Hi I thought this would be a good thread to start, how do you make new friends as an adult, how many friends do you have, how often do you try to see each other etc..
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I don't. I'm quite happy in my own little bubble. People annoy me, animals don't.
Volunteering. I volunteer for causes I love and I’ve met such great new friends x
In terms of people I really like and would meet up with for coffee or something, I probably have about 8-10 friends. Then maybe an additional 10-15 or so friendly colleagues or people I hang out with as part of a group but wouldn't arrange to meet up with on their own. How often we see each other depends on loads of things but ranges from about once a week to once every few months (obviously with colleagues I see them every day).
After leaving uni I met most of my friends through work. One or two started out as friends of friends. I'm also in a couple of hobby groups with people who probably could become friends if I got to know them better, but at the moment I don't attend regularly enough for that. I don't have kids myself but lots of people I know seem to have 'mum friends' who they meet at NCT classes and things.
After leaving uni I met most of my friends through work. One or two started out as friends of friends. I'm also in a couple of hobby groups with people who probably could become friends if I got to know them better, but at the moment I don't attend regularly enough for that. I don't have kids myself but lots of people I know seem to have 'mum friends' who they meet at NCT classes and things.
I literally only have two close friends - one I met at Uni and the other through work. My first friend we see each other maybe once every few months as we both have children and she lives an hour away, and my friend at work outside of work we meet up every few weeks for a meal/run around with my toddler as he adores her.
I really struggled to make friends while I was at Uni and it was defintley because I looked unapproachable because I'm proper socially awakard and shy, haha! So when I did my masters I made myself go out of my comfort zone and say hello to people, interact with group conversations etc and although it was hard at first I made some lovely friends and felt included for the first time in a long time! You really don't need a huge bunch of friends, a loyal few works perfectly fine and can sometimes be better
I really struggled to make friends while I was at Uni and it was defintley because I looked unapproachable because I'm proper socially awakard and shy, haha! So when I did my masters I made myself go out of my comfort zone and say hello to people, interact with group conversations etc and although it was hard at first I made some lovely friends and felt included for the first time in a long time! You really don't need a huge bunch of friends, a loyal few works perfectly fine and can sometimes be better
Thank you for this thread, actually I haven't really realised how long it has been since I've made a new friend, until recently. All my friends, I've known for the better part of my life. I don't have a big group of friends but little pockets of them here and there from different parts of life, and the newest one of them must be a decade old friendship. I despair at the thought of having to make new friends, mostly because people bore me to death (to no fault of their own, I just find interaction exhausting) and I have no energy for it and I also detest small talk. I keep getting the same advice I get for dating - put yourself out there. I just can't do it.
If I had to relocate to a far away place, I'm afraid I'd end up a loner because I always think people wouldn't really enjoy being my friend, and I always worry that I'll be too tired and drained to keep in touch with new people. It's a struggle.
If I had to relocate to a far away place, I'm afraid I'd end up a loner because I always think people wouldn't really enjoy being my friend, and I always worry that I'll be too tired and drained to keep in touch with new people. It's a struggle.
I’ve tried, with school mums, new colleagues, sometimes I think I’ve made a friend but it sort of fizzles out, or you thought you were getting on but maybe you misinterpreted! However I have had my mums’ group for years, online (our babies were born at a similar time, shared birth club) and they’re great. Met up once or twice with a few of them.
I've also come to realise that once you get to about your mid 20s and up, a huge part of friendship is persistence. I've moved jobs a lot and have let way too many cool people go because I was worried they were only putting up with me to be polite, when in hindsight I'm sure they'd have loved to stay in contact but just weren't quite bothered enough to initiate it (or possibly had the same worry about me). Nowadays I just spam anyone I want to stay in touch with and don't care about looking too keen - I mean the alternative is never seeing them again, so what is there to lose?
