How much sex is "normal" in a relationship

[Riggs]

And frankly in this heat my husband is lucky if he can rest a finger on me let alone anything else

Very humid lately and my partner is the same in the heat and makes it even worse when you are both sleeping naked... makes trying to stay away even harder.

 

[Drea1984]

Not for a few years. Very sad about that. Been together 9. He says he has no interest. I won’t initiate due to feeling rejected. We get on well but I suppose really are just friends. Still cuddle but no kissing. It is such a sadness to me.

 

[TJ90]

Depends on the weather. No way I’m shagging in this heat I’d say on average it’s weekly, my meds have really put a drop in my sex drive. We’re both in our early 30’s - no kids. Dropped a lot after a miscarriage. We both seem to be happy with the amount we do it, we talk about sex open and freely.

 

[BlobbyBlobbyBlobby]

Me and my fiancé have been together for 8 years now & engaged for 3, the spark is deffo still there with us and we still have regular sex. I always worried about if things like they would fizzle out and almost just become a routine rather than actually wanting it and enjoying it.

has anyone else had this fear? And have you been right or has nothing changed?

 

[Riggs]

Me and my fiancé have been together for 8 years now & engaged for 3, the spark is deffo still there with us and we still have regular sex. I always worried about if things like they would fizzle out and almost just become a routine rather than actually wanting it and enjoying it.

has anyone else had this fear? And have you been right or has nothing changed?

Had the fear that things would become routine and with the introduction of kids the opportunities for it are in a set window of time but the desire for it hasnt changed at all. Its just much harder to keep the spontaneity going and keeping things fresh and exciting is the hardest thing ive found.

 

[AlanBanan]

Twice a day ahahah

 

[Vploco646]

Been with my fella 7 years. We're both at home now thanks to covid some weeks it could be everyday or if we're sick of each other it could be a week or so.. Really depends with us

 

[TJ90]

Been with my fella 7 years. We're both at home now thanks to covid some weeks it could be everyday or if we're sick of each other it could be a week or so.. Really depends with us

We’re both at home now too and we’ve done nothing but eat. So I’ve told my husband no sex until we’ve lost half a stone

 

[Vploco646]

We’re both at home now too and we’ve done nothing but eat. So I’ve told my husband no sex until we’ve lost half a stone

I lost weight by stopping the drinking and cosy nights started doing an extra walk to get some me time have sex to lose the weight

 

[WilmaHun]

I'm 25, been in a relationship now for 7 years. At the start it was really regular, probably every other day? Now it fluctuates, sometimes it's more than twice a week, other times it's once a month! I think it really depends on what's going on in our lives, how we're feeling. I know my contraceptive pill plays a huge part! It completely drains me of any desire to have sex! (Is anyone the same?!)

 

[EvieBaby]

I'm 25, been in a relationship now for 7 years. At the start it was really regular, probably every other day? Now it fluctuates, sometimes it's more than twice a week, other times it's once a month! I think it really depends on what's going on in our lives, how we're feeling. I know my contraceptive pill plays a huge part! It completely drains me of any desire to have sex! (Is anyone the same?!)

Yes, I do it quite regular with my boyfriend but I'm not obsessed by it, but I came off the pill last year and my sex drive was absolutely through the roof. I went back on it so didnt last long

 

[Herefortheteeeee]

With an 11 month old, work & an ongoing illness, my rest matters more to me than making sure his boat is floated. Sorry hun.

 

[MissyAnon]

We mainly have sex at weekends. If it was up to my fella it would be way more but I think for me it's the morning that does it! During the week he goes to work really early so we both agree it's always worth the wait though. Better than an every day half arsed bang.

 

[Hbirdette]

I'm 25, been in a relationship now for 7 years. At the start it was really regular, probably every other day? Now it fluctuates, sometimes it's more than twice a week, other times it's once a month! I think it really depends on what's going on in our lives, how we're feeling. I know my contraceptive pill plays a huge part! It completely drains me of any desire to have sex! (Is anyone the same?!)

Agreed! When I came off the pill last year my sex drive reappeared it was great

 

[Carmen 6]

I'm pregnant for the first time, with twins.
I know it's daft but we are scared to do it.
We waited six years for these babies and don't want to jiggle them about.

