Invited to birthday party but there's a catch 🙄

[Alexaj]

The LFT is neither here nor there for me. I'd find it a bit OTT but I suppose you don't know what conversations she's had with other guests...

The food request on the other hand would ensure the BBQ gets a hard 'no.' Completely unreasonable. You host a BBQ, you buy the food. I usually turn up with some cakes or biscuits to be polite, but it's not as prescriptive as 'bring your own main and side.' F that.

 

[Sheabutter]

Agreed, takes the stress off of going. She clearly just wants people to show up and doesn’t want to be bothered with food - you don’t have to shoulder that burden.

I gave this a little more thought and it sounds like something isn’t right in this situation. Maybe check in with her and see if everything’s okay? I would still plan to eat ahead of time but offer to bring brownies (not “that” type!) to mark the occasion that it’s her birthday.

I wouldn’t object to the LFT but it seems like it was more a matter of phrasing. It sounds annoying. If you like her generally I’d reach out to speak to her one on one.

 

[blackmasque]

In regards to the food issue, I saw a lot of articles last summer (I think?) about "how to gather more safely during covid" and the top tips were "stay outside if you can, have your guests bring their own food and utensils, don't let anyone outside of your household use the toilet." Agree or disagree, maybe she found one of those articles and thought it sounded like something she would be more comfortable with?
If you don't want to go then just say you can't make it.

 

[Kofi Annan]

We call that a contribution lunch where I'm from

 

[orla1989]

Very simple I’m no longer available to attend your bday bbq.Exit group chat

Excellent answer!!

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

The LF wouldn't bother me, they have become 2nd nature to me and I would probably do one of my own accord before a gathering anyway.

The food situation is weird though, I was brought up to never attend someone's house empty handed but I would never take my 3 course lunch, just some sides, snacks or a pudding.

The whats app group would possibly me off though!

 

[Tublet83]

Yeah the LFT wouldn’t bother me - more how it’s said though as you.

Never been to a party where I have to take my own food. What’s the point

Also assume as it’s a bbq it’s outside so risk of covid much smaller?

Personally I just wouldn’t go, it’s probably more the tone of the messages that is more annoying than anything!

 

[coconochanel]

So she's hosting a BBQ but has asked the guests to bring a main? So what is she doing then just firing up the BBQ? Personally Ive never been invited to a party and been asked to bring a main thats the hosts job surely.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Right this is a partial vent/partial am I being a tad precious?

A few weeks back my friend invited me to her bday party. I said great, I'm free and looking forward to it. It's a BBQ at hers so I asked, because this is what you, do you want us to bring.
Now when I'm invited to BBQ etc I of course bring stuff. We actually had a BBQ recently and although our friends brought stuff we wanted to put on a spread for them as they're our guests and we are hosts so didn't assume ppl would bring all the food/drink.

Anyway fast forward to today. I've just received a group message from my friend with a long list of requirements and instructions for the day and it's got my back up and irritated me but I don't know quite why.

Firstly I'm now in a big WhatsApp group with randoms who can see me and my number. I find this intrusive.

Amongst The instructions are very detailed and we've been told if we want food/drink to bring a main, a side and our own drinks.

We've also been instructed that we must take a lateral flow test before we're allowed to attend.

This is where I get irritated, I feel like I'm at school or work! I don't like this idea of being told to do this in a social setting with friends. I'm double jabbed and appreciate the reason but If you're uncomfortable with mixing then don't organise a party during a pandemic, surely.

I know it's common sense BUT maybe it's the way we've been instructed.
If my friend had said in the initial invite I will expect you to take lateral flow test and be up front I'd know where I stand.

It's put me right off! I think it's the forced, most teacher type instructions and expectations that we have to do this.

I know there is logic to the test but I feel it's cheeky and not how you treat adults in a social setting and to tell us to bring a main, side and drinks again.....idk I just wouldn't dream of doing this.
I know ppl would bring stuff but wouldn't instruct them.

Rant over.

I was out at the ‘bring your own food’ bit - I’m inviting you to a barbecue, which indicates eating, but if you want to eat you have to bring your own food? And then what, do you all queue up and take your turn to cook your food?

I can see why a buffet style spread isn’t a good idea just now but maybe she should just have outdoor drinks.

If you’re all going to be outside the whole time (which you will be if you’re last in the queue for the bbq! ) I then I don’t see the need for a lateral flow test at all. I can understand it for things like hen nights because catching COVID could ruin the big day. If that was the only thing she was being demanding about I would probably roll my eyes and go with it but the whole thing sounds a bit like a carry on.