Similarly, with a lot of the old friends I've kept in touch with it's only because I'm willing to do the majority of the organising and travelling. I know people sometimes resent that and feel like they're not a priority for their friends, but I tend to think it's not that they don't care, more that keeping up with people is a life skill in much the same way as staying on top of laundry and things, and a lot of people just aren't very good at it. So I don't take it personally if it's usually me initiating. The only times I've ever given up on friendships are if we've grown apart to the point where I no longer want to spend time with them, or if they constantly flake without a good reason.
Similarly, with a lot of the old friends I've kept in touch with it's only because I'm willing to do the majority of the organising and travelling. I know people sometimes resent that and feel like they're not a priority for their friends, but I tend to think it's not that they don't care, more that keeping up with people is a life skill in much the same way as staying on top of laundry and things, and a lot of people just aren't very good at it. So I don't take it personally if it's usually me initiating. The only times I've ever given up on friendships are if we've grown apart to the point where I no longer want to spend time with them, or if they constantly flake without a good reason.
It's really hard to make friends as you get older. People are busy with their lives. I've had somebody say they have got enough friends, no room or time for new ones.
I have one amazing friend who I've known since kindergarten ... even as our lives have changed and we've headed in very different directions, we have an unbreakable bond. I see her once a year, but video call, email or text her nearly every day. We often joke that when we're in our 90s, we'll move into the same retirement village together.
In the past, most of my friends were gained either through workplaces - we lost contact when either of us has moved on - or hobby groups.
I do have some close friendships with some ladies I play golf with, but that said I do keep my guard up a fair bit ... I think I'm naturally a bit of a loner.
In the past, most of my friends were gained either through workplaces - we lost contact when either of us has moved on - or hobby groups.
I do have some close friendships with some ladies I play golf with, but that said I do keep my guard up a fair bit ... I think I'm naturally a bit of a loner.
That's an awful thing to say, and I've heard of others had that said to them also! I've had someone tell me that can't be friends with anyone who doesn't have children - it's as if all of a sudden my worthiness has dropped because of that! Oh well; they probably did me a favour!
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Hey @Zenchick101 Obviously I don’t know your situation, if this is an advice question or just curiosity (whether you’re in a city, have an intense job, age group, have 4 kids etc)
When I was younger (I’m now 40) I had an abundance of ‘friends’ now I know they were just good time people. Although I do have one life long friend from me when I was 13 (we did drift in and out in our 20’s)
I always felt like I was an option, not a choice, and I was never top of the list.
Then one day I just decided that I’m not concerning myself with peoples expectations and caring if they like me, don’t mean I started being any different, I just meant I just had this epiphany, and just was completely myself no apologies.
And since I’ve never had a better group of friends.and I know they like me for just being myself.
Being older it’s usually a wattsapp chat and a monthly meet up. we’re all working or doing real life things and were all at that understanding, also forever tired lol.
it sounds bad also, but I do genuinely have lovely colleagues at new jobs, or I meet people I click with at bdays or hen parties etc, but it’s hard enough seeing my regular friends. So if you click with a colleague/ work bestie and they keep it strictly work based that’s prob why.
Some of my local nearest and dearest I see every 6 weeks! Most of my friends are scattered across the uk, so some it can be 6 months!
Age has taught me that, life gets in the way, it’s not personal.if Someone’s busy or can’t make something, it’s not cos they don’t like you, they just genuinely can’t do it!
Id say that every time I go to local gigs, everyone seems super friendly as they have a common interest in the band!
When I was younger (I’m now 40) I had an abundance of ‘friends’ now I know they were just good time people. Although I do have one life long friend from me when I was 13 (we did drift in and out in our 20’s)
I always felt like I was an option, not a choice, and I was never top of the list.
Then one day I just decided that I’m not concerning myself with peoples expectations and caring if they like me, don’t mean I started being any different, I just meant I just had this epiphany, and just was completely myself no apologies.
And since I’ve never had a better group of friends.and I know they like me for just being myself.
