Invited to birthday party but there's a catch 🙄

[Giggling Squid]

It sounds to me like she’s very nervous about COVID. I’ve a friend who is similar, she will have people round, but always uses disposable plates and cutlery. We tend to get takeaway when we’re at hers because she’s more comfortable with that than with sharing food/making people bring their own. She also likes people to LFT beforehand.

she’s struggled a lot through lockdowns, and I do t think many people know this- so to them it prob is quite excessive but it’s what she needs to do to make herself feel safe. Perhaps this is a similar situation - or someone she’s invited is nervous or vulnerable so she’s doing this to make sure they’re safe

 

[Meangirl815]

I'm imagining a queue of people all lined up with their cooler boxes of burgers and sausages
Furious at someone who got parked 30 secs before you so are 3 ahead in the queue

Sorry not helpful at all but it has made me laugh

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

I'm imagining a queue of people all lined up with their cooler boxes of burgers and sausages
Furious at someone who got parked 30 secs before you so are 3 ahead in the queue

Sorry not helpful at all but it has made me laugh

I’d bring my own disposable bbq to avoid the queues. I mean I’ve got my own food so I may as well at this point

 

[MaryX82]

Right this is a partial vent/partial am I being a tad precious?

A few weeks back my friend invited me to her bday party. I said great, I'm free and looking forward to it. It's a BBQ at hers so I asked, because this is what you, do you want us to bring.
Now when I'm invited to BBQ etc I of course bring stuff. We actually had a BBQ recently and although our friends brought stuff we wanted to put on a spread for them as they're our guests and we are hosts so didn't assume ppl would bring all the food/drink.

Anyway fast forward to today. I've just received a group message from my friend with a long list of requirements and instructions for the day and it's got my back up and irritated me but I don't know quite why.

Firstly I'm now in a big WhatsApp group with randoms who can see me and my number. I find this intrusive.

Amongst The instructions are very detailed and we've been told if we want food/drink to bring a main, a side and our own drinks.

We've also been instructed that we must take a lateral flow test before we're allowed to attend.

This is where I get irritated, I feel like I'm at school or work! I don't like this idea of being told to do this in a social setting with friends. I'm double jabbed and appreciate the reason but If you're uncomfortable with mixing then don't organise a party during a pandemic, surely.

I know it's common sense BUT maybe it's the way we've been instructed.
If my friend had said in the initial invite I will expect you to take lateral flow test and be up front I'd know where I stand.

It's put me right off! I think it's the forced, most teacher type instructions and expectations that we have to do this.

I know there is logic to the test but I feel it's cheeky and not how you treat adults in a social setting and to tell us to bring a main, side and drinks again.....idk I just wouldn't dream of doing this.
I know ppl would bring stuff but wouldn't instruct them.

Rant over.

Has your friend asked you to bring the charcoal too?Ridiculous person

 

[LucilleP]

I agree that the food thing is very odd to suggest. Fair enough if this was a group decision to host something and everyone wanted to chip in but telling people to essentially provide the catering for her party is taking liberties. I’d never turn up to a party or BBQ empty handed and I’m sure most people are the same so she could have suggested something like a mixer.
I went to a party not long ago which was outdoors. At the time my age bracket hadn’t started the jabs so the host suggested that if anyone wanted to do a lateral flow then it would be appreciated but no pressure if you didn’t want to do one.

 

[Deepsigh2018]

I wouldn't have a problem with taking the lft or bringing a dish but I have been to many parties where we all bring a dish but it is usually decided beforehand who is bringing what so that there isn't multiples of things.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I don’t mind the being a main thing.

 

[lemonlime]

They should just arrange a zoom drinks event and call it a day. I totally understand being cautious or anxious about crowds or Covid but the solution isn't this. Simply don't throw a party? That's what I'd do anyway but if I did decide to have people over, I can't imagine asking them to bring their entire meal with them, that's so odd. If you are the host, then be the host. If you can't afford it or if you don't want to take the responsibility, then don't bother. It's not an obligation. I'm not bothered about the LFT, I don't think it's a bad idea but the food thing is a stretch and having to arrange that for something that isn't mandatory is a faff tbh.

 

[Scorpihoe]

Can’t imagine attending a party and bringing my own food lol…might as well eat my own food at home

 

[glitter tits]

The food thing is strange - if you’re hosting then you provide the food and it’s a bonus if guests bring anything. In my friendship group we naturally take turns hosting things so it’s just swings and roundabouts.

i do think you’re being unreasonable about the LFT though. I understand you are double jabbed but others might not be (not talking about antivaxxers but younger people who might not have been offered both doses yet) so it’s a bit selfish for you not to do one or to use the fact that you’re double jabbed as a reason not to do one because you could still pass it on. Obviously we haven’t seen the tone of the message the request was made but I do think it’s a totally reasonable request. I’m not very anxious about covid at all but I’d happily do a LFT to try and eliminate the risk of unknowingly passing it on!

 

[CatVonMe]

Like someone mentioned above, if it’s a group decision to have a BBQ and you’re happy to host then yeh, everyone chip in or bring something. But a birthday bbq that you’re inviting everyone too.. hell no.
BYOB is fine because I wouldn’t expect someone else to pick up the tab for my drinking.. by all means hosts could provide a few bottles of beer or Prosecco or something to start but I wouldn’t show up expecting others to supply my alcohol for the night.

