.

 

[Suzesnooze]

Yes you may well have. I’ve worked really hard on my own growth, and getting past my illness. With the one year anniversary, of him leaving recently, it’s harshly put into prospective that though I have tried to work on myself, I still feel the weight of that loss. I wish with all my might, I didn’t.
But seeing as it’s been so long, and I still feel this way, I accept that I think a part of me always will.

As I say...it's when you don't get proper closure. It makes you continue to think about things and dwell on it.

 

[Calmyourtitsdown]

I hate to say this, but he’s moved on, you’ve both changed, or your relationship has at least, maybe he was the one that wasn’t to be, no the one that got away,

You are right. I think he moved on the second he left. That only adds to the pain for me though, as I have to accept that though my feeling towards him were genuine, his were just a big act.
But you are right.
I just want the reassurance, that I’m not the only one who’s fallen for a lie.

 

[Oohthedrama]

You are right. I think he moved on the second he left. That only adds to the pain for me though, as I have to accept that though my feeling towards him were genuine, his were just a big act.
But you are right.
I just want the reassurance, that I’m not the only one who’s fallen for a lie.

without knowing what you fell out over and how bad the argument was,
it’s hard to know if this is true, you admit you were very difficult back then, he’s human, it’s possible it was too much for him especially so early on and he made the best choice for himself, maybe neither of you are in the wrong, you’re just not right for each other.

 

[Calmyourtitsdown]

Sorry for my late response, incase you didn’t guess, I’d had a bit of wine last night and after a rocky week with PMT, I was feeling a little sorry for myself.

Without going into the gory details, our big fall out/argument was when I confronted him about how he had reacted when I reached out to him in crisis.

The weeks and months that followed, we went over it many times, but never got past the impasse. We did get back onto more civil terms, but never officially ‘made up’.

We were friends for two years, which I know isn’t really long, but long enough. We were in each other’s pockets for those two years, two peas in a pod. Or at least it felt like that, to me.

Since it’s been over, I’ve tried to commit myself to looking at the actions (or lack there of).

Thank you to all who’ve responded, I feel desperate sometimes to just get it out, but now I don’t have him in my life, I have no one else to turn to.