Noseynora91
Active member
My mum recently came into a large amount of money. I don’t expect or want anything, it’s simply not mine
- Notice
It feels like I've wondered into Mumsnet. Thereyou would be told to fuck off, it's her money and you sound grabby.
If I was struggling financially and my mum was spending frivolously and flaunting it I'd find it hard.
But I've got adult friends (one in particular) who's always getting hand outs from her parents because of situations she's put herself in and I'm embrassed on her behalf that she's unable to support herself.
If I was struggling financially and my mum was spending frivolously and flaunting it I'd find it hard.
But I've got adult friends (one in particular) who's always getting hand outs from her parents because of situations she's put herself in and I'm embrassed on her behalf that she's unable to support herself.
OnlyHereForTheLolz
VIP Member
I think the fact that you feel entitled to some of it says a lot. It's not yours, you didn't work for it. It would be nice if she gave you some but do not expect any.
One day when your mum is no longer around it will be yours to do with as you please.
One day when your mum is no longer around it will be yours to do with as you please.
Bobby bunny
Chatty Member
If it was me my children would most definitely be benefiting from it , would love nothing more than to be able to help them/treat them more financially....without a shadow of a doubt....but everyone is different and each to thier own I suppose.
Lol and all it took for a better relationship and not to be huffy or pissed of was for her to give you money. Not sure the follow up paints you in the best light really. Should have left us hanging.OP here! As a previous poster said, I was coming across huffy and I agree. I was really pissed off I’m honest. Yes, my mum did need the money for retirement and it was hers to do with what she wanted, but she has since figured out that she can live quite comfortably on her state pension and has since discovered (not sure how she didn’t know before) that she has a work pension. So when her and her husband retire, with his pensions and hers they’re almost as well off as they are now and don’t have a mortgage to pay off.
I had the most upfront, honest conversation with her recently regarding money and she ended up gifting me a small amount, for which I’m extremely grateful. I don’t feel huffy or pissed off with her anymore and we have a better relationship now
Youngmum29
Member
OP here! As a previous poster said, I was coming across huffy and I agree. I was really pissed off I’m honest. Yes, my mum did need the money for retirement and it was hers to do with what she wanted, but she has since figured out that she can live quite comfortably on her state pension and has since discovered (not sure how she didn’t know before) that she has a work pension. So when her and her husband retire, with his pensions and hers they’re almost as well off as they are now and don’t have a mortgage to pay off.I had the most upfront, honest conversation with her recently regarding money and she ended up gifting me a small amount, for which I’m extremely grateful. I don’t feel huffy or pissed off with her anymore and we have a better relationship now
She may think that by simply giving you her money she’s sorting out your problems for you when actually as a grown up you should try and do it yourself? (Not meaning to sound patronising I just know this is some people’s approach) She must work hard for her well-paid job and perhaps thinks that you need to work hard or harder to pay off your debts or what ever money troubles you have x
Pinchme
VIP Member
Wow! Strongly disagree with this, agree she is under no obligation to help, but she's her mum fgs, why wouldn't a mum help her daughter out, especially if she knows her daughter is struggling.
Great example of a very selfish mum right there.
I hope she does the right thing for Christmas and helps her daughter out.
I think if it was me, & my mum didn't help me out, it would change my relationship with her for ever.
Noseynora91
Active member
I’m sorry but that comes across as so bitter! Just be happy for your mum! My mum has struggled her entire life, she is finally comfortable and can treat herself. I don’t sit there and pity myself for not having her money!
Youngmum29
Member
I think it’s safe to say that it’s very difficult to get across on here how complicated my relationship with my mum is. Obviously I am happy for her, and as I said she is very entitled to do what ever she wants with the money.
what I was trying to say, without meaning to sound bitter, is that she has never struggled financially, has always bragged about her finances but has been on the receiving end of my panicking about finances time and time again. I’ve never gone to her begging for money. I’ve never asked her for money. I just needed her as a shoulder to cry on.
Now she’s in a fantastic position to be able to help. Not only me and my husband, but her grandkids as well, and she hasn’t. She might do in the future and I will be forever grateful if she chooses to do that.
for now though I’m a little bit annoyed that I haven’t crossed her mind.
Just to clarify I’m not here to piss anyone off with this post. Just wanted to vent a bit, and gain a different perspective. Which I have to be honest, so thank you to all those who have taken time to respond x
what I was trying to say, without meaning to sound bitter, is that she has never struggled financially, has always bragged about her finances but has been on the receiving end of my panicking about finances time and time again. I’ve never gone to her begging for money. I’ve never asked her for money. I just needed her as a shoulder to cry on.