 

[WilmaHun]

We mainly have sex at weekends. If it was up to my fella it would be way more but I think for me it's the morning that does it! During the week he goes to work really early so we both agree it's always worth the wait though. Better than an every day half arsed bang.

To be honest I'm a bit like this too! Sometimes I just honestly cannot be arsed haha.

I also don't get the hype about morning sex. It really grosses me out. Can't bear the thought of morning breath all over me whilst doing the deed. I also never feel clean when I wake up (even though I tend to shower or bath before bed), first thing I do in the morning is grab a quick shower so the thought of having sex when I don't even feel right myself just isn't for me.

 

[Be More Pacific]

I also don't get the hype about morning sex. It really grosses me out. Can't bear the thought of morning breath all over me whilst doing the deed. I also never feel clean when I wake up (even though I tend to shower or bath before bed), first thing I do in the morning is grab a quick shower so the thought of having sex when I don't even feel right myself just isn't for me.

I've always hated morning sex too for the same reasons!

 

[Tui]

I'm pregnant for the first time, with twins.
I know it's daft but we are scared to do it.
We waited six years for these babies and don't want to jiggle them about.

Pregnancy sex is pretty fun, I recommend!

 

[meg82]

Me and my hubby are probably about once a month on average but I know he would prefer it a lot more often, I just don't know how to get in the mood anymore.

Life has been difficult for a long time but I still fancy and love him but I just don't feel in the mood very often and I know this frustrates him even though he is incredibly patient.

 

[Justamum91]

This thread is so interesting. I worry a lot about whether my sex drive is normal and I’m neurotic about how much sex is enough, and whether a lack of sex means a relationship is doomed.

for context, my previous relationship was very dysfunctional and emotionally/psychologically abusive. It took me a long time after we broke up to even realise this. During the relationship I told myself that as long as we were having sex regularly it meant the relationship was healthy. I know that’s mad, but that’s what I clung to. I think I’d read and heard way too much about the importance of sex in a relationship and became hyper focused on it. As a result, we had sex regularly but I was, unknowingly, being abused.

Anyway, I am now in a really happy relationship. My OH and I can tell each other anything, and we’ve both been in therapy (individually, not as a couple) which has helped us be vulnerable with each other and talk openly.

we have sex probably about once a month these days. The sex is always good and my boyf is very attentive and we have loving sex. We’re very affectionate and intimate at all times, though. For some reason though I am still fixated on the amount of sex we’re having and its making it an issue in my head. I cannot seem to talk about it openly, despite us talking about everything else, as I feel so embarrassed.

I honestly think my abusive ex has rewired my brain in some way. He used to tell me it was my job to “seduce” him and I was never allowed to just outright talk about sex or ask for it - I had to subtly initiate and seduce instead. He also insulted me a lot etc. I think this has just trapped in my brain and I feel ashamed and self conscious about sex.

jesus now I’ve written this all down I realise how much of an issue this is. It’s really sad because I love my current partner so much and there’s no need for me to have this anxiety anymore.

I 100% second this. My previous relationship was littered with cheating, lying, making stories up about me to make her look better to her bits on the side. She threatened with self harm if I left her and she was very body conscious. Friends/family always told me I was too good for her but as it was my first “gay” relationship after a bad experience of coming out to my parents (mum knew already but dad wouldn’t accept it) I wouldn’t walk away from the relationship. The sex we had was good and quite often, but it all felt on her terms and would belittle me when I just wasn’t in the mood. I wasn’t in the mood after I’d find her flirty texting other girls or meeting them in pub toilets for a quickie. She made me believe I should give it to her whenever she wanted to win her back so she wouldn’t cheat. And everything we did in bed was for her pleasure
Now I’m married to the most amazing woman and have 2 beautiful children and we only have sex 1/2 a month but we both have very stressful full time jobs and a 2 year old sassy queen and 7 year old that is so laid back he’d fall over.
my sex drive has increased over the last few weeks as I have started reducing my anti depressant (take for anxiety) but before this my wife has a much higher sex drive but we’re both comfortable and know each other inside out and appreciate each other enough not to hold it against each other if the other is simply not in the mood