How to move on

[under the ivy]

I’ve commented on a few threads about the end of my relationship - cut a long story short; my ex dumped me last April after nearly 5 years together, out of the blue.

Don’t get me wrong I’m in a much better place than I was months ago. But how do you truly get over someone?

It’s hard with lockdown that I’m not going out and keeping myself occupied. He keeps popping into my dreams, I see the car he drives more often when I’m out, I even felt sad when I saw the bread he bought advertised on TV the other day

Feel free to offload with your own experiences or give advice!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’ve said this a few times, I’ve been with my husband for over 11 years but my ex still pops into my head every now and then. Probably once a year I look him up on Facebook. It’s not because I want him back or anything like that but I am just curious about what’s happened to him.

Break ups are so hard and I don’t think there is a time frame but I think keeping busy (hard right now I know) doing things you enjoy and that make you happy without having to think of anyone else.

 

[Matricks]

I've been married for 17 years and have never really looked back. But I know from time to time, I do look back on previous relationships, and think of one in particular that still stands out/hurts for so many reasons.

Plenty of "what ifs" and "If onlys" but sometimes breakups are there for a good reason even if they still hurt many years on. It is funny how your brain will never "let go" of certain events from your past relationships that stand out for good or bad. But that's just the way of things I would guess. The only thing you can do is build on those experiences and try to look forward and never back.

 

[DanaScully]

I think the only thing that helps is time. I'm in a similar situation as I've recently split from my partner of eight years, so just trying my best to keep busy.

I made a plan of action of things I'd like to change in my life and ticking things off that I've achieved feels amazing! I also keep a private blog that I treat as a diary and I write down my thoughts and feelings there often which can be really cathartic.
I've also been doing a lot of self-care, long baths, yoga, meditation, pamper days etc.

As well as all that I've been having counselling which has helped me to process and come to terms with it all. I still miss my ex very much and I feel like everything I see or do is a reminder, but I know time will ease that.

Best of luck to you, and remember to be kind to yourself.

 

[Ohflogoff]

I’ve commented on a few threads about the end of my relationship - cut a long story short; my ex dumped me last April after nearly 5 years together, out of the blue.

Don’t get me wrong I’m in a much better place than I was months ago. But how do you truly get over someone?

It’s hard with lockdown that I’m not going out and keeping myself occupied. He keeps popping into my dreams, I see the car he drives more often when I’m out, I even felt sad when I saw the bread he bought advertised on TV the other day

Feel free to offload with your own experiences or give advice!

You get over someone by getting under someone else. Sounds crass, but an ego boost is always nice. SD restrictions may put a hold on that, but get on tinder and get chatting to others.

 

[HitchhikingGhost]

I had a lockdown break up after a long term relationship. I found day to day that I managed to think about them less but they do pop in my head and I do sometimes think oh what if I can find anyone who likes this/does things like they did.

Now that lockdown is nearing the end, I've downloaded dating apps again, just to ease myself in with no pressure and see what happens. It's actually helped open my eyes up again to that exciting feeling of finding someone new and getting to know someone. I know that online dating has its pitfalls but it's helping me realise that there is life after the ex.
Hope you feel better soon about things

 

[Base2019]

It sounds so cliche but time will work wonders. It’s a difficult time in general so hopefully when things go back to normal a bit you will be able to keep yourself busy more and not think about it as much. I find exercise really helped me and the bonus is you always feel better when you look your best haha also makes you feel mentally strong which is great. I think a lot of it for me was the deceit of it when you think someone is your best friend, do everything together and they still treat you so badly/bin you off anyway haha but maybe that’s just me lol

 

[Upintheair83]

Time and concentrating on yourself will help you to move on hun. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s true.

