Inheritance Money - mother recently inherited a substantial amount of money

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I do agree with that but to be fair, she didn’t work for it either.
I’m sorry but that comes across as so bitter! Just be happy for your mum! My mum has struggled her entire life, she is finally comfortable and can treat herself. I don’t sit there and pity myself for not having her money!
 
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I think it’s safe to say that it’s very difficult to get across on here how complicated my relationship with my mum is. Obviously I am happy for her, and as I said she is very entitled to do what ever she wants with the money.

what I was trying to say, without meaning to sound bitter, is that she has never struggled financially, has always bragged about her finances but has been on the receiving end of my panicking about finances time and time again. I’ve never gone to her begging for money. I’ve never asked her for money. I just needed her as a shoulder to cry on.
Now she’s in a fantastic position to be able to help. Not only me and my husband, but her grandkids as well, and she hasn’t. She might do in the future and I will be forever grateful if she chooses to do that.

for now though I’m a little bit annoyed that I haven’t crossed her mind.

Just to clarify I’m not here to piss anyone off with this post. Just wanted to vent a bit, and gain a different perspective. Which I have to be honest, so thank you to all those who have taken time to respond x
 
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It’s such a difficult situation, and I have witnessed both sides. My great grandparents died whilst I was young, and left a substantial amount of money and property to their children and grandchildren (me and my siblings) it was all divided equally into trust funds for us and the older grandchildren also had a property to inherit when they turned 25 or left University (which ever came first). It was all extremely amicable and luckily no one felt left out.

However, whilst I was at University a friend lost an uncle and he left his estate to one sibling and not another - both felt like they were entitled and all these years later they still do not talk.

It is a very hard situation to approach without sounding bitter or jealous, and without potentially ruining your relationship. That being said, if she knows you have struggled financially, it’s in bad taste is she is flaunting it in front of you - intentionally or not.
 
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I understand where u are coming from, I would be upset if that was me, your mum must know that by giving you some money would help you out, so for her not to do so I think is sad.

As a mum the first thing I would have done is helped out my kids weather they needed it or not.

Yes it's her money but it's a windfall, so should be enjoyed by all.
 
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Don't go there. You are an adult. She is under no obligation to help you financially. I understand its tough when you are struggling but it's not up to your mum to bail you out.
 
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I would find that difficult too. She might have some plans for treating you to something but she might not so try not to expect anything. Depending on the relationship you have, you could just ask if she had any plans to help you with it, not that you expect it. It could get awkward though...
 
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Don't go there. You are an adult. She is under no obligation to help you financially. I understand its tough when you are struggling but it's not up to your mum to bail you out.
Wow! Strongly disagree with this, agree she is under no obligation to help, but she's her mum fgs, why wouldn't a mum help her daughter out, especially if she knows her daughter is struggling.

Great example of a very selfish mum right there.

I hope she does the right thing for Christmas and helps her daughter out.
I think if it was me, & my mum didn't help me out, it would change my relationship with her for ever.
 
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Take it from me, money can get in between even the closest of families.

I have a family member who many of us have bailed out in the past. We once leant him a large amount and he went for a meal out that very night. It's been 3 years since he said he would pay us back, never has, but has gone on multiple holidays since. I know we shouldn't do it, but it's hard not to keep tabs on what someone is spending when you've leant them money and they havent returned it.

I'm not saying that you would be wasteful with the money, but bear in mind that your mum might inadvertantly start watching what you're spending if she did give you the money.

I do think it's very insensitive that she's flaunting it in your face. But I agree with most others that it's hers and she should decide what to do with it.

I think if you are struggling financially, it's totally ok to straight up ask her for help. If she says no, then at least you know where you stand. Just be very careful to manage your expectations with the Christmas thing. There's a chance you'll be very disappointed and it could ruin your Christmas. IMO if you need help, there's no shame in asking outright.
 
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Wow! Strongly disagree with this, agree she is under no obligation to help, but she's her mum fgs, why wouldn't a mum help her daughter out, especially if she knows her daughter is struggling.

Great example of a very selfish mum right there.

I hope she does the right thing for Christmas and helps her daughter out.
I think if it was me, & my mum didn't help me out, it would change my relationship with her for ever.
My parents are forever helping my brother out and do you know what....it makes no bloody difference, he still goes out and spends loads of money and ends up in the same position every month! Why should people bail others out? There’s obviously a reason you are struggling but we don’t know the reason....
Credit card debt
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Just not enough money
 
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My parents are forever helping my brother out and do you know what....it makes no bloody difference, he still goes out and spends loads of money and ends up in the same position every month! Why should people bail others out? There’s obviously a reason you are struggling but we don’t know the reason....
Credit card debt
Arrears
Just not enough money
I can understand that, to keep bailing children out, I don't agree with.

But as this is a windfall really and by the sounds of it a large one, the least a mum can do is share it and help out her daughter, I know I would.
 
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Everyone's situation is different. Everyone sees things differently.If you're hard up I can imagine it's hard to see her spending money like it's nothing.

I lost my mum long ago and would do anything to have her back, seeing xmas cards in card shops for 'mum' makes me want to rip them all up!

I wouldn't bring it up though. In fact I would ignore her when she talks about it in case she's trying to wind you up!
 
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My parents are forever helping my brother out and do you know what....it makes no bloody difference, he still goes out and spends loads of money and ends up in the same position every month! Why should people bail others out? There’s obviously a reason you are struggling but we don’t know the reason....
Credit card debt
Arrears
Just not enough money
It’s simply just not enough money. My husband works full time and I was made redundant a few months ago without warning. Finding a job since has been difficult.
I don’t want this to sound like a pity party so I will stop there lol.
 
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Personally, I would feel the same. But then I know that any money that befell either my parents, me or my sister by way of inheritance would be split 3 ways because we’re all very close and that’s always been agreed upon. I would give away a lot to my son too. Buts that’s me and mine. It’s your mums money and it IS hers to do what she chooses with it. It might be an hard pill to swallow, particularly as you’re struggling but I would bite your tongue for no other reason than it’s your mum and money isn’t worth falling out with her over.
 
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My father died a few years ago, I've just been awarded his life insurance, I am technically his only child but I have 5 siblings through my mum and I have split the money between all of us. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't?!
 
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My father died a few years ago, I've just been awarded his life insurance, I am technically his only child but I have 5 siblings through my mum and I have split the money between all of us. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't?!
Hmmm it sure I am that generous, I have one sibling and hate their guts 😂
 
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I completely see where you are coming from & would feel exactly the same.

My mum does struggle financially as she is single but even on occasions in the past when she has come into money, she has shared as much as she could with me and her other children. Her first instinct would always be to help us out financially and vice versa, if I inherited some money I would love nothing more than giving enough to my Mum to allow her to pay off various bills and live comfortably. I would enjoy that more than spending the money myself.

Everyone is different I suppose but in my family, nobody would even hesitate to share money out to help one another.

I hope your Mum is planning on treating you and her grandchildren for Christmas.
 
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I completely see where you are coming from & would feel exactly the same.

My mum does struggle financially as she is single but even on occasions in the past when she has come into money, she has shared as much as she could with me and her other children. Her first instinct would always be to help us out financially and vice versa, if I inherited some money I would love nothing more than giving enough to my Mum to allow her to pay off various bills and live comfortably. I would enjoy that more than spending the money myself.

Everyone is different I suppose but in my family, nobody would even hesitate to share money out to help one another.

I hope your Mum is planning on treating you and her grandchildren for Christmas.
Thank you, I hope she is but like you say, everyone is different and if she decides not to share the money, I will deal with it. I can’t be mad at her but I’ll probably be annoyed for a while lol.
I think I feel so frustrated because, as you say, you would love to help your mum out if the opportunity arose, and I’m exactly the same. I love making other people happy in that regard.
It’s a shame that she currently doesn’t feel the same way as I do, and I’m trying not to hold out any hope that her way of thinking changes in the coming weeks.
Reading everyone’s differing opinions on this has really given me food for thought. I’m a lot more relaxed about it than I was at the start of this thread lol
 
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Thank you, I hope she is but like you say, everyone is different and if she decides not to share the money, I will deal with it. I can’t be mad at her but I’ll probably be annoyed for a while lol.
I think I feel so frustrated because, as you say, you would love to help your mum out if the opportunity arose, and I’m exactly the same. I love making other people happy in that regard.
It’s a shame that she currently doesn’t feel the same way as I do, and I’m trying not to hold out any hope that her way of thinking changes in the coming weeks.
Reading everyone’s differing opinions on this has really given me food for thought. I’m a lot more relaxed about it than I was at the start of this thread lol
If she has the chance to help your family out and make life a bit easier and chooses not to, that says more about her than you and you'd have every right to find her actions selfish.

Even so, just be content in the knowledge that you pay your own way. Like one the previous posters said - there are some people who take constant hand outs from parents. I like to think these people don't know the true value of money or how to manage their finances independently so although I'm bitter I don't have this financial security, I'm glad I can look after myself financially and don't rely on my parents in adulthood. You should feel the same!
 
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