In Law’s and family!

[silentbeauty]

Hey everyone,

Looking for some advice/opinions. Me and my partner have been together just over 4 years. We have had quite a rocky relationship on the most part but have always came out stronger and have gone a good two years without any issues. Ive aways had quite a ‘rocky’ relationship with my MIL because she gets overly involved. And wants to know everything. Things have been okay recently though.

My partners brother has had a girlfriend of one year- and by god she tries so hard. She is constantly showering his mum in gifts, theyve been out for dinner together (i wasnt invited- and in fact they tried to keep it secret). When we are all together, its so obvious his mother prefers her. She talks about her all the time and praises her.
Ive spoken to my partner about it, and he understands, but i dont think he wants to raise the topic with her, which i understand. She spends her time looking for houses for sis in law and brother in law to buy but never helps us.

Theres alot more i could say but i dont want to as im not sure if anyone reads here.
Basically, i think what i want to know is, is this normal? Is this just ‘families’? Also, any tips on how to not let it get to me.

thanks guys!

 

[JOHN1967]

This can include in-laws as well. I can't stand my step sister in law. First of all let me say is is very intelligent, hard working and very highly paid. She is vice president (one of them) of a company most of us use. Her yearly bonuses are usually 6 figures.

Now let me get to the point, she is totally insincere, she got married into a business family (they have since gone bankrupt, unfortunately they can't even afford carpets and wallpaper in their bedrooms). My wife was very close to her as they are the same age, only days between their birthdays, after she got married she tells her husband that she has nothing to do with her step family, she is only close to her half brother, my wife was upset but said nothing.

Fast forward a few years, she has a friend B, now B goes to her friend C's house and on the fireplace there is a pic of C and a guy. She asks C who the guy is and , can anyone guess who the guy is, Yup, he is my sister in laws husband.

He continues cheating on her and after a while they divorce. She then starts calling us everyday and it annoys me, my wife feels sorry for her puts up with it. Now she is alone she wants her two step sisters to divorce their husbands, she says she will look after them.

My wife and her sister say no chance, I remind them it is this toxic witch who denied their existence when she got married, and as soon as she finds someone else she will be back to her usual self.

Every time she has a dig at me, my wife says please forgive her for my sake, and don't say anything.

Sorry, its a longish post, but rant over I feel better. Funny thing is I get on with the resat of her family, cousins uncles etc, its' just her who annoys me.

 

[Orange Creme]

Hey everyone,

Looking for some advice/opinions. Me and my partner have been together just over 4 years. We have had quite a rocky relationship on the most part but have always came out stronger and have gone a good two years without any issues. Ive aways had quite a ‘rocky’ relationship with my MIL because she gets overly involved. And wants to know everything. Things have been okay recently though.

My partners brother has had a girlfriend of one year- and by god she tries so hard. She is constantly showering his mum in gifts, theyve been out for dinner together (i wasnt invited- and in fact they tried to keep it secret). When we are all together, its so obvious his mother prefers her. She talks about her all the time and praises her.
Ive spoken to my partner about it, and he understands, but i dont think he wants to raise the topic with her, which i understand. She spends her time looking for houses for sis in law and brother in law to buy but never helps us.

Theres alot more i could say but i dont want to as im not sure if anyone reads here.
Basically, i think what i want to know is, is this normal? Is this just ‘families’? Also, any tips on how to not let it get to me.

thanks guys!

I guess it must hurt that she appears to prefer the other girl to you. How would you like your relationship with your MIL to look like?

 

[BettyCrocker]

Hey everyone,

Looking for some advice/opinions. Me and my partner have been together just over 4 years. We have had quite a rocky relationship on the most part but have always came out stronger and have gone a good two years without any issues. Ive aways had quite a ‘rocky’ relationship with my MIL because she gets overly involved. And wants to know everything. Things have been okay recently though.