And in time it won’t feel as raw- maybe you will meet someone else and they will be perfect for you and you will realise exactly why it didn’t work out with your ex. And one day even when you are completely happy and settled, and know you are with ‘the one’ you will still have the odd day you think about your ex. Sometimes there are people that we always hold a torch for, or maybe that’s the wrong word. But people we always will care about and will always ponder on the why’s and ifs. And it’s ok, you know? But I promise it won’t hurt as much and you will be able to still feel certain emotions but it won’t consume you or even bother you. You will get there and you will be ok. Lots of love xxxx

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Definitely time. Its difficult at the moment because all the days sort of morph there way into one. But soon you will be able to do all the things you love again and he won't frequent your mind so much.
I still think about my ex from time to time even though I am in a happy relationship but I probably think of mine for the wrong reasons because he did so much mental damage to me, I often find myself wondering why I allowed him to get away with so much, and now he has a new girlfriend, why he hasn't treated her how he treated me.. but then I realise he is no longer my problem and I can finally be happy. Sometimes I even think about my first love! Not that I want any of my ex's back, I think I am just super bleeping nosey.
Soon enough you will be out enjoying life again and when restrictions ease up etc you will be kept busy, its easy to think about things so much more when we have so much time on our hands. xx

 

[hello479]

So glad I found this thread as my husband of 2.5 years left last week. We’d been together 8 years and he said he’s just not happy anymore. I know my mental health has taken a big downward turn since lockdown and I am so torn between hoping he comes back and accepting it and moving on with my life. I’m so ashamed as I don’t know anyone else aged 31 and divorced! Does anyone have a similar experience?

 

[LateG0ssiper]

So glad I found this thread as my husband of 2.5 years left last week. We’d been together 8 years and he said he’s just not happy anymore. I know my mental health has taken a big downward turn since lockdown and I am so torn between hoping he comes back and accepting it and moving on with my life. I’m so ashamed as I don’t know anyone else aged 31 and divorced! Does anyone have a similar experience?

So sorry to hear this. Have a look at the 'Heartbreak' thread, a few of us are going through similar things at the moment and it's really supportive and helpful to know you're not alone x

 

[at-the-disco]

i honestly think accepting that you might not ever get over them and that it's ok to feel that way. let yourself be sad and cry, losing someone you saw your future with can be quite traumatic and could stick with you for a long time!
i know it's not the best advice but meeting someone new will definitely help. spend more time with friends and family. build your life how you want it

i honestly dont think i'll ever get over my ex however we are still in contact and still see each other now and then. so i dunno if i can give the best advice i'm not interested in or talking to anyone else
do you still keep in contact?

 

[kittypaws]

I always say time is the best healer and it’s so true, you will get there

However, speaking to other men has always really helped me. Get on a dating site - you don’t even need to consider going on a date and it’s hard with Covid atm anyway. But just talking to other men, having nice enjoyable conversations and a laugh will really help and you’ll find it exciting again and they’ll take your mind off your ex. And who knows, you might find a nice man who you really want to meet!

 

[Yolo_polo]

Time and no contact. I broke up with an ex 4 years ago and I was devastated. We kept in contact for about a year and it was the worst decision ever. He’d always phone me and text me when he was out with his mates and then we’d speak for a few days after but nothing would change. Cutting contact was the hardest but best decision I ever made. I’m now engaged and my fiancé is the most amazing man I’ve ever met!

 

[RoisinH]

Im so glad I came across this thread. At the moment I'm struggling massively over an ex from 22 years ago! He was my best friend and my first love. We adored one another and did absolutely everything together for 2 years until he literally broke my heart. He was seeing someone for months behind my back. Denying it all the time until I saw them together! At that stage then I walked away. Turns out she actually got pregnant while he was cheating with her. That was 22 years ago and it still breaks my heart when I think about it. Lately I've been tempted to contact him just to ask him why but very slow at doing so cause I've got a lovely husband and 2 teenage girls now and it wouldn't be fair on them. Although I think I do need some closure. I'm actually so relieved to see I'm not the only one who feels like this as I thought I was losing my mind lately

 

[hello479]

It’s really helping me know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and those of you who have been through what I’m going through have eventually found someone else who clearly is even better for you I’ve been so scared of ending up alone and missing out on having a family

 

[AlanBanan]

I found no contact was the best way. Deleting and throwing out every photo of them. Even when she rang me to speak to me afterwards I kept it short and simple so I didn’t crack and run back to them. I also still have overwhelming feelings of loneliness without them, to be honest, I do be on here and find something funny or interesting and find myself wanting to show and tell them, then I realise they’re not there anymore and they’re not coming back and I feel sad all over again.