I gave this a little more thought and it sounds like something isn’t right in this situation. Maybe check in with her and see if everything’s okay? I would still plan to eat ahead of time but offer to bring brownies (not “that” type!) to mark the occasion that it’s her birthday.

I wouldn’t object to the LFT but it seems like it was more a matter of phrasing. It sounds annoying. If you like her generally I’d reach out to speak to her one on one.

Obviously the OP will know if this is a possibility and I’m maybe doing the friend a disservice but I don’t think unreasonable or demanding behaviour can always be attributed to some sort of mental health issue - apologies if that’s not what you were meaning in your post but some folk are just like that.

 

[Happy35]

The LFT test I think is a bit OTT as I was testing 3times a week and negative but my PCR was positive when I was pinged, so have lost faith in those.

I have been to a bring your own food barbecue and never again, there was never space in the barbecue to cook anything and lots of people were very frustrated. I think if you invite people you should provide at least the mains, we went to a barbecue a few weeks ago food was provided but I like to bake so offered to make a few desserts - I would have taken something anyway so thought this might save her a bit of money and me the hassle of finding something at the supermarket that was different.

 

[bubbadabut]

I wouldn't go. I don't need that hassle in my life. It sounds fun-sapping and micromanaged to the hilt.

 

[standupsitdown]

Nothing wrong with asking for a negative LFT. It’s sensible and logical and I hope becomes the new normal where people are gathering, at least until cases have dropped . I’ve been invited to a wedding and the hotel wants everyone to send a photo of a negative test result on the morning of the reception.

But as for the food and drink - rude! The whole point of hospitality is to give your guests good food and drink, I think us Brits forget that sometimes. My mother just can’t get her head round the fact that sometimes people are asked to bring their own food. Equally she never turns up empty handed, always brings a bottle. Just good etiquette on both parts, guest and host. I’d bring wine, or flowers or an nice pudding just as a gesture of appreciation. Not if I was told to though

 

[bubbadabut]

Also do they want photographic evidence of the negative LFT or are they just going to take people's word for it?

Person on the door be like "I can see a line there hun"

 

[Very traditional]

It's a bit odd. If it's a pre-arranged thing and we decide to have a get together and share out the food duties so one person isn't stuck on organising and preparing everything then that's different but I can't imagine a bring your own bbq at all, and if it's because of Covid then you'd need to bring your own utensils too or one everyone would be handling everything. If I'm hosting I always just say bring a bottle if anyone asks what they can bring as I would rather know I had everything covered then rely on other people who may flake or bring the wrong thing (I am a bit control freak like with food though) Might be worth just asking what's happening, could be she's trying to please everyone/ someone and is having a nightmare and needs a hand.

 

[Alexaj]

We call that a contribution lunch where I'm from

We've always called it a Jacobs Join. Which is fine if it's a buffet and you know from the start what the deal is. Not in this situation though!!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I would now be busy and leave the chat, I don't necessarily think doing a LFT is an issue but frankly if you have issues, don't host a party. But it is more they way she's gone about it. If a friend has concerns, I would expect a conversation about it not a demand.

The food is just rude, I never expect guest to bring anything. Perhaps if they have dietary needs they might or prefer something else to drink but to basically supply the BBQ no. Again, if she has issues about the food and covid, one don't host a party and two explain yourself.

 

[If you say so...]

It sounds like you don’t want to go so Just tell her you’ve done a test and it’s positive so you can’t come.

it sounds like I’m in the minority but I always bring food and drink to a bbq mainly cause so many people are fussy about chicken on the bone so don’t provide it but for me a bbq is only a bbq if there’s a chicken leg on offer

if someone asked me to do a test it wouldn’t bother me but then I’m a people pleaser so if it’s going to make them happy I’d do one.

enjoy yourself if you do end up going!

 

[bellinibobble]

I want to know if everyone is expected to bbq their own food imagine if you were back of the queue with your bangers.. I’d be fuming

 

[Elsass]

I went to an event last week where we’ve all ended up isolating because someone came up positive. I won’t be attending anything else where LFTs aren't mandatory. No they’re not as good as PCR but they do work if they’re used properly.

As others have said, maybe other guests have asked for them for whatever reason. It’s easy to do, and if you feel so strongly, don’t go

 

[Captainmouse]

I want to know if everyone is expected to bbq their own food imagine if you were back of the queue with your bangers.. I’d be fuming

Do you need to bring your own utensils, plates etc?