How to develop friendships with people you talk to only occasionally?

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I have quite a few people in my life who I am friendly with, but don’t speak to too often, so I’d say they’re more occasional acquaintances than friends.

I don’t know why, but I worry about looking weird or somehow needy if I text/message them out of the blue. I then don’t message them, and the space in time makes me think I’ll look even stranger if I message them after such a long time!

One example: a couple of years ago, I went to a 4 week language class and met a girl there who I liked and we spent a lovely afternoon and evening together outside the class, and always chatted in the class, but she has since moved away, and I wish I’d suggested socialising with her more often. We kept in touch a little and message each other for birthdays and about big events. We were in touch the other day with a few messages back and forth, but she hasn’t yet replied to my previous message, and I hope she does! I want to speak to her and some other people more.

I’d like to message people more often but I keep thinking that she- and others!- would wonder why. I wonder if I missed the boat for forging a more meaningful friendship. It doesn’t help that I’m naturally introverted and a bit shy at times, sometimes I want to be alone so didn’t always feel like being sociable after class, which is why I didn’t suggest hanging out more often.

Has anyone here felt like this before? Does anyone have any advice? Thank you!
 
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I feel like this all the time.

I think this is an opportunity (probably not the best word) to be able to reach out to people to see how they are, if they're isolating, are they staying well etc...

I have sent silly quizzes or memes to people I havent spoken to in a while to get the ball rolling.

It is hard to take it to an actual friendship level though I agree xx
 
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This is something that I always struggle with too as a fellow super shy introvert. It can often feel like you have left things too long to get in touch but I'm trying to have a "there's nothing to lose" attitude. If you dont get in touch at all you entirely close the option so it's worth a shot.

I totally agree with AI26 post above - with everything awful going on in the world at the moment I'm sure lots of people would love to hear from you. Even just to check in - you never know. Could start a great friendship :)
 
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This is something I relate to as well. I worry about people i was friends with 10+ years ago and that I should have made more effort. I regret it on almost daily basis.

I've been trying to make more of an effort recently, texting people asking how they are. At the end of the day with the world as it curently is, what do I have to lose.

I'll always remember when I first met my husband, I was so shy my friend had to set me up (another one I should have kept in touch with 🙈 and I didn't say hi back to him as I was so shy. He friends thought I was rude and he always had to explain that I was just really really shy. I'm a bit better now, but I'd love to make more friends once this is all over.
 
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Thanks for your replies guys, I'm comforted to know I'm not the only person that feels like this, I asked this on another forum too and it seems to be a normal feeling! Because I really do feel odd sometimes, I am always shy to ask anyone for their phone number! 😳

It's not easy for us shy folks, I tend to overthink too which doesn't help matters! The girl I had mentioned messaging in my first post still hasn't wrote back to my last message, despite having read it and been online since, and I start to wonder why, and worry about it.

This is something I relate to as well. I worry about people i was friends with 10+ years ago and that I should have made more effort. I regret it on almost daily basis.
Oh my goodness, me too. I feel sad when I think back to childhood, school and uni friends, there's one friend in particular I think about often. But I keep reminding myself that it's not a one-way street, and that they didn't make the effort to reach out or keep in touch with me either ☹
 
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That is very true, maybe they feel the same way. It gets me when I see people I knew still meeting up and I’m not invited makes me sad.

I worry I’m not interesting enough either.
 
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That is very true, maybe they feel the same way. It gets me when I see people I knew still meeting up and I’m not invited makes me sad.

I worry I’m not interesting enough either.
I try to tell myself that anyway but it doesn’t always help! Oh me too. It feels like everyone is moving along together, without us.

And yes that’s my worry too 😔
 
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About 15 years ago in my early 20s i had a falling out with a very good friend. We lived together, and the friendship ended and we just never spoke again.
About two years ago I had really bad post-natal anxiety which led to a strange spiritual/midlife crisis. It coincided with seeing her in town and we both blanked each other. over the next few days I realised how much i had missed her, i ended up sending her long email apologising for my part in it, saying how i am different person now, and how much i missed her. Well she blocked me on everything and never responded...always was the type to bear a grudge.
This experience has pushed me to make more of an effort maintaining and starting friendships. There really is nothing to lose by reaching out to people, the worst they can do is not be interested.
Like with my old friend, she is not interested and thats out of my control, but I don't fear being rejected now, and have made the first move with making new friendships. I think in this currant climate, contact is really needed and welcomed
 
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About 15 years ago in my early 20s i had a falling out with a very good friend. We lived together, and the friendship ended and we just never spoke again.
About two years ago I had really bad post-natal anxiety which led to a strange spiritual/midlife crisis. It coincided with seeing her in town and we both blanked each other. over the next few days I realised how much i had missed her, i ended up sending her long email apologising for my part in it, saying how i am different person now, and how much i missed her. Well she blocked me on everything and never responded...always was the type to bear a grudge.
This experience has pushed me to make more of an effort maintaining and starting friendships. There really is nothing to lose by reaching out to people, the worst they can do is not be interested.
Like with my old friend, she is not interested and thats out of my control, but I don't fear being rejected now, and have made the first move with making new friendships. I think in this currant climate, contact is really needed and welcomed
I’m sorry to hear that your old friend didn’t even respond to your email. You’re the bigger person, and good for you for taking the action! It’s her loss.