 

[Base2019]

I think the lateral flows are a good idea, whether you feel annoyed by her asking or not. We don’t know what other conversations she’s had with others wanting to go e.g maybe there is someone going who, for the first time ever since the pandemic is socialising and they’re understandably very very anxious. We don’t know what other strangers are going through. I know several people with blood cancer atm and to look at them you’d never know. With everybody going having done a neg lateral flow that massively eases someone’s nerves and anxiety.

As for the food instructions - now that’s cheeky the way it has been done! When we host a BBQ we lay it on ourselves and if guests say what shall we bring we usually say just yourself thanks! Or usually a few will insist on bringing something they’ve made to add to the food buffet! Her demands on the food front are a little annoying yes. Digging further though maybe she’s hard up but at the same time desperate to see all of her friends. Is she like this usually?

Just wanted to say thank you for being so compassionate towards others. I think it’s so lovely to see. I’m only starting to socialise again after having treatment during lockdown and it’s so nice to see that some lovely people do understand and like you say about your friends, to look at them you would never know! People say the same about me. We really never know what others are going through!

OP, you sound like you don’t want to go so I’d just leave it. You sound like your not going to enjoy yourself if you do go so that’s all you need to know.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

OP I would just say thanks for the invite but something has came up and I can't attend. I think the food thing is a bit strange, It would be a no from me. Just seems like so much effort for a bbq.

 

[Kim Mild]

OP I would just say thanks for the invite but something has came up and I can't attend. I think the food thing is a bit strange, It would be a no from me. Just seems like so much effort for a bbq.

Although, it's quite common for people to bring something like a pack of sausages and some buns in case the host isn't very generous with what they have provided. (You can tell we've been to a barbecue where there hasn't been enough for everyone ha )

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Although, it's quite common for people to bring something like a pack of sausages and some buns in case the host isn't very generous with what they have provided. (You can tell we've been to a barbecue where there hasn't been enough for everyone ha )

yeah I would bring some sausages, burger baps or a box of beer but think I would draw the line at a starter, main desert, side and whatever else the OP had said The last BBQ we had my mum messaged me about an hour before asking did we need her to bring anything and I requested could she pick up some paper or plastic plates as we didn't have enough, and some relish, we always make TOO much food and end up eating BBQ food for the next2 days haha.

 

[If you say so...]

@Inforapenny Keep us updated on how the party goes! (if you go) I feel invested now

 

[blossombloss]

Don't go, it seems like you don't want to.

The bringing my own main side etc is enough to make me not want to go!! If you're hosting you gotta host!! If money is tight she could have asked for a kitty to buy stuff, but why on earth am I bringing my own bleeping food for someone else to cook? You could just eat at home! Like you said, you bring stuff when you go but I bring like a fancy extra or a drink, not my meal!

I think the lateral test is fine, but if you don't want to do it, don't go. Just in the same way that if she wants people to attend they have to take the test. I would say it's just for her peace of mind because I know people taking the test who have been getting a negative result but still having covid, but I think it's important to respect people's wishes on these things if they are inviting you to their house. You have the option to not go if you don't want to do these things. In all honesty the food situation is enough to make me not even go!

 

[hiya_hun]

I think the list is cheeky.

If I hosted a bbq I would provide most of the stuff and just say bring anything specific you want for yourself based on either just your own tastes or dietary requirements or whatever.

I think if they’re so worried they are asking you to do a lateral flow then they probably shouldn’t be hosting a get together - especially with people that don’t all know eachother anyway.

Maybe just say a day or two before you’ve had a notification to isolate

 

[Facehugger]

I think it's more the fact you've been TOLD you've got to do a LFT if you want to attend & like you say, in a social setting with people you don't know is a bit odd. Why can't you do a test at home beforehand & log your result so you get the NHS text you can show her when you get there? I'd not be sticking bloody swabs down my throat poking about & gipping in front of strangers either.

The food thing is ridiculous, if she's having a party she should be catering for you, how rude. Fine to take any extras you want & your drink.

My biggest thing would be the fact she'd given out my number to strangers without my permission. That's not on, I'd be really cross. So all ways round I'd say you need to stop at home and save yourself all the hassle

 

[Blue pumpkin]

I can see the LFT becoming a normal thing for some in terms of managing risks. She may be inviting elderly people or people with existing medical health conditions however that aside, I just can't stand how everything is so overly complicated these days with parties/hen do's/birthdays invites where you get a list of 'instructions' and 'demands' . It's takes the fun out of everything.

The food and drink thing is cheeky though. If people turn up to mine with booze or a box of chocs or krispy cremes then fine but I wouldn't dream of specifically asking them to provide/bring food and drink ...but food especially is a no from me if I'm hosting.
There's always a heightened risk of food poisioning at bbq's so I would be nervous about feeding my guests food that other people have prepared whether its cooked or uncooked. That's a massive alarm bell for me. I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all.

Just tell her you can't make it because you, or someone you live with has symptoms.