How to deal with family playing favourites?

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How does everyone deal with family playing favourites? I feel like I know the answer already and more just needing reassurance that what I’m thinking is the right thing to do..

My son is often pushed to the back burner over his cousin. I’ve tried and tried mentioning it but I’m either ignored or told I’m lying. There’s 9 months between them and they’re often mistaken for siblings rather than cousins because they’re so close. It’s causing such a rift but I can’t go on like this. It’s not just one family member, its several. He’s 2 but he’s not stupid, I don’t want him feeling left out as he gets older. If I cut contact I’m the bad person and my other half will suffer the consequences from his mum. I want my son to have his family, but not if it’s like this.

Just to add - I have next to no family. No contact with my parents. I have my gran, brother and sister that’s it. So this is the only chance at a real family he has. I really feel like I’m failing him and as his mum, watching it breaks my heart.

If you got this far thank you!
 
Just my opinion.

Do you think it’s your own insecurities being passed onto you son?
I can’t see how anyone can favour one two year old over another, to the point it’s making you consider cutting off family members?
That seems extreme because you think your kid might not be the favourite cousin?

maybe just let you kids and the family members get on with it and if he has an issue with it when he’s older, or he brings it up in a few years, after convincing him it’s rubbish and they’re all loved equally.....😬 then deal with it. 🤷‍♀️
you can only control how you act 🤷‍♀️ Nobody else.

but he’s two? You’re not “failing him as a mum”
but putting these thoughts in the open frequently, at his age, when he’s in danger of hearing them aren’t going to help him.

your husband doesn’t see it? Others don’t see it? Could it be that you’re overly worried about him because of your own history?

im sure your husband would feel similar to you if his sons happiness was in danger.

my advice, there is nothing you can actually do but love the kid yourself, if you’ve already mentioned it and its fallen on deaf ears you can’t really do much more 🤷‍♀️

love your kid and make up for other people’s failures, you can’t really do anything but that.
 
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I don’t have kids, so whilst I can’t appreciate how you’re feeling, my mum felt I was a victim of a similar situation.... except I NEVER noticed it. She felt my cousins that lived nearer my Grandma were favoured and got more, better toys etc..


and whilst I didn’t notice it, I don’t necessarily think it’s unreasonable. I know my dad made little effort to ensure we saw his mum regularly, and if my auntie and her kids were round there every other day surely it’d be harder not to buy them the odd thing here and there, spend more time with them, go on family days out with them

I know this may not be similar to your situation, I just wonder- is your child close enough to even notice it? Or could it be a strained relationship that makes it feel/seem as though the other child is favoured? (My mum never liked my grandma so was never going to see the good in her!) X
 
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Just to add it’s my other half’s brother. There’s 3 brothers but only this one seems to have some sort of issue. It’s not my own insecurities, its what I witness and it’s never mentioned around him. Everyone sees it too but they don’t dare mention it so not to hurt mummy’s feelings (she tends to get moody) No strained relationship that I’m aware of anyway, not my end. My other half and I are due to be married this year and he’s debating not even inviting them.

For example: They’ll invite us over, they’ll then ask the cousin to stay for tea but not my son. At Christmas we all planned a gift exchange, cousin had lots and my son got a pair of pjs wrapped separately. Cousin was offered a chocolate bar, but there was apparently only one left so again my son was left out and didn’t get anything. Birthdays are as bad as Christmas but its not so bad because they’re not in the same room opening things. Cousin gets a cuddle, my son puts his arms out and says ‘cuddle’ and he’s told no. That’s only to name a few off the top of my head.

That’s not me making it up or making a problem, that’s down right nasty in my opinion. As I said he understands what’s being said and they know that. He can have a conversation with you. It’s heartbreaking hearing him say “and I stay too?”.
 
I don't have any advice but this is the EXACT situation I had with my son and my niece, there's 2 months between them and my nan would always take my niece on days out/buy her clothes/have her for sleepovers and she'd only bother with my son when we'd go and visit her. Theyre 7 now and its still the same. Obviously its not about money but she gets my niece £100+ presents for birthdays/christmas and gives my son £15 in a card. I had my daughter 3 years ago, her birthday is the same week as said nieces dad whos nearly in his 40s, she's missed all of my daughters birthdays because she takes that lot on a birthday holiday instead 🤷‍♀️
I completely understand your anger, but ive just learnt to let it go over my head otherwise I would have cut her off a long time ago!!
Also, I would be LIVID if someone told my children no when asking for a cuddle, how awful!!!
 
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I don't have any advice but this is the EXACT situation I had with my son and my niece, there's 2 months between them and my nan would always take my niece on days out/buy her clothes/have her for sleepovers and she'd only bother with my son when we'd go and visit her. Theyre 7 now and its still the same. Obviously its not about money but she gets my niece £100+ presents for birthdays/christmas and gives my son £15 in a card. I had my daughter 3 years ago, her birthday is the same week as said nieces dad whos nearly in his 40s, she's missed all of my daughters birthdays because she takes that lot on a birthday holiday instead 🤷‍♀️
I completely understand your anger, but ive just learnt to let it go over my head otherwise I would have cut her off a long time ago!!
Also, I would be LIVID if someone told my children no when asking for a cuddle, how awful!!!
It’s awful isn’t it? No child deserves to be treated that way. It’s horrible being their mum and watching it being done.

The cuddle situation I’m surprised I kept my cool. It’s not a case of the cousin got £10 and he got £5. It’s some pretty vile stuff. However if I say something or cut them off, other relationships will suffer I’d imagine. Such a difficult situation!
 
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