I definitely agree, I think people would be especially receptive and welcoming of messages during this time.
 
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Thanks. I will always regret the way things ended and wish things were different, but I have grown from it and I’m a better friend to others.

Life is short, let’s reach out to people and take the time to build new friendships and nurture existing ones
 
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Thanks. I will always regret the way things ended and wish things were different, but I have grown from it and I’m a better friend to others.

Life is short, let’s reach out to people and take the time to build new friendships and nurture existing ones
That shows you’re a good, mature person. At least you tried to reach out and you both could have started your friendship again if she was willing. Your side of the street is clean! :)

I was wronged by a few friends many years ago in school, and I was too soft to speak up for myself. I really regret not standing up to them. But I would love and really appreciate if they were to send me a message.
 
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I also feel this way, but I'm really put down by the fact that it is me who always messages first, suggests meeting up etc. I've lost quite a few friends in the past few years as I've stopped trying "making the first move" and they never got in touch. 🤷‍♀️ Definitely knocks your confidence and I don't know how to come out from it. Looking for tips too please!
 
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I also feel this way, but I'm really put down by the fact that it is me who always messages first, suggests meeting up etc. I've lost quite a few friends in the past few years as I've stopped trying "making the first move" and they never got in touch. 🤷‍♀️ Definitely knocks your confidence and I don't know how to come out from it. Looking for tips too please!
Same here! I could have written this. It hurts and makes you feel so unimportant doesn’t it? I would just love if someone reached out to me first.
 
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Reading through this thread I could have written nearly every single post on here :oops: In a strange way it's nice to know there are others out there who have the same things going on while simultaneously I wish there weren't quite so many people sharing the same experience and feelings because we have all been let down.

Mini tattle solidarity group- I'm here for it :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 
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My mother in law really holds a grudge. Has fallen out with all family and friends at some point.
has been divorced for over 30 years and still recounts conversations that happened at the time with the same bitterness and anger as it was last week. Resents everyone and is easy to criticise. Never want to be like that
 
Really identifying with the “it’s always me who makes the first move/keeps the friendship going” stories. Exactly same thing happened to me and I did an experiment with one person and decided to see how long I could leave making contact with a close friend before they would get in touch to see if I was OK. Well, it was over three weeks and even then, it was all about them. That’s when the scales fell from my eyes and I realised it wasn’t a true friendship but me being a supporter in someone else’s personal soap opera.
That was over five years ago and in those years I have been very wary of making new friends and have just focused on my family and work. However, the years do mellow and I have started going out with a few work colleagues and now don’t expect so much from these relationships. It’s just a nice evening with people I like. I think I used to want to have an immediate best friend and you can’t force that, you have to build up a friendship over time and most people will remain an acquaintance and that’s OK. I look at my husband and he goes to the pub with a couple of guys every week and he’s happy with that and so are they, they don’t want any more. When I suggested getting them and their other halves round for an evening, he doesn’t want to as he’s happy with their current set up.
 
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My mother in law really holds a grudge. Has fallen out with all family and friends at some point.
has been divorced for over 30 years and still recounts conversations that happened at the time with the same bitterness and anger as it was last week. Resents everyone and is easy to criticise. Never want to be like that
This is my mum, she didnt speak to her mum for over 40 years (now passed away) and hasnt spoken to me for 4 years.
 
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My husband doesn’t really speak to his parents, I always thought it was sad and felt that I was missing out on a mother in law. Recently he’s started talking to her more and I’ve seen her a few times in the last few years but honestly she’s toxic and I can totally see why my husband cut her out at 17.

The lockdown has made me see we don’t need people like that, I’m happy with my parents, husband, kids and my handful of friends. I’d like to see a few more people in real life but not at the detriment of the close bubble of people I have.
 
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Reviving my old thread as years later I'm still the same. I've been working for a year and a half and have lovely colleagues but haven't forged anything beyond acquaintances/friendly workmates. I think they like me well enough, we get along well but I'm not really on their radar, possibly because I'm just a more quiet person. They all socialise together at weekends too. There's a colleague who is leaving - I was looking forward to possible after work drinks as it's usually what's done anytime someone leaves, an email/internal message goes out about it ahead of time but no message came. I've seen that their leaving drinks has already happened and I wasn't aware at all. Saying that, I have been working remotely for the past couple of weeks so maybe if I'd been in the office I would have heard of it; I can't really be offended. But who knows, as there's been other things where I've been around but not asked. It feels childish to be hurt by it, I'm a grown up woman in my thirties for goodness sake, but I still am a little. I think about these people - I'm sad that this girl is leaving as I'm fond of her and will miss her, she's moving abroad and I'll be thinking of her - but I'm feeling a bit silly as she and the others probably don't think of me at all. Not that I think they don't like me as such, but that I just don't register in their minds or something.

Not sure what I'm hoping to get from posting this bit of an emo-esque spiel, I just wanted to get it off my chest as I feel sad now. It's always been like this throughout different times in my life, and I don't know how to change things, or even just how to not think of things too deeply; I should maybe just try to enjoy the nice interactions as they are and not expect more and be content with that, if I can.
 
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