My partners brother has had a girlfriend of one year- and by god she tries so hard. She is constantly showering his mum in gifts, theyve been out for dinner together (i wasnt invited- and in fact they tried to keep it secret). When we are all together, its so obvious his mother prefers her. She talks about her all the time and praises her.
Ive spoken to my partner about it, and he understands, but i dont think he wants to raise the topic with her, which i understand. She spends her time looking for houses for sis in law and brother in law to buy but never helps us.

Theres alot more i could say but i dont want to as im not sure if anyone reads here.
Basically, i think what i want to know is, is this normal? Is this just ‘families’? Also, any tips on how to not let it get to me.

thanks guys!

I guess you need to think of it like this. Do you like your MIL and would she be someone you would want to spend time with if it weren’t for your partner? If the answer is no, then don’t sweat it. You can have a happy, fulfilling relationship with your partner and your MIL doesn’t have to be a factor in that. You say she gets overly involved but then you seem annoyed that she isn’t helping you out with house hunting (is it that she’s offering others financial help that’s the issue here or just that she’s helping house hunting?)
You say you weren’t invited to dinner but why would you have been? Would you have actually wanted to go?
It sort of sounds like you are looking for this woman’s approval & acceptance but that you don’t really like her or really want to have anything to do with her?
Families are strange - that’s for sure. But this is the kind of thing you have to either accept and let go or have it out with her and move on, if you let it fester it will end up driving a wedge in your relationship.

 

[LuLu17]

Hey everyone,

Looking for some advice/opinions. Me and my partner have been together just over 4 years. We have had quite a rocky relationship on the most part but have always came out stronger and have gone a good two years without any issues. Ive aways had quite a ‘rocky’ relationship with my MIL because she gets overly involved. And wants to know everything. Things have been okay recently though.

My partners brother has had a girlfriend of one year- and by god she tries so hard. She is constantly showering his mum in gifts, theyve been out for dinner together (i wasnt invited- and in fact they tried to keep it secret). When we are all together, its so obvious his mother prefers her. She talks about her all the time and praises her.
Ive spoken to my partner about it, and he understands, but i dont think he wants to raise the topic with her, which i understand. She spends her time looking for houses for sis in law and brother in law to buy but never helps us.

Theres alot more i could say but i dont want to as im not sure if anyone reads here.
Basically, i think what i want to know is, is this normal? Is this just ‘families’? Also, any tips on how to not let it get to me.

thanks guys!

Firstly, there is no typical normal in families!

But I do understand where you are coming from, My ex MIL used to make me feel inferior and like I wasn't 'welcomed' in the family. What I would start by saying is, as long as you are being polite and civil with her, you are not required to do anymore. Just because you are in a relationship with her child doesn't mean you have to be best friends.

The only thing you don't want to do, is to have this situation effect your partners relationship with them or yours and your partners relationship as that's not fair on any parties.

My best advice would be to arrange some events yourself, but with your partner included for support, and see how they go. Maybe the MIL is avoiding making effort with you as she isn't sure how you'll reciprocate it? If your partners brother's partner has arranged events with her that's maybe why she's being more forward with doing stuff with her as she knows she welcomes it.

I would say though, don't go down the random gifts routes, that's not right or healthy.

If you MIL still responds with the same kind of attitude towards you after you start including her in events, then maybe it's time for you and your partner to talk to her in a communal setting, as it's not fair for you to feel awkward or left out.

 

[GizAMin]

I agree with @BettyCrocker - if the MIL isn’t someone you would necessarily want to spend your time with, then be careful what you wish for!
My MIL won’t even acknowledge my existence....if she visits and I’m not there she doesn’t ask where I am, in fact she never mentions me to my OH at all...it’s very strange! If I see her she asks me how I am and then doesn’t speak to me again, even if I’m in her company for hours....she goes out of her way to exclude me from conversations. Hugs all other family members, but just looks at me awkwardly. But she’s absolutely not my cup of tea, so I don’t let myself worry about it. I’m polite and pleasant enough to her when I’m forced to be in her company (special occasions etc) but at the end of the day her behaviour is the reason we always get to go to my family for Christmas, so actually....I’m the winner!