But I am getting over it and I am moving on as I still have feelings for them I can’t let them walk over me and think it’s okay for them to treat me the way that they did. They drove me to a breakdown over their actions and anyone who could do that someone they supposedly love are not someone who I need to be with. I would like to still be with them, but sadly it is far too much to look pass.

My best advice is to move on and learn from your past relationship and get an idea of what you want moving forward.

 

[whatitdoboo]

Hey girls, it’s there anyone for advice for me
Cut a long story short I met a guy yesterday who I had been taking to for a month, he had to graft me for ages, and I finally agreed to meeting him. We hit it off, talking about the future, allll of that. He was even doing the little thumb thing when you hold hands.we had massive chemistry too, everything felt perfect, he was talking about a relationship. Today, I haven’t heard off him. I message him and I get slow replies, so I ask if anything’s changed and no reply, he’s online. I then say if you’re not feeling it let me know, nothing. And I haven’t heard anything all day, so I decide to block him. He’s been online all day ignoring me. I feel like I’m going through a mini breakup and advice or reasons for this behaviour?

 

[at-the-disco]

Hey girls, it’s there anyone for advice for me
Cut a long story short I met a guy yesterday who I had been taking to for a month, he had to graft me for ages, and I finally agreed to meeting him. We hit it off, talking about the future, allll of that. He was even doing the little thumb thing when you hold hands.we had massive chemistry too, everything felt perfect, he was talking about a relationship. Today, I haven’t heard off him. I message him and I get slow replies, so I ask if anything’s changed and no reply, he’s online. I then say if you’re not feeling it let me know, nothing. And I haven’t heard anything all day, so I decide to block him. He’s been online all day ignoring me. I feel like I’m going through a mini breakup and advice or reasons for this behaviour?

this happened to me once except it was the other way round. i met a guy after talking for a few weeks but as soon as i met him i realised i did not fancy him and that he was not my type. so the next day, i barely spoke to him and eventually messaged saying i only see us as being friends

however i did NOT touch him or hold his hand or lead him to believe i was interested when we met, that is really crappy behaviour.
think about it, if the guy was really into you he would NOT leave you on read or ignore you when you've straight up asked him if he is feeling it or not??? he would be scared to lose you or push you away. i'm fed up with the bullshit games that men play sometimes.

please just keep him blocked and try to move on, you barely knew him so you will for sure get over him easily! just give it a few weeks. you do not want to lose sleep over a man who can't even respect you enough to say he's not interested.

the only reason i'd forgive this was if he was at work/had an ill family member or something. but the fact he's been online all day but ignored you tells you all you need to know, keep your head up you are worthy of so much better than that asshole

 

[whatitdoboo]

this happened to me once except it was the other way round. i met a guy after talking for a few weeks but as soon as i met him i realised i did not fancy him and that he was not my type. so the next day, i barely spoke to him and eventually messaged saying i only see us as being friends

however i did NOT touch him or hold his hand or lead him to believe i was interested when we met, that is really crappy behaviour.
think about it, if the guy was really into you he would NOT leave you on read or ignore you when you've straight up asked him if he is feeling it or not??? he would be scared to lose you or push you away. i'm fed up with the bullshit games that men play sometimes.

please just keep him blocked and try to move on, you barely knew him so you will for sure get over him easily! just give it a few weeks. you do not want to lose sleep over a man who can't even respect you enough to say he's not interested.

the only reason i'd forgive this was if he was at work/had an ill family member or something. but the fact he's been online all day but ignored you tells you all you need to know, keep your head up you are worthy of so much better than that asshole

Thankyou so much! You’re so right. The chemistry was absolutely there and I thought it would lead to something good. I honeslty don’t get why guys do this! If you’re not interested just say. Baffles my mind x