Being older it’s usually a wattsapp chat and a monthly meet up. we’re all working or doing real life things and were all at that understanding, also forever tired lol.
it sounds bad also, but I do genuinely have lovely colleagues at new jobs, or I meet people I click with at bdays or hen parties etc, but it’s hard enough seeing my regular friends. So if you click with a colleague/ work bestie and they keep it strictly work based that’s prob why.
Some of my local nearest and dearest I see every 6 weeks! Most of my friends are scattered across the uk, so some it can be 6 months!
Age has taught me that, life gets in the way, it’s not personal.if Someone’s busy or can’t make something, it’s not cos they don’t like you, they just genuinely can’t do it!
Id say that every time I go to local gigs, everyone seems super friendly as they have a common interest in the band!
It's progressing from acquaintances to friends that seems to be difficult as an adult.
I've made an effort to be the one to make the first move before . I've given people the benefit of the doubt but I found people didn't reciprocate.
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I find it really difficult. A lot of my friendships have drifted apart through distance and sometimes it becomes difficult to relate to people anymore. I'm extremely socially awkward so I find it difficult to make the first contact too. I find it hard to make small talk with people. Like @Kim Mild says going from acquaintance to friend is hard. I have lots of acquaintances and people I would say meet up with the kids or chat to at the park but not what I would call friends. When you're an adult is when you could do with friends the most really but it's more difficult with family dynamics.
I drifted apart for similar reasons, just because you had similar interests at 19 doesn’t mean you have the same outlook a decade or even 2/3 on.
But I think it’s good not to necessarily relate and have a different out set, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy each others company.
I'm just in a better headspace then I've been before and will be moving to a brand new place where I'll be looking to put down roots (late 20's), and it's been hard for me to have large amount of friends due to only seeking out deep friendship bonds and being very introverted. As much as I'm independent I find that I'd like to be more social and I guess wouldn't know where to start doing that once I move. It's not something I'm good at since I tend to cut out people that I don't feel comfortable around very easily.
I’m 30 and I have one friend who I met at an old job years ago who I see a few times a year as she moved a few hours away. Over the years I’ve had friends but I had to cut one off so that meant cutting a full friendship group off (I hate the she said this she said that kind of thing so i did it for a quiet life). And I’ve made friends with girls who’ve turned out to be very sly (putting me down/gossiping about me/shady social media digs etc) so it’s put me off making new friends. My previous job felt like abit of a social life as we were like minded women round the same ages and stuff in common but my current job I don’t have anyone my age or with things in common, plus I do think it better to keep work and personal life separate other than the odd drinks. But admittedly weekends roll around and I wish I had someone to do things with/go out with. I feel abit of a loner but some of the crap I’ve had ‘friends’ pull on me I just prefer a peaceful life now! I struggle to trust people. I’d rather meet a partner at this point than new friends
It’s hard cos to me I’m slowly slowly catch a monkey, I find those initial eager friends are the ones that are never quite what they seem.
what do you mean slowly catch a monkey? and as for the last part yes some of those have been evil people who just want someone to gossip and abuse.
How are you defining "friend"? I'm sure I'm not alone when I say there are people I see regularly because we go to the groups, etc. We talk and are civil, etc but does that really make them my friend?
I've joined various clubs over the years where I've made friends. I've also had people who I thought were friends turn out to be anything but.
I've joined various clubs over the years where I've made friends. I've also had people who I thought were friends turn out to be anything but.
I have maybe 6 friends I speak to regularly, but we moved 700 miles across country last December to a place where we don’t know anyone, and figuring out where to start making new friends is hard! I’ve got a few people I chat to at work, but I work full time & have a 2 year old so energy for out of work socialising is minimal. I’m currently pregnant and hoping to meet some friends on mat leave; my son was born a few months before lockdown started and all our baby groups got cancelled so never had the chance to make new friends then! At the moment I’m quite happy, it’s nice to spend weekends with my husband & son, but it would definitely be nice to have a couple of other people to hang out with when I’m off work.