In a rut

[AbsolutelyFine]

Having a bit of a bleughh day and just wanted advice. I’m 34 years old and feel I’ve been in a rut for a while. Over the past 2 or so years I’ve felt less and less connected to people I’ve always considered close friends. The reason for this is clear- their lives are following the normal trajectory for my age group and they’re all getting married and having babies. I want all of this for myself but it’s so far from my current situation I just can’t see it happening anytime soon, if at all. At the moment it’s a miracle if I get more than 5 lines of convo out of a dating app guy. I think it’s hit hard this week as 2 of my close friends have announced their pregnancies with another giving birth last week. 2 of my group WhatsApp’s have essentially morphed into parenting forums. I always comment on cute pics of their kids and ask questions etc but there’s only so much I can (or want to) join in. I am so happy for my friends and all their announcements but I feel them slipping away. Last summer I found out that there was a couples holiday in one group of friends- obviously I wasn’t invited to this as I’m not in a relationship but it stung.

I am working on myself and have joined hobby based Meetup groups, as well as intermittent online dating. However with lockdown imminent these seem like dead ends. I feel increasingly isolated among a sea of weddings/baby announcements. Has anyone been through a similar patch and it got better?

Sorry.....moan over!

 

[Raininvain]

I think you have to look at what you have got not what you haven't and also that you never know the realities of other peoples lives. People do move on from single friends when they start getting married and having children, just let them go if they are losing touch with you.
When all this Covid stuff is over all you can do is keep joining things and reaching out to others. You might meet someone you might not but you have to learn to be happy by yourself whatever. I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted to go on holiday with loads of couples anyway!

 

[Gertrude]

Having a bit of a bleughh day and just wanted advice. I’m 34 years old and feel I’ve been in a rut for a while. Over the past 2 or so years I’ve felt less and less connected to people I’ve always considered close friends. The reason for this is clear- their lives are following the normal trajectory for my age group and they’re all getting married and having babies. I want all of this for myself but it’s so far from my current situation I just can’t see it happening anytime soon, if at all. At the moment it’s a miracle if I get more than 5 lines of convo out of a dating app guy. I think it’s hit hard this week as 2 of my close friends have announced their pregnancies with another giving birth last week. 2 of my group WhatsApp’s have essentially morphed into parenting forums. I always comment on cute pics of their kids and ask questions etc but there’s only so much I can (or want to) join in. I am so happy for my friends and all their announcements but I feel them slipping away. Last summer I found out that there was a couples holiday in one group of friends- obviously I wasn’t invited to this as I’m not in a relationship but it stung.

I am working on myself and have joined hobby based Meetup groups, as well as intermittent online dating. However with lockdown imminent these seem like dead ends. I feel increasingly isolated among a sea of weddings/baby announcements. Has anyone been through a similar patch and it got better?

Sorry.....moan over!

Sorry that you've not been feeling so great lately. As the previous poster said, try your best to focus on what you do have in your life. If your friends are no longer making the effort with you, then it's their loss! Also, you do not want to be the only single person on a couples holiday, that would be absolute hell!

Great that you are working on yourself and have joined Meetup...how has that been? Have you also started any other hobbies by yourself? I started watercolour painting at the start of the last lockdown, which has been a lovely thing to focus on and take my mind of things. Maybe try something like that?

Also, try to stop comparing yourself to the others in your life who are in relationships/getting married/having kids. As you don't want to end up in a relationship with the very first guy that comes along. It'll happen when the timing is right for you, with the right person (sorry if this this sounds cliched, but it's true)

Re to the dating, online/app dating can be super soul destroying, but seems like the only way these days, even pre-covid, haha. A few of my friends have given online speed dating a go which they said was good fun.