so this is embarrassing to admit if I'm honest but I know there must be people in the same boat , but I'm feeling the need More recently to try and make some as I genuinely have none. I know people say all the time I have no friends and they do they have people they talk to or meet even If its not often, but I don't even have that. its been this way for years .
im super super lonley im 20 for god sake. who doesn't have friends at 20?! like there's noting wrong with me im a fun person who likes going out and going shopping and doing girly things.
I had one friend in secondary school who I stayed in contact with for a while but we stopped talking she wasn't a true friend anyway.
question is, is anyone else in the same boat like super lonely and gets really down seeing people go out on the weekends or when ur in a shop alone seeing people with a friend.
how do you even make friends these days
this post will either sounds super sad and you'll laugh or maybe someone will help haha not to sure
Gosh you sound so like me when I was 20. I know how you're feeling exactly.
Like you, I didn't make friends easily in high school. I was pretty nerdy, liked books and video games and old movies and rock music, and was shy and never knew what to say. I sat with some girls at lunch but I was never close enough to call them good friends, and after school finished we didn't hang out or stay in contact.
At uni I found some people who I shared more interests with, but again I wouldn't say we were particularly "close". Most nights when I was your age, I lay in bed in my dorm listening to music feeling so, so lonely and bored, like I was the only person not having fun. I wanted to go out like others to bars and clubs and had no one to go with. I had no one I was friendly enough with to live with so had to live in dorms all the time or house shares I found online. I tried to make friends at uni events but i think i was trying too hard (used to get drunk and just ended up being the annoying one in the room). I had a relationship that ended one year, and I spent a year crying in my dorm room most nights feeling so alone like a piece of sh!t and had no friends to cheer me up or go out with.
Since then, I've realised more people than you'd think were in the same boat. Both my now sisters in law had few friends at 20 and few now (no guests from school or uni at their weddings), they prefer their own and their husbands company. My partner had loads of friends at school and uni, but doesn't keep in touch with them anymore (except for 1 extremely close friend from uni), no falling out, he just isn't bothered and he can't relate now to the kids aspect as we have none.
My sister is completely different from me, she makes friends at the drop of a hat, it comes naturally and she loves girls banter and is so sociable, she has about 10 very close friends.... it doesn't work for me at all, I'm more serious and click better with the lads.
It's not embarrassing whatsoever, it's just pot luck sometimes about the people you come across in life. Most people I met at uni either weren't very nice, or weren't enjoyable to spend time with. Some were lovely but already had their own established friend group and it was hard for me to break into that.
Some people just prefer their own company, I'm an introvert and know plenty others who are. You should never think that you're a problem.
Weirdly since uni ended, I've become closer to 2 people from my year at uni (one through work, one through a house share) and now consider them closer friends although we both live abroad and we rarely see each other since covid. I think the reason is that we've all matured since then ( now late 30s) and we now click more together with common interests, while other friends from uni have drifted apart.
Mostly I spend time with my partner, or with family members. I don't want a big friendship group. I've made 2 close friends from work whose company I enjoy and I share my problems with them and vice versa. They're male - I do better in groups of males than fenales.
Who cares what other people think of you "having no friends"? Why should it matter? Trust me, I cared what people thought of me when I was 20 but the older you get (now 35), the less and less you care. I promise. You're an individual and you shouldn't care what other people think.
Friendships happen organically I think when you're paired with the right people in life and you click (like my work friends I mentioned), it sounds like maybe you haven't been around the right people yet.
I will be ‘friends’ as much as I can be with any of you if you want. Do you have snapchat?