Now she’s in a fantastic position to be able to help. Not only me and my husband, but her grandkids as well, and she hasn’t. She might do in the future and I will be forever grateful if she chooses to do that.
for now though I’m a little bit annoyed that I haven’t crossed her mind.
Just to clarify I’m not here to piss anyone off with this post. Just wanted to vent a bit, and gain a different perspective. Which I have to be honest, so thank you to all those who have taken time to respond x
SamBamford
Well-known member
After my father died by brother had an argument with the solicitor. He claimed by being the eldest he should have everything despite the solicitor telling him that wasn't to be the case. He even tried going to the Police saying he was being cheated out of money. That was 23 years ago and he still doesn't speak to me or my younger brother. We don't miss him.
Youngmum29
Member
There was a lot more to our conversations than what I’m willing to put on a forum. So whether it paints me in a good light or not I couldn’t care less.
My mother came into a large inheritance back in 2013, I wasn’t expecting anything. We grew up on the breadline, and there were months were my mum didn’t have a pot to p**s in, but she tried her hardest. So when she got this money, and then decided to buy my sister and me a house I was shocked. My sister and I had been living in a very bad and dangerous block of flats at the time, but it’s was what we could afford for our independence. I’m forever grateful for getting me out of that area, I have felt them most safe I have ever been. She could have kept all the money for retirement, but she was able to buy 2 houses and keep a large amount for a comfortable retirement and to see her girls happy and safe was better that designer clothes and a fancy car. So no I don’t think you are wrong to feel that way you do if she is spending her money on crap that she doesn’t even need, if she was spending it to live it would be different x
don’t hold back, we’re on page 3 of a pretty tame conversation, go for the jugular and spice things up!!!
money and families. Oil and water.
We’ve had some real lifetime movie drama in the past with inheritance and jealousy and I’ve had a family member lose a child over money
I borrow nothing, I lend nothing, I ask for nothing. I accept nothing
You sound horrible and very immature. You've stopped huffing with her now she's handed over some money. I hope she sees through you and your grabby behaviour and spends the money before you go begging for money again when her will is read out.
I had the most upfront, honest conversation with her recently regarding money and she ended up gifting me a small amount, for which I’m extremely grateful. I don’t feel huffy or pissed off with her anymore and we have a better relationship now
midnightrose
VIP Member
I really hate inheritance money.
My parents are forever helping my brother out and do you know what....it makes no bloody difference, he still goes out and spends loads of money and ends up in the same position every month! Why should people bail others out? There’s obviously a reason you are struggling but we don’t know the reason....
Credit card debt
Arrears
Just not enough money
Maybe your mum feels that your inheritance will be the house that she's just paid the mortgage off for which you stand to inherit.
If like you say she doesn't have much of a pension pot then perhaps she wants to keep some of her money for when she does retire so that she can enjoy it without having to work on after she retires.
Believe me there's more to life than money, i onow easier said than done but don't fall out with your mum over it. Im sure she will treat you all in the future.
If like you say she doesn't have much of a pension pot then perhaps she wants to keep some of her money for when she does retire so that she can enjoy it without having to work on after she retires.
Believe me there's more to life than money, i onow easier said than done but don't fall out with your mum over it. Im sure she will treat you all in the future.
bexgreen1983
VIP Member
Sorry but your wrong.. its her inheritance and she can do what she likes with it. I think your coming across as incredibly entitled!
Your mum should want to help you, as if you have struggled continuously that shows that you need a boost to get out of the situation you’re in once and for all. I work with people who are in a cycle because they let things slip just the once and every month they have overdraft charges due to having an over draft and interest on different cards meaning the bit they would be able to put away each month goes on their interest or over draft charges. It’s a vicious cycle and if your troubles could be helped with a couple of thousand just to get back on top of yourself, then she should do that for you. Money worries are not a joke. This may be an unpopular opinion but I think family is everything and I will always do what I can. I couldn’t bear to have money and not treat my family, even if it was a thousand pound each, just something - otherwise I couldn’t enjoy the money myself.
I think you should sit your mum down, explain the situation, and also that you respect her wishes if she doesn’t want to part with any money, but also explain the difference it would make to you and your family to release the financial burden
I think you should sit your mum down, explain the situation, and also that you respect her wishes if she doesn’t want to part with any money, but also explain the difference it would make to you and your family to release